Today, my cousin texted me, asking how the chicken pizza had settled in my stomach. We got drunk last night and had pizza. I thought it was cheese; it was chicken. I've been vegetarian for 7 years. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I accidentally bought chicken fingers. I couldn't even make it two days as a vegetarian. FML
Today, after having been a vegetarian for 8 years because I'm opposed to cruelty to animals, I lost a bet and had to eat a whole cheeseburger. I loved it. FML
Today, my cousin came by to visit, and we went out to a pizza restaurant for dinner. She’s a very picky eater, so much so that she takes the cheese off the pizza, despite me politely asking her not to. One of the chefs walks by, sees it, and yells, “What have you done to my beautiful pizza!?” at us. FML
Today, I had pizza for lunch, a cheesy burrito and cheese rice for dinner, topped off with a big bowl of ice cream. Three hours later, I puked it all up. I guess you never outgrow lactose intolerance. FML
Today, I told my mom that I think I'm lactose intolerant, and that I should go to the doctor to get checked out. She said that I was probably just gassy, and then ordered us a pizza for dinner. FML
Today, I was at a party, and heard a mutual acquaintance had been arrested. I asked what for, and was told "Cheese pizza." I yelled in confusion and outrage, since I thought they were joking. I was told later in private what "Cheese pizza" meant. FML
Today, I told my girlfriend that I'm a vegan. She replied, "So, you're allergic to meat?" FML
Today, I got sick of my flatmate stealing my food so I decided to sabotage a leftover pizza with laxatives. I came back home later in the evening after a night of heavy drinking. Guess what I had to eat in my drunken stupor. FML
Today, I was on the phone with my diet coach. I was telling her how I lost 3 pounds this week. I was saying this while eating a bag of chips, a beer in my hand and cooking a 3-meat pizza. FML
Today, I had to tell my wife that the new "vegan" diet she has put us on is not working with my body. It's not the horrible gas, hot shits, or constant hunger that made me realize this. It was the dream I had about fried chicken that did. FML
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Top comments
CoGhostRider 31
Might as well go order a steak now
domiirose28 9
And I bet you thought it was delicious!
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Comments (173)
random_commenter 9
Don't mind too much. The "chicken" stuff that is put on top of pizzas is not proper chicken meat anyway. It's just what remains after the real meat is processed (guts, sinews, fat and all), shredded, compressed and coagulated with enzymes. So if you are a vegetarian because of "karma": Don't worry, no chicken had to die just because of this pizza. If, however, you are a vegetarian because you are grossed out by the way meat is produced: Eew.
TheDrifter 24
Dude, you need a better pizza place. Not all of them are like McDonalds, the ones by my house use chunks of chicken breast.
random_commenter 9
Who puts chicken on a pizza anyway? (And #72: I was being sarcastic in case you didn't notice)
DasHaas 9
I've always heard that if you become a vegetarian for an extended period of time, your stomach can no longer handle meat. So if you were feeling exceptionally shitty in the morning, it might not have been the hangover.
Yakostovian 18
The same has been said by multiple earlier in the comments, and the majority of people are convinced it is BS. Despite my love for meat, I believe the statement, which is one reason I never go more than 2 meals without some meat to eat.
EffyFails 18
Fair enough, I'm a vege for 6 years and don't think I could bear to eat meat again as I would feel ill. I met a family who brought their children up as vegetarians so they had never tried meat atall. The youngest tried to eat a half eaten chicken leg so I had to take it away because I knew their parents wouldn't be happy and such and their brother said it was good as if they had eaten it since they'd never had meat anymore and the fact it had been touched would have likely made them extremely ill. anyways probably didn't need to tell my story but I'm bored haha
thepersephone666 11
Your stomach would not be able to handle it, you would become ill and your body would try to purge itself
mattrd_fml 31
you must have been extremely wasted to think chicken was cheese. ydi
Mauskau 36
Ydi for not letting yourself enjoy the goodness of meat ;) also for getting so drunk you can't even tell. It must've been good though.
lbrown66 12
You don't win friends with salad!
InnocentWings 13
Accidents happen. It was /one/ time. Don't beat yourself up
YouMissedASpot 8
That's horrible OP! I have only been vegetarian for approx 9 months and I Would be pretty upset if that happened to me! Mind you I never get that drunk. Did they at least try and tell you or was chicken? Or did they do it on purpose? :-/
TheModernPatriot 14
Stop bein a bitch and eat some beef. Vegetarians Piss me off
Sheh_fml 25
I think it's pretty obvious you're the bitch here, when someone's mere lifestyle pisses you off.
Yakostovian 18
#57 I am not a fan of any "conversionist" lifestyle, which may be what #45 is referring to. Many vocal vegetarians demean an omnivore's lifestyle even more than what #45 has said here. Having said that, I think it is telling of a person that hates a group of people for as small of a reason as their dietary choices.
Lawlipop07 13
#57, Judging by how much of an asshole you seem to be, I'm sure you piss a lot of people off too.
cylus13 9
Vegetarian do eat chicken and fish from time to time. It's vegans that won't even eat so much as cheese or milk.
Sheh_fml 25
No they don't. Vegetarians eat eggs and dairy, vegans don't eat anything animalistic. People who can't be bothered to explain their dietary choice are not vegetarians just because they don't eat beef or pork.
kianaaa32 17
Vegetarians do not eat meat, but they still eat dairy,cheese, animal byproducts. Vegans do not eat any animal byproducts or use anything with it, or anything that has been tested on animals.
kianaaa32 17
People who don't eat red meat claim it's because red meat gives you a higher chance of getting cancer. Little do they know, all meats do considering the amount of hormones pumped into them.
Lawlipop07 13
#50 Fish are the only animals that pescetarians eat, not chicken.
Xotoolyxo 16
Time to rethink your life choices, chicken...or no chicken.