Today, in the midst of his ongoing mid-life crisis, my dad forced me to accompany him for some father-son bonding. The bonding involved me driving us away at high speed after he gleefully hurled a bucket of paint all over a store window. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I think my dad has finally lost his shit and is having a mid-life crisis. He showed up at my school and had me brought to the front desk. He told me to get in the car because we were going to have some "father-daughter bonding." This meant us watching Silent Hill with his work buddies. FML
Today, my dad was driving me to college. I'd cracked a joke about how old people like him shouldn't be allowed to drive, and I guess he took it personally, what with him speeding straight up to the parking lot wall, and only braking after I started shrieking in terror. FML
Today, my dad had a midlife crisis in the grocery store over his football career in high school. So he decided pelting me with vegetables and fruits would be a good idea. FML
Today, my dad decided to have a little father and daughter bonding time. Unfortunately, his idea of bonding involves him sitting around at home, getting piss drunk, and falling asleep. FML
Today, it's the third week of my dad's midlife crisis. So far he's blown half my college fund pimping out his piece of shit car, keeps texting me meme pictures, and keeps yelling "Savage!" and "Recked!" any time my mom makes a joke at anyone's expense. FML
Today, I illicitly borrowed my dad's car to go to the store, but crashed into my mom's car as she and dad were returning from my grandma's house. Both cars are totalled, my mom is in hospital with a broken collarbone, and I realised dads really can make steam come out their ears if they’re really mad. FML
Today, my dad forced me to take part in a pathetic act of revenge against our neighbors, who keep parking their 4x4 in front of our house. He made me stand watch while he kept trying to slash their tires. An hour later, we were waiting for my mom to bail us out of jail. FML
Today, I gave my dad a brochure for anger management. His response? Throwing a chair out the window. FML
Today, I was driving around my campsite at dark in the middle of a forest. My father thought it would be funny to run up to my window, put his face against the glass and scream. I drove into a tree. FML
Today, my dad is going through a midlife crisis. He now wants to be less like a dad and more like a "best friend" to me. This mainly involves him constantly texting me, sending me stuff on Snapchat, and saying stuff like "wicked cool", "bazinga", and "swag" every chance he gets. FML
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Top comments
ICastillo 25
Damn talk about living on the edge. Your dad is a real thrill seeker.
Church_Vii 4
You'll miss these memories when you get older. Cherish the moments, especially these unique and exciting ones, so you can tell your children a bunch of crazy stories.
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Comments (65)
ICastillo 25
Damn talk about living on the edge. Your dad is a real thrill seeker.
eggmarie 25
Be careful though. Next he might want to do some real hardcore stuff like ding dong ditching.
Steve95401 49
Or dine and dash.
Shrike 24
Yeah, really hardcore dining and dashing, if you consider OP's username.
xXHollowIchigoXx 17
Darn those kids and their courageous parents! *shakes fist in air*
AKGirlinSD 20
1, yeah a real thrill seeker with an anger issue. Yikes! Better than him getting shitty drunk at a bar, alone, and driving home afterwards.
winfieldALJD 6
It sounds like scene of a good movie.
SlenderMann 10
"Watch out, we got a badass over here." Ok ok not really OP I'm just picking. Your dad sounds awesome though.
Sandsh8rk 36
They shouldn't be complaining, the store got a free paint job!
peachesncreem 21
I don't think the store would appreciate their windows being painted, even if it was free.
EGORAPTOR 7
I think they would....
ohcheriecherie 20
23 misses the sarcasm
Church_Vii 4
You'll miss these memories when you get older. Cherish the moments, especially these unique and exciting ones, so you can tell your children a bunch of crazy stories.
retyi43 14
wow.. why did you go along with this again? i'm sure there are some ways to solve his mid-life crisis that aren't illegal
billyz77 24
Wow. Got to be a wheelman for your daddy, huh? You guys gonna hit some banks next? Maybe do a little bootlegging, too? Have fun, OP, but remember - if you get caught, keep your mouth shut and do your time like a man. You'll get mad props that way.
traveler_ghost 12
he's trying to live while he can, poor guy. luckily you are not in my situation, my dad bought a motorcycle and is growing his hair out
pedosmurf 7
For some reason all mid life crisis' involve a motorcycle, because now my dad wants one. (he's 41)
astralvagan 20
Everyone is entitled to a mid life crisis, but that might be a little much..... Wouldn't you rather take out mailboxes with a bat?
raven1911 3
I vote mailboxes because a felony is so much cooler then a misdemeanor (insert sarcasm here)
His_Holiness 18
This is true but your chances of getting caught throwing paint on the store would be much higher than knocking off a few mailboxes.
StarWolf111 21
Nice username.
cognauticcreix 9
Count yourself lucky. At least he's not going on Harley Davidson shopping sprees and buying a motorcycle
LappDance 16
Yeah, vandalism is much better!
traveler_ghost 12
look on the bright side! he's bringing you along with him every step of the way, that is true fatherly love right there!
His_Holiness 18
At least Ops dad seems to include him in things, for better or worse.