Today, my dad came to pick me up early for the Christmas break. He walked in on me cleaning all 19 of my sex toys. That's more than one sex toy per year that I've lived. I now have to face a 7-hour drive from Montreal to Toronto with him. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my dad was helping me move my stuff out. I'd asked my boyfriend to deal with my sex toys and lingerie, but still my dad showed up later at my new place, handed me a box full of them all, and simply said, "I don't want to know." FML
Today, I’m walking around the streets with my stuff in a rolling suitcase. My mom saw fit to kick me out of the house because she found sextoys in my room. FML
Today, my mom cleaned up my room. I had a drawer filled with condoms, 2 vibrators, and a bondage kit. She organized the condoms and vibrators in a shoe box. FML
Today, I found that my (well-meaning and very kind) Dad cleaned up under my bed after a little mold problem. The problem? He cleaned up a few empty THC gummy containers and saw my dildo. And I thought living at home at uni was a good idea… FML
Today, my dad surprised me by moving my bed (involving disassembling and reassembling it) in my new room, because I couldn't find how I wanted to set it up. He also took care of putting back my vibrator between the mattress and the base, where it was hidden. FML
Today, my mother found my sex toys. To make me "feel better" she showed me hers. FML
Today, I found out my mother has enough toys to open a sex shop. FML
Today, I left my parents house to drive 90 minutes back to college. As I was getting off the exit for my school, I realized I left my bright pink vibrator sitting on my dresser back at home. FML
Today, I got home from my 6-week vacation. Apparently, my mum cleaned my room for me while I was gone because my vibrator was neatly tucked into my blanket, next to my pillow instead of being hidden under my bed. FML
Today, as my dad was handing me my Christmas gift, he pats me on the shoulder and says, "These were mine, hope you enjoy them as much as I did." Thinking it was something special of his he wanted to hand down to me, I quickly unwrapped the box only to find old 70's porn. Merry Christmas? FML
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Top comments
perdix 31
Algebra fail! The problem is stated as an inequality. (Number of sex toys) > 1 x age Therefore, the OP must be 18 or younger.
ollie179 21
Well at least you weren't using them.
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Comments (326)
hateevryone 15
at least you were cleaning them and not using them.
Mr_Squinchy 0
F your dads life for having a crazy ***** fiend for a daughter.
nitemare0 17
As a father, I can say that it would be much easier to find out that my 18- year old daughter has uses sex toys, then to find out she is having sex (unless they are 2 person toys)
ReginaFalange_fml 13
Yes, but, if a girl is using sex toys, she is probably already having sex too.
kaykay20 0
Not always true, teens do get really horny with the change in hormones and sight of hot girls or guys around doesn't help the out of control horniness. It's a good clean way to relieve the sexual tension when it's just them and a finger or hand can't do the job. Doesn't always mean they have had sex yet usually means they aren't having any and wants it.
baykat07 0
19?? Jesus Christ someone is lonely!! Get a life!!
JukeboxValkyrie 19
I want to know why OP was cleaning them all at the same time...Does she not clean each one after their use?
kaykay20 0
Very awkward but your dad needs to learn to knock before entering someone's house or room.
rubberduckie94 13
the real question is what had she been doing that they all needed cleaning at the same time.
buddyguyfriend 1
Can we meet up? Ur my kinda woman!!!
dogpup4 23
If she has 19 sex toys, shes probably extremely ugly since she can't get any action with a real person.
kaykay20 0
Theirs more variety of women sex toys that need to be replaced every 6 months then toys for men so seems very possible to me it's a women not a guy. Do agree with you on the fact her being under 18 is more likely then being older.
katt_is_here 24
dogpup4 is obviously a virgin or just very stupid when it comes to women.
vishuzzbabe77 0
Maybe her parents went to pick her up because Christmas break is usually a month unlike other breaks that are only a week long. Therefore, it economically does not make sense to fly if you have the time to drive.
BradenLock 4
Imagine how awkward it was for the dad :/