Today, my dad came to pick me up early for the Christmas break. He walked in on me cleaning all 19 of my sex toys. That's more than one sex toy per year that I've lived. I now have to face a 7-hour drive from Montreal to Toronto with him. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my dad was helping me move my stuff out. I'd asked my boyfriend to deal with my sex toys and lingerie, but still my dad showed up later at my new place, handed me a box full of them all, and simply said, "I don't want to know." FML
Today, I’m walking around the streets with my stuff in a rolling suitcase. My mom saw fit to kick me out of the house because she found sextoys in my room. FML
Today, my mom cleaned up my room. I had a drawer filled with condoms, 2 vibrators, and a bondage kit. She organized the condoms and vibrators in a shoe box. FML
Today, I found that my (well-meaning and very kind) Dad cleaned up under my bed after a little mold problem. The problem? He cleaned up a few empty THC gummy containers and saw my dildo. And I thought living at home at uni was a good idea… FML
Today, my dad surprised me by moving my bed (involving disassembling and reassembling it) in my new room, because I couldn't find how I wanted to set it up. He also took care of putting back my vibrator between the mattress and the base, where it was hidden. FML
Today, my mother found my sex toys. To make me "feel better" she showed me hers. FML
Today, I found out my mother has enough toys to open a sex shop. FML
Today, I left my parents house to drive 90 minutes back to college. As I was getting off the exit for my school, I realized I left my bright pink vibrator sitting on my dresser back at home. FML
Today, I got home from my 6-week vacation. Apparently, my mum cleaned my room for me while I was gone because my vibrator was neatly tucked into my blanket, next to my pillow instead of being hidden under my bed. FML
Today, as my dad was handing me my Christmas gift, he pats me on the shoulder and says, "These were mine, hope you enjoy them as much as I did." Thinking it was something special of his he wanted to hand down to me, I quickly unwrapped the box only to find old 70's porn. Merry Christmas? FML
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Top comments
perdix 31
Algebra fail! The problem is stated as an inequality. (Number of sex toys) > 1 x age Therefore, the OP must be 18 or younger.
ollie179 21
Well at least you weren't using them.
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Comments (326)
Track1991 0
Ummmm, goooo! One isn't good enough lol.
nvo 6
Better than walking in on you and 19 boyfriends ;-) ... get over the embarassment and hope that he will, too. It's not a bad thing.
chronick89 5
this fml is arrousing.. were in the same city lets have a play date
blostorm 0
Replace those sex toys by me! Im from mtl too!
onorexveritas 24
I have zero... now im thinking maybe that's a good thing lol
justanotherhuman 21
Dear OP, Cleaning and maintaining sex toys is akin to cleaning and maintaining firearms. You lock the doors, and don't answer anything until the job is done and the tools are safely back under lock and key. No exceptions. YDI.
hyden121 2
That's hot. I think your dad would respect your privacy and hopefully surpass the awkwardness.
pookiepie 0
wa-ow i mesn im hoping they arnt all ****** i mesn there are lots out there but common. i mean i easily have 20 sex toys but like rope. and i never clean any of them unless i use them during the day. other than that all at night even if its a just to be sure clean. duh!
bigdaddy93 8
I had to say YDI because NOONE needs that many sex toys
RensM 22
Need no... but boy are they fun to have...
Vekzzza 6
YDI- weirdo