Today, my dad came to pick me up early for the Christmas break. He walked in on me cleaning all 19 of my sex toys. That's more than one sex toy per year that I've lived. I now have to face a 7-hour drive from Montreal to Toronto with him. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my dad was helping me move my stuff out. I'd asked my boyfriend to deal with my sex toys and lingerie, but still my dad showed up later at my new place, handed me a box full of them all, and simply said, "I don't want to know." FML
Today, I’m walking around the streets with my stuff in a rolling suitcase. My mom saw fit to kick me out of the house because she found sextoys in my room. FML
Today, my mom cleaned up my room. I had a drawer filled with condoms, 2 vibrators, and a bondage kit. She organized the condoms and vibrators in a shoe box. FML
Today, I found that my (well-meaning and very kind) Dad cleaned up under my bed after a little mold problem. The problem? He cleaned up a few empty THC gummy containers and saw my dildo. And I thought living at home at uni was a good idea… FML
Today, my dad surprised me by moving my bed (involving disassembling and reassembling it) in my new room, because I couldn't find how I wanted to set it up. He also took care of putting back my vibrator between the mattress and the base, where it was hidden. FML
Today, my mother found my sex toys. To make me "feel better" she showed me hers. FML
Today, I found out my mother has enough toys to open a sex shop. FML
Today, I left my parents house to drive 90 minutes back to college. As I was getting off the exit for my school, I realized I left my bright pink vibrator sitting on my dresser back at home. FML
Today, I got home from my 6-week vacation. Apparently, my mum cleaned my room for me while I was gone because my vibrator was neatly tucked into my blanket, next to my pillow instead of being hidden under my bed. FML
Today, as my dad was handing me my Christmas gift, he pats me on the shoulder and says, "These were mine, hope you enjoy them as much as I did." Thinking it was something special of his he wanted to hand down to me, I quickly unwrapped the box only to find old 70's porn. Merry Christmas? FML
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Top comments
perdix 31
Algebra fail! The problem is stated as an inequality. (Number of sex toys) > 1 x age Therefore, the OP must be 18 or younger.
ollie179 21
Well at least you weren't using them.
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Comments (326)
z_impaler 4
19 sex toys and your 18?? Based on your present trajectory, sex will probably hold nothing special for you by the time you marry. Kinda sad actually... Don't mean to sound like a daddy but I have to say, if you were my child, I think I would simply suggest to you that you take a look at "why" you are so preoccupied with sex. Sure, I know it feels good but that's sort of an infantile association. There's more to what's going on than that if you ask me.
kaykay20 0
Having 19 different types of toys doesn't mean she uses them all the time. It does make it hard to get off during actual sex cause of the type of stimulation but would not be able to take a place of a person. We need the touch of a person to get that happy bond building feeling which can be better then any toy.
dralpaca 0
7 hours from Montreal to Toronto? Probs not.
White_Knightspc 0
This is hot. However, at least your practicing safe sex and ******* yourself...
wordbigbird 0
HA please tell me you had a big floppy black ***** in your hand when he walked in
naynay93 6
I'm so confused on the math for this one... so she's ten? that's definitely not right... Am i reading it wrong?
AinivalG 1
Duuuuude, you've only been legal to buy sex toys for less than a year
kaykay20 0
Her mom or older friends could have bought some for her. They all were young once too so I'm sure they understood the need for them.
amsalwajih 0
Get a boyfriend...I'm single :P
EriccaLuv 0
So...you're eight?
smoke_eater05 0
How about you come down south? I'll make sure you don't need a single one of them toys...
splashman 7
You should have done the best thing possible during that ride. Plug in the headphones and try to go to sleep.