Today, my cousin texted me, asking how the chicken pizza had settled in my stomach. We got drunk last night and had pizza. I thought it was cheese; it was chicken. I've been vegetarian for 7 years. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I accidentally bought chicken fingers. I couldn't even make it two days as a vegetarian. FML
Today, after having been a vegetarian for 8 years because I'm opposed to cruelty to animals, I lost a bet and had to eat a whole cheeseburger. I loved it. FML
Today, my cousin came by to visit, and we went out to a pizza restaurant for dinner. She’s a very picky eater, so much so that she takes the cheese off the pizza, despite me politely asking her not to. One of the chefs walks by, sees it, and yells, “What have you done to my beautiful pizza!?” at us. FML
Today, I had pizza for lunch, a cheesy burrito and cheese rice for dinner, topped off with a big bowl of ice cream. Three hours later, I puked it all up. I guess you never outgrow lactose intolerance. FML
Today, I told my mom that I think I'm lactose intolerant, and that I should go to the doctor to get checked out. She said that I was probably just gassy, and then ordered us a pizza for dinner. FML
Today, I was at a party, and heard a mutual acquaintance had been arrested. I asked what for, and was told "Cheese pizza." I yelled in confusion and outrage, since I thought they were joking. I was told later in private what "Cheese pizza" meant. FML
Today, I told my girlfriend that I'm a vegan. She replied, "So, you're allergic to meat?" FML
Today, I got sick of my flatmate stealing my food so I decided to sabotage a leftover pizza with laxatives. I came back home later in the evening after a night of heavy drinking. Guess what I had to eat in my drunken stupor. FML
Today, I was on the phone with my diet coach. I was telling her how I lost 3 pounds this week. I was saying this while eating a bag of chips, a beer in my hand and cooking a 3-meat pizza. FML
Today, I had to tell my wife that the new "vegan" diet she has put us on is not working with my body. It's not the horrible gas, hot shits, or constant hunger that made me realize this. It was the dream I had about fried chicken that did. FML
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Top comments
CoGhostRider 31
Might as well go order a steak now
domiirose28 9
And I bet you thought it was delicious!
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Comments (173)
bdubbstheman 5
Welcome back
Saby1018 3
What you didn't know , didn't hurt you
bluerhhajfk 17
Haha this is my cousin
Bano360 25
#1 and #11 are both right in a sense. I have a drunken alter ego where I'm more confident. So I'm a different person because I can act my true self.
Bano360 25
#74 haha I can talk to girls sober. Just a lot better at it in person when I'm drinking.
shivafloof 5
Sorry OP, but YDI for getting so drunk you couldn't tell the difference between cheese and chicken.
Caitie_kid 8
It doesn't make you any less of a vegetarian today. Just don't go shoveling meat down your throat from now on just because you slipped up.
etishuman22 32
Hahaha, getting drunk with your cousin. Good times. I love getting drunk with mine. Cousins are like the siblings you're close enough to but you don't hate so you actually like hanging out with them.
MooseKnuckle5150 13
Welcome back.
gemini_tw 1
I don't eat meat either! If someone done that to me they would get some serious payback!