Today, my cousin texted me, asking how the chicken pizza had settled in my stomach. We got drunk last night and had pizza. I thought it was cheese; it was chicken. I've been vegetarian for 7 years. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
Urges
Today, I accidentally bought chicken fingers. I couldn't even make it two days as a vegetarian. FML
Today, after having been a vegetarian for 8 years because I'm opposed to cruelty to animals, I lost a bet and had to eat a whole cheeseburger. I loved it. FML
Channeling Gordon Ramsay
Today, my cousin came by to visit, and we went out to a pizza restaurant for dinner. She’s a very picky eater, so much so that she takes the cheese off the pizza, despite me politely asking her not to. One of the chefs walks by, sees it, and yells, “What have you done to my beautiful pizza!?” at us. FML
For Life
Today, I had pizza for lunch, a cheesy burrito and cheese rice for dinner, topped off with a big bowl of ice cream. Three hours later, I puked it all up. I guess you never outgrow lactose intolerance. FML
Today, I told my mom that I think I'm lactose intolerant, and that I should go to the doctor to get checked out. She said that I was probably just gassy, and then ordered us a pizza for dinner. FML
If you know, you know
Today, I was at a party, and heard a mutual acquaintance had been arrested. I asked what for, and was told "Cheese pizza." I yelled in confusion and outrage, since I thought they were joking. I was told later in private what "Cheese pizza" meant. FML
Today, I told my girlfriend that I'm a vegan. She replied, "So, you're allergic to meat?" FML
Today, I got sick of my flatmate stealing my food so I decided to sabotage a leftover pizza with laxatives. I came back home later in the evening after a night of heavy drinking. Guess what I had to eat in my drunken stupor. FML
Coach Class
Today, I was on the phone with my diet coach. I was telling her how I lost 3 pounds this week. I was saying this while eating a bag of chips, a beer in my hand and cooking a 3-meat pizza. FML
Today, I had to tell my wife that the new "vegan" diet she has put us on is not working with my body. It's not the horrible gas, hot shits, or constant hunger that made me realize this. It was the dream I had about fried chicken that did. FML
Top comments
CoGhostRider 31
Might as well go order a steak now
domiirose28 9
And I bet you thought it was delicious!
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Comments (173)
Headcrab 29
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Serves you right for getting so shitfaced yih don't see the difference.
iPeterPan 8
What a fowl thing to say.
sweet23_fml 11
don't tell me i was the only one to get that pun.
CharresBarkrey 16
It's pretty hard to miss considering "fowl" and "foul" are two different words.
VeganVampyre 27
I agree. I hate when people complain about something they did while drunk. If you don't like it, don't drink so much. It's your choice.
King_paradox 22
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
So you've been stealing poor vegetables from there mothers how do you live with yourself?
lylotrezor 20
3, this kind of comment won't ever make a vegetarian feel stupid. It won't make you look bright or smart, either.
Ziggyboo 10
29, Ever heard of a joke?
YourDrunkle 4
You can only hear the same joke so many times before it becomes terribly unfunny.
kinky44 28
How hard is it to use the correct form of "their"?
SaySayGurl 10
That joke is incredibly overused and irrelevant on all levels.
domiirose28 9
And I bet you thought it was delicious!
gloooooria 14
"This is the BEST cheese pizza I've ever, EVER had!" -Drunken OP.
CoGhostRider 31
Might as well go order a steak now
ViRepz 28
I always thought there is a debate wether vegetarians can or can not eat cheese, isn't it the vegans that can't have any animal products, but vegetarians just don't eat meat?
domiirose28 9
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Yeah. Vegetarians just dont eat meat. Some don't eat eggs either, but it depends on the person. I honestly think if youre not going to eat meat because of animal cruelty you shouldn't be eating any of it, like vegans. Vegetarians are BS.
hannaaaahr 33
#14 why is that? I think being a vegetarian is a very good thing, regardless if you eat cheese or eggs. Chicken lay eggs either way, so why not eat them? As long as it is biologic, meaning that the chicken get to run around and be happy, I don't see a problem with it, same is for milking cows.
domiirose28 9
But that milk isnt meant for us. It is meant for the babies. The eggs are babies. They are hatched to be born. I dont have anything against all of it, but I think if you are not going to be vegetarian you should be a vegan to make it for the full cause and the full reason why you are doing it.
30361 10
Eggs are not babies, if they are fertilised then yes, but essentially it's a chicken's period that gets eaten O.O oh god why...
lysx84 24
Uhm, the eggs aren't babies - they're eggs. It's chicken period, not chicken young.
LSS_fml 18
GROSS!!! I love my poached eggs in the morning, but this thread has put me off ever eating an egg again!!! ):
SaturnV 25
I completely disagree, #31. This is not an all or nothing cause. That is an idealistic viewpoint that fails to take reality and the ethical motivations for vegetarianism into account. The dietary modifications required to be vegan are not feasible for everyone, but that doesn't mean that there aren't other options that accomplish the same goal (reducing the collective suffering of animals and/or boycotting the industry that promotes it) to varying degrees. Eating vegetarian is impactful in both those ways, as is choosing to eat only local and humanely raised meat, eating a pescatarian diet (fish, but no other meat or animal products), or committing to eat a fixed number of vegan/vegetarian meals per week in place of meat (even 1 per week has a statistically relevant implications on a larger scale).
hannaaaahr 33
You should get your facts straight when you're against something, the eggs aren't babies, they indeed are the chickens period, as gross as that sounds.
laden_swallow09 35
31- Cows and chickens are the same in the way they'll produce milk while pregnant or not just as a chicken lays eggs, fertilized or not. Know you not the very basics of animal husbandry??
rocker_chick105 31
Can't we just let people do what they want and skip the frivolous arguments?
Sheh_fml 25
The eggs humans consume are unfertalized. They cannot become chicks. It's like saying a woman is pregnant when she gets her period. And being a vegetarian is better both for the environment and for the animals than doing nothing, so perhaps you should appreciate that people are doing SOMETHING instead of whining that they don't do enough. Because you don't do everything you can either. For example, I hope you don't use birth control or take pain medication, because that doesn't get filtered out of the water and cause mutations and unnatural behaviour in fish. People can always do more. But doing something is always better than doing nothing at all, and that is what we must focus on. Something little becomes big when a whole lot of people join in.
Hiimhaileypotter 53
#31- I have 12 chickens and get around 8-9 a day. are you saying I shouldn't eat them? They are free-range hens. I do have a rooster, but you can still eat the eggs even if fertilized. Sounds gross, but as long as the hen hasn't starting setting on the eggs to hatch them, the eggs will NOT develop. So there; now you know. ;)
tj4234 36
#7. It also depends on the cheese. Some cheeses aren't vegetarian (for example cheddar, or parmasan) because they contain rennet from a cow's stomach.
kewpiesuicide 29
I personally wouldn't eat meat even if they sang the animals a lullaby every night. Animal cruelty isn't why I choose to be vegetarian (although I am against it). I don't eat it because it grosses me out but I can still eat honey. Being vegan is a lot harder than people realize. There are few vegan restaurants, it restricts what processed food you can buy, vegan ingredients are more expensive and you can't even wear wool. Been there, tried that.
furbyface711 9
I love that you used Husbandry. Most people don't know what that means. As a zoologist, I have to define that word multiple times a day.
TheDrifter 24
64, because wool is an animal byproduct? If you want a wool sweater, just remember that all it is is hair. Hair that would get trimmed anyhow for the animal's comfort in the summer. Just because it came from an animal doesn't mean it wasn't beneficial to the animal to remove it.
jkmartinjk 16
May I add that some people are vegetarian for health reasons only, and are not doing it for a 'cause'...
kianaaa32 17
#28- The only way to milk a cow is if that cow recently had a calf. Most dairy cows are bred continuously and given hormones to produce more milk. Their calves are taken away from them at birth so they don't deplete the milk of any nutrients. The calves are then taken off to become veal. Milking a cow is a natural process if it's done the right way, but most times it is not. Milking a cow by hand is perfectly fine. Milking the cow dry by a machine is not.
kianaaa32 17
#51- the only way a cow will produce milk is if she was pregnant, same as a human.
domiirose28 9
Sorry. My bad. I was going off as they were the same as ducks since my neighbor has ducks and they lay eggs in the yard. Which then, there are babies. I never knew that chickens hatched eggs when on their period. I figured if they hatched eggs at all it is becase they got pregnant.
GwylaFelidae 7
Have you heard of women who breast feed for YEARS after they give birth? What about women who lactate without being pregnant? So long as the mother pumps the milk from her breast, or the child is drinking it, a woman can lactate for many years, feeling no negative effects. Women with hormone imbalances start lactating without being pregnant. Who's to say that cows don't go through those same things? Besides, milking cows AND goats have been going on for centuries.
Roskie 16
Chickens do not get pregnant, and hatching is not the same as laying.
love_me_electric 20
91 - Firstly, we are talking about cows, not people. Secondly, there's a big difference between nursing a child and having your milk sucked out by a machine. Cows DO stop producing milk about a year after birth, unless you give them hormones to stimulate milk secretion (which is illegal in many places).
ohsnapcrackers 6
If you look at the conditions that chickens and cows live in when they are being used for eggs or for milk then you can kind of understand why some people might think that vegetarians that are against animal cruelty might be somewhat hypocritical. If I were an animal (as stupid as it sounds) I would rather die and be used for food than be living in those conditions. I personally think being vegetarian is a great thing to do, just trying to show the other side of the argument
hannaaaahr 33
83, that's why I said biologic, just like you I don't agree with the things you pointed out in your comment. I don't think milking by hand is the only cow-friendly way, but that's a debate we can have later, or we can simply agree to disagree.
Mifflicious 18
Seriously, all the people saying "Hens lay eggs anyway, and cows need to be milked!" should get their asses out of the house and see the real world for a second. The reason for not eating eggs or drinking milk, is because of the CONDITION THE ANIMALS ARE LIVING IN. Hens in small cages or packed hundreds in one room, pecking on each other to death. And when they're done with laying eggs, they're also slaughtered. And cows, eating the cheapest food you can find them that's not even suitable food for them, never seeing daylight, never going outside. All because people want to pay as little as possible and apparently isn't educated enough to know that the cheap cheese they buy isn't made from happy grass-grazing cows. How can people be so narrow-minded?
Rozza17 29
#14- not all vegetarians become a vegetarian because of animal cruelty. Some may do it because of religious/cultural beliefs, for dietary needs, dislike meat, animal cruelty, it's better for the environment, etc. If everyone went vegetarian the world would be less polluted, cows release methane gas which pollutes, there wouldn't be all the factory's and the animal cruelty etc. I'm not saying everyone should go vegetarian because its their choice, I personally became one because I'm not a big fan of meat and it was to try something new. To go vegan is sooo different from being a vegetarian. To get what you need from vegetarian foods is hard enough, most vegetarians are deficient in iron and the food is quite costly. To go vegan instead of vegetarian based on your view is one of the stupidest things I have heard. It's everyone's choice on what they want to eat, do, just everything. Being a vegetarian for the fact of animal cruelty is still preventing the cruelty on animals. Being a vegan once again stops the cruelty on animals but to survive on the food would be so difficult. If all vegetarians went vegan I believe quite a few businesses wouldn't last because no one would buy the food and then there would be the criticism of ruining the economy. No matter what choice a person may make it will always be criticised so whatever
JaneChemi_fml 21
i don't understand why we can't all just get along. we're all working for the same cause. I'm a pescatarin but I've been both vegan and vegetarian. none of these are easy but we all do it because we care about the animals. that's what this is about.
SaySayGurl 10
You are an animal. Just needed to point that out.
kwyk 23
mmmm, chicken.
KK3137 31
So you've made an exception after seven years. It's still an impressively long time, and if you want to stay vegetarian there's nothing stopping you from continuing..
Kalipczo 21
after a few years your body stops producing the protine that digests meat.. And when someone has been veg for a long time and they suddenly eat meat, it could cause them to get sick/vomit.
gc327072 31
52/ that is a cosmic amount of BS.
kianaaa32 17
#52- who told you that BS? Your body might not be used to the meat since you haven't had it in so long but in no way will it not be able to be digested.
Dojan 16
#52 isn't entirely incorrect. First off proteins don't break down things, s/he meant enzymes. When you don't consume a certain food-group for a longer period of time, the cells of your gastrointestinal tract will cease production of whatever enzymes you no longer use. Making it more difficult for the body to digest whatever it is you haven't consumed. This is well established simply because the body doesn't like wasting energy, if we end up not using something, it'll stop wasting resources on producing it. Making radical changes to your diet can upset the body, it only lasts for a while until it has had time to adjust to it. An example would be breaking down fats. Animal proteins have higher saturated fat content in comparison to plant proteins. So going from say, a low-fat diet to eating something with higher fat, like a cheeseburger can have physical implications. Sure, they won't last forever, and after a while your body will adjust, but they're not pleasant. This doesn't only apply to vegetarians gone omnivore, and doesn't even apply to all vegetarians. It depends on your diet as a whole, and not whether or not you eat corpses. You can also become sick due to psychological implications of eating meat. If a person has gone vegetarian simply because they don't like animal cruelty, and they then end up eating meat, they might feel so bad about it that it physically manifests as stomach cramps and such.
Yakostovian 18
It's not a cosmic amount of BS. It's not even definitively BS.
love_me_electric 20
107 - Just wanted to correct one thing: enzymes actually are a kind of protein. But other than that you're spot on. I don't eat beef, but a couple months ago my boyfriend told me I should try some of his steak he'd made. I got horrible stomach cramps and diarrhea, from only 3 bites.
joopjoop 19
or maybe they will vomit anyways because they were so wasted they couldn't tell cheese from chicken?
ViRepz 28
Other's say it makes you a different person...
flashback.miss 28
Well, you took the risk that you would consume meat when you decided to get drunk. But, nothing to dell on, just move on and continue your vegetarian lifestyle.
AGB10 19
If you don't remember it..it never happened :)
elevyn 16
Just like 'if I can't see you, you can't see me'?
moimoimoi125_fml 11
More like : "if I can't see you, you don't exist"
AGB10 19
Agree with #27. And a bit like what stays in Vegas stays in Vegas :)
sematariux 7
So 13, it's safe to say if I don't remember getting the herp...I don't have it? =D MEMORY REMEDIES FOR DAYS!