Today, my dad is having his midlife crisis, bought a Mercedes, along with having a girlfriend less than half his age. I was trying to be supportive, until I found out he is funding his midlife crisis with my university loan. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, it's the third week of my dad's midlife crisis. So far he's blown half my college fund pimping out his piece of shit car, keeps texting me meme pictures, and keeps yelling "Savage!" and "Recked!" any time my mom makes a joke at anyone's expense. FML
Today, my dad started his mid-life crisis. Instead of a Porsche or a Ferrari, he bought a tractor. Goodbye summer holiday. FML
Today, I found out that my 50-year-old Father is the 'Sugar Daddy' to a 20-year-old. He wasted my college funds on her, which I have been dutifully saving for ever since I was 10. FML
Today, my dad is going through a midlife crisis. He now wants to be less like a dad and more like a "best friend" to me. This mainly involves him constantly texting me, sending me stuff on Snapchat, and saying stuff like "wicked cool", "bazinga", and "swag" every chance he gets. FML
Today, my father lectured me for dating a man with "no future", even though he's entering a PhD program next year at a top university. Meanwhile, my dad's last relationship was with a 20-year-old hooker who ended up stealing his credit cards. FML
Today, I think my dad has finally lost his shit and is having a mid-life crisis. He showed up at my school and had me brought to the front desk. He told me to get in the car because we were going to have some "father-daughter bonding." This meant us watching Silent Hill with his work buddies. FML
Today, my dad is too old to drive, period, and yet while I was at work my wife thought it was a good idea to let him try her new Mercedes, which by the way I bought and insured. He used the accelerator like he was driving a shitbox Nissan and destroyed our local kebab shop's big front window and door. FML
Today, I counted the amount of stuff that my dad had bought within a week: a brand new boat, car, and truck. He also has countless gadgets at his office, including a 60" television. Our house is literally falling apart but Mr. Midlife-crisis won't do anything to help. FML
Today, in the midst of his ongoing mid-life crisis, my dad forced me to accompany him for some father-son bonding. The bonding involved me driving us away at high speed after he gleefully hurled a bucket of paint all over a store window. FML
Today, I realized that when my dad said he would pay for my college, he really meant that he was going to forge my signature on a student loan in my name and not make payments on it. FML
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Top comments
cacheson 42
Ooooh he bought a girlfriend? Where do they sell those?? :D
fushengyuan 20
The good news is that your credit history must be good. My student loan is not even close to affording a car & a gf.
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Comments (59)
WittyMoron 22
Start saving boyo
cacheson 42
Ooooh he bought a girlfriend? Where do they sell those?? :D
cheeeksss 29
Lol that's exactly what I thought. Grammar is more important than people realize. And btw, what's with the midlife crisis for these dads?
Mathalamus 25
Probably bored with his life? I would be, if I got to 50...
Abhimanyu 14
hahaha xD
aruden 25
#2 typically you guy girlfriends from city street corners at night. =)
pasupathymuthu 16
If the guy shows them the money, the girlfriends will come... by themselves. The guy need not be on the lookout.
KingLewisII 34
I think she came free with the car
vikky538 29
Right next to that Mercedes car showroom!!
aussie99 3
stripper discount whorehouses
mazor 22
You must be 12 of you dont understand that u can "buy a girlfriend". It's a figure of speech but it is used to refer to all goldiggers
more4me 27
#27 Clearly you have no idea so I'll tell you. After you pass a certain age, say 40 , you can truly have fun in life. Ask the elderly and you'll see... some people never stop having fun. It is a myth that as you get older you stop having fun. You just do it differently, that's all.
fushengyuan 20
The good news is that your credit history must be good. My student loan is not even close to affording a car & a gf.
rachelthelime_fml 29
Time to get your mobey back! Hope you don't have to sue him, OP
confused_wandere 26
Who on Earth would sue their own father? No matter how shitty they've been you just don't do that. Besides, his father has already cost him enough money without legal fees on top of it!
withered 30
A father does not do what his father did...
dtdrpepperguy 14
Just live out a common porno and bang your new step mom.
Fmelikeuhateme 24
That's somehow creepy, and really clever dude :p
Feklfekl2222 32
How does your dad have access to your loan? But I'm sorry that's utterly shite, try and persuade him to give the money back?
Omfgitsmia 15
When I started college at 18, my mom and I had kind of a joint banking account so she could make sure I had money and didn't overdraw my account. I'm guessing OP has the same set up.
IridianShadow 20
It was probably a package deal or she came along as a free gift after purchase.
PANDORUM89 21
car companies always trying to one up each other. Why go to BMW and get a watch when you can come to Mercedes and get a GF! fine print is where they get you though. GFs take feeding and money... so in the end you pay more than going for the watch and BMW.
hardcorefan16 22
That's not right. And is he going to pay you back? Probably not
Mechenry 10
At least he didn't call you porky
hobbs96 26
I was waiting for someone to notice yesterday's fml.
teentee401 37
Two midlife crises in a row! Wonder if it's the same dad...
yenze 18
Probably not considering the other one was in the united states
thisguy22 33
FML's always come in multiples. Kind of like the rule of threes.
Solano2580 24
You should stage an intervention.