Today, my cousin texted me, asking how the chicken pizza had settled in my stomach. We got drunk last night and had pizza. I thought it was cheese; it was chicken. I've been vegetarian for 7 years. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I accidentally bought chicken fingers. I couldn't even make it two days as a vegetarian. FML
Today, after having been a vegetarian for 8 years because I'm opposed to cruelty to animals, I lost a bet and had to eat a whole cheeseburger. I loved it. FML
Today, my cousin came by to visit, and we went out to a pizza restaurant for dinner. She’s a very picky eater, so much so that she takes the cheese off the pizza, despite me politely asking her not to. One of the chefs walks by, sees it, and yells, “What have you done to my beautiful pizza!?” at us. FML
Today, I had pizza for lunch, a cheesy burrito and cheese rice for dinner, topped off with a big bowl of ice cream. Three hours later, I puked it all up. I guess you never outgrow lactose intolerance. FML
Today, I told my mom that I think I'm lactose intolerant, and that I should go to the doctor to get checked out. She said that I was probably just gassy, and then ordered us a pizza for dinner. FML
Today, I was at a party, and heard a mutual acquaintance had been arrested. I asked what for, and was told "Cheese pizza." I yelled in confusion and outrage, since I thought they were joking. I was told later in private what "Cheese pizza" meant. FML
Today, I told my girlfriend that I'm a vegan. She replied, "So, you're allergic to meat?" FML
Today, I got sick of my flatmate stealing my food so I decided to sabotage a leftover pizza with laxatives. I came back home later in the evening after a night of heavy drinking. Guess what I had to eat in my drunken stupor. FML
Today, I was on the phone with my diet coach. I was telling her how I lost 3 pounds this week. I was saying this while eating a bag of chips, a beer in my hand and cooking a 3-meat pizza. FML
Today, I had to tell my wife that the new "vegan" diet she has put us on is not working with my body. It's not the horrible gas, hot shits, or constant hunger that made me realize this. It was the dream I had about fried chicken that did. FML
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Top comments
CoGhostRider 31
Might as well go order a steak now
domiirose28 9
And I bet you thought it was delicious!
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Comments (173)
kaybee41906 13
I hate this notion of breaking a "record" with regard to how long you've been a vegetarian. Just because you screwed up once, it doesn't negate all the good you did by being a vegetarian for 7 years. Don't feel bad OP, accidents happen.
EVILREDINSOMN1A 6
You mean you've been vegetarian for less than a morning
JokersHQ 21
I agree that the situation sucks because you cousin should have looked out for you but honestly if you were too drunk to know what you were eating the you shouldn't have been eating it.
flashback_fml 14
Boohoo?
worldclassrager 41
If I were him I wouldn't have said a word...keep that underground...
iwadasn 33
If you got so drunk that you didn't even know what you were eating, you have no one to blame but yourself.
dbaguy 9
It won't kill you to eat meat
Chris93Jones 20
one of us... one of us...
mulumequitem 6
Deal with it, you probably need the protein. Plus it tastes better than that tofu and soybean shit.
tj4234 36
This really bugs me when people say this. Vegetarians (provided they have a balanced diet) get enough protein and are generally as healthy, if not more healthy than meat eaters. In fact, most meat eaters probably eat too much protein as the amount you use is actually very small (i forget the exact amount, but it's something like 1g per kg of muscle or something).
Mifflicious 18
True that, and the amount of meat you should eat daily isn't that high - people it too much meat nowadays. But noo, you can't say anything about that because then someone will go all "BACON IS GOOD I LOVE MY MEAT MMMM DEAD COW PUSSY VEGETABLE EATER".
thepersephone666 11
There's actually alot of soy things that taste bomb, and they are all loaded with protein and good things for you
chasing_silence 10
just an accident. move on