Today, I met up with my dad after having worked abroad for the past six months. Apparently, during that time he's had a mid-life crisis or been snorting a few too many turds, because he's now some sort of hippie calling himself "Memnoch of Pleiades". FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my dad is going through a midlife crisis. He now wants to be less like a dad and more like a "best friend" to me. This mainly involves him constantly texting me, sending me stuff on Snapchat, and saying stuff like "wicked cool", "bazinga", and "swag" every chance he gets. FML
Today, I think my dad has finally lost his shit and is having a mid-life crisis. He showed up at my school and had me brought to the front desk. He told me to get in the car because we were going to have some "father-daughter bonding." This meant us watching Silent Hill with his work buddies. FML
Today, my father, who is going through a serious mid-life crisis, walked into my room, told me to "sit the fuck down," and spent the next two hours ranting about how the Lord of the Rings books prophesy the end of the world this December, and that Sauron is an analogy for "corrupt bankers." FML
Today, my dad hit his mid-life crisis. When I came home and said hi, he told me to shut up, then went to the living room. He then lit up a cigarette and started muttering about having to put up with me, then went into a coughing fit, because he's never smoked before in his life. FML
Today, it's the third week of my dad's midlife crisis. So far he's blown half my college fund pimping out his piece of shit car, keeps texting me meme pictures, and keeps yelling "Savage!" and "Recked!" any time my mom makes a joke at anyone's expense. FML
Today, I came home to find my dad's mid-life crisis has finally started. He's blacked all our windows, barricaded the door to the backyard, and set up a bunch of security cameras in and out of the house. It seems he's been reading up on Survivalist and Masonic conspiracy theory bullshit. FML
Today, after spending five years regaining contact with my estranged father, I finally met him. I tearfully dropped my luggage and ran to hug him. He belched and told me to get in the car, because he had diarrhea. FML
Today, in the midst of his ongoing mid-life crisis, my dad forced me to accompany him for some father-son bonding. The bonding involved me driving us away at high speed after he gleefully hurled a bucket of paint all over a store window. FML
Today, I met my dad for first time in 22 years. He smoked a joint with me, showed me his plants, and gave me a bag of mushrooms. Every time I try and believe I'm not trash, the universe tells me different. FML
Today, I met my biological father for the first time. He seemed to be slightly intoxicated from the outset, and less than half an hour later, he had tried to intimidate me into "loaning" him several hundred euros for reasons he wouldn't tell me. So long, "dad". FML
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Top comments
stevenJB 25
The hell does that mean? O.o
Pentium_4 27
Memnoch of Pleiades probably sounds much better when you're tripping on Acid
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Comments (75)
chouter21 10
I happens...
stevenJB 25
The hell does that mean? O.o
lamdat5r 10
It means his rectum has maximised its semen storage capacity
RealReasons 0
Maybe it's the title he got after accomplishing a hippie dream, now being addressed that by his hippie brotherin.
br0ccoli 15
I believe Pleiadians (sp?) are an alien race that look like really tall Nordic people who are allegedly helping Earth with our ascension into a higher level of consciousness for the upcoming 2012 alignment of the solar system or something. It is believed that occasionally they choose to be born into human families to help others. When that happens, they are called 'Starseeds' and they have different missions on Earth, but mostly, helping us Earth people in being happier and living at a higher level of consciousness. I think OP's dad thinks he is a Starseed from Pleiades. That is my contribution for the day :D if I'm totally off the mark, let me know.
Allahu_Akbar 1
Thanks #23 but what is a Memnoch?
br0ccoli 15
25-It is probably his alien name. Thats my guess. Btw, are you mocking Noor? Because if you are, that's not cool.
hawkey126 0
How does one even pronounce that?
kittenvks 11
Memnoch, the devil from Anne rices memnoch the devil, as I know it anyway. In the book memnoch is just another name for Satan- op I'd be concerned
auzz1_pride 9
35) so he's the devil of an alien race?
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Nobody knows what it means, but it's provocative. Gets people going.
chowE_fml 4
39- perfection.
mxpklx 12
Whatever the hell it means, it is going to be my new WoW name.
_ebbonyy 11
It made me think of the Inbetweeners movie when Jay gives the douschey guy the money that was up his ass to snort his drugs with and he ends up snorting Jay's shit, hahaha. am I the only one? yes? okay.
stinewd 9
Sounds like a cool dad!
yoyoforpeace 14
Yeah he does sound cool and on the bright side he'll probably smoke you up :)
Webslinger66 10
Expect a brother or sister soon. Lol
tygerarmy 35
At least he didn't spend his savings on a luxury car.
KnightAngela1109 10
No no no he spent it all on weed and grass shots!:)
doctorhook86 25
5 - I think the OP would've preferred he had bought the car.
AntonioMontana 0
At least he didn't destroy his face like the retard in your picture..
tygerarmy 35
Thanks for the advice 'Scarface' but face paint washes off. Being the type of person who tries to make fun of people over the Internet doesn't.
VaultDweller106 7
Actually it sounds like he's sniffing old poo fumes. It's called Jenkin. It's utterly disgusting and it's basically a last resort for getting high.
Pentium_4 27
Memnoch of Pleiades probably sounds much better when you're tripping on Acid
CareFace 16
Or "snorting too many turds".... What does that even mean?
lonkite101 14
If he's happy, that's all that matters!
tjv3 10
Damn hippies. Sorry OP best of luck
DoubleCross 9
Snorting a few too many turds? You made my day man.
EliHak 0
That line really bothered me, you don't snort turds OP
SqueakyChipmunk 22
I don't think I want to know if it's literal or not.
Il_Maestro 6
22-If that's the case, my older brother is a lying fuckweasel.
speedsk8r4evr 1
Have fun with that one!