Today, I had pizza for lunch, a cheesy burrito and cheese rice for dinner, topped off with a big bowl of ice cream. Three hours later, I puked it all up. I guess you never outgrow lactose intolerance. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I told my mom that I think I'm lactose intolerant, and that I should go to the doctor to get checked out. She said that I was probably just gassy, and then ordered us a pizza for dinner. FML
Today, I realised that on top of my gluten intolerance, garlic intolerance, and just the general having to poop way too much in 12 hours, apparently my system does not like ice cream anymore. I get diarrhea after eating any amount. And I love Klondike bars! FML
Today, I enjoyed my favourite pizza topped with jalapeños for an extra kick. I later got to feel that kick a second time as I vomited in the middle of the night. Some came out my nose. FML
Today, I spent 5 hours in the emergency room for what I thought was heavy bloody diarrhea. After having various implements and doctors' fingers shoved up my ass, it turns out I was only shitting out the family-sized bag of red spicy cheese curls I had eaten for lunch. FML
Today, I got sick of my flatmate stealing my food so I decided to sabotage a leftover pizza with laxatives. I came back home later in the evening after a night of heavy drinking. Guess what I had to eat in my drunken stupor. FML
Today, my parents brought me an ice cream birthday cake. I would think after 23 years they would remember my lactose intolerance. FML
Today, I've been staying with my parents while I have time off from school. They got drunk and started an entire family fight because my dad made pizza and my mom is lactose intolerant. She insists my dad did it on purpose because, "he's an asshole and knows I can't eat cheese." FML
Today, whilst still trying to potty train my puppy and keep her from both peeing and pooping in the house, my lactose intolerance kicked in full fledge. Every time I pass gas, she smells poop and believes it's okay to immediately drop a deuce on the carpet. FML
Today, I made a healthy, delicious dinner. My girlfriend picked at it until it went cold, then stuck it in the fridge. Later, she devoured a giant bowl of sugary cereal, then complained all night that her stomach hurt. This happens a lot. FML
Today, I went out to eat to celebrate getting over the stomach flu. I hadn't eaten solid food in over a week, so I was really excited and ordered my favorite dish. It gave me food poisoning. FML
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Top comments
RichardPencil 32
Did you forget you were lactose-intolerant? At least you had pizza and ice cream, albeit temporarily.
Marcella1016 32
Taking Lactaids before your meal really helps. If you ever want to try it again with slightly less cheese lol
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Comments (6)
Gairas 8
Not the smartest idea to test if an intolerance is gone, may want to try one meal or snack with cheese/dairy products at a time and slowly see if you can handle more.
RichardPencil 32
Did you forget you were lactose-intolerant? At least you had pizza and ice cream, albeit temporarily.
Marcella1016 32
Taking Lactaids before your meal really helps. If you ever want to try it again with slightly less cheese lol
dreams2383 20
I've been lactose intolerant all my life. it was really bad as a teenager. the older I got and ate cheese and sour cream the better it got. I can't drink straight milk and sometimes it does get to me but it lessons if you add it to your diet slowly. it doesn't make me throw up but I'll have a horrible stomach ache. goat products are very easy to digest for people with intolerance. maybe try goat cheese,milk or ice cream.
xaddrus 17
you just thought after all this time that lactose intolerance just goes away? if anything it gets worse over time 😂😂
Hangryko 32
Ever heard of Lactaid?