Today, my dad came to pick me up early for the Christmas break. He walked in on me cleaning all 19 of my sex toys. That's more than one sex toy per year that I've lived. I now have to face a 7-hour drive from Montreal to Toronto with him. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my dad was helping me move my stuff out. I'd asked my boyfriend to deal with my sex toys and lingerie, but still my dad showed up later at my new place, handed me a box full of them all, and simply said, "I don't want to know." FML
Today, I’m walking around the streets with my stuff in a rolling suitcase. My mom saw fit to kick me out of the house because she found sextoys in my room. FML
Today, my mom cleaned up my room. I had a drawer filled with condoms, 2 vibrators, and a bondage kit. She organized the condoms and vibrators in a shoe box. FML
Today, I found that my (well-meaning and very kind) Dad cleaned up under my bed after a little mold problem. The problem? He cleaned up a few empty THC gummy containers and saw my dildo. And I thought living at home at uni was a good idea… FML
Today, my dad surprised me by moving my bed (involving disassembling and reassembling it) in my new room, because I couldn't find how I wanted to set it up. He also took care of putting back my vibrator between the mattress and the base, where it was hidden. FML
Today, my mother found my sex toys. To make me "feel better" she showed me hers. FML
Today, I found out my mother has enough toys to open a sex shop. FML
Today, I left my parents house to drive 90 minutes back to college. As I was getting off the exit for my school, I realized I left my bright pink vibrator sitting on my dresser back at home. FML
Today, I got home from my 6-week vacation. Apparently, my mum cleaned my room for me while I was gone because my vibrator was neatly tucked into my blanket, next to my pillow instead of being hidden under my bed. FML
Today, as my dad was handing me my Christmas gift, he pats me on the shoulder and says, "These were mine, hope you enjoy them as much as I did." Thinking it was something special of his he wanted to hand down to me, I quickly unwrapped the box only to find old 70's porn. Merry Christmas? FML
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Top comments
perdix 31
Algebra fail! The problem is stated as an inequality. (Number of sex toys) > 1 x age Therefore, the OP must be 18 or younger.
ollie179 21
Well at least you weren't using them.
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Comments (326)
Felifulify 4
Wow u sure do love ur sex toys, OP...
harp 9
Must have been a hell of a party. She needed a ride cuz she can't walk.....
kosh_bl_k 0
I drove from Montreal to Toronto and back six times. It is no more than five hours :) You can deal with it
RedPillSucks 33
Doesn't say how fast OPs father would be driving.
MarsBarz 0
mtl representt haha
mikemotox105 4
Damn tht sux id help u clen them
dansco 25
At least you aren't a bloke in the situation, now that would be awful lol. Explain to him that you have stayed away from boys ;p
Someofthisisfunn 0
Hell yea!! College life!
bigdaddy93 8
I guess next you were going to say you have a gallon of lube if you had all the money you spent on all those ****** you could put a good down payment on a new car!!!!!!!!!!!!
HeXr 22
WTF is with all the comments suggesting that people with sex toys have shitty sex lives? I tend to notice that the amount of sex toys (and therefore open-mindedness) tends to positively correlate with the amount of sexual activity one engages in.
Shenannigoats 16
Agreed! Finally, somebody sane!
RensM 22
why be embarrassed by that... your old folks probably have more toys themselves. sextoys are fun after all