Today, I told my mom that I think I'm lactose intolerant, and that I should go to the doctor to get checked out. She said that I was probably just gassy, and then ordered us a pizza for dinner. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my mom was on the phone when she decided to blurt out that she got me probiotics for my stomach issues. FML
Today, my mom claimed that lactose intolerance is a "myth" and told me to drink my damn milk because it's good for my bones. FML
Today, I've been staying with my parents while I have time off from school. They got drunk and started an entire family fight because my dad made pizza and my mom is lactose intolerant. She insists my dad did it on purpose because, "he's an asshole and knows I can't eat cheese." FML
Today, my mom told me she is serving lasagna and Italian cream cake at my bridal shower. I'm severely lactose intolerant, which I have been telling her for years. She responded by telling me, and I quote, "The food is for the guests." FML
Today, my mother bolted into my room and let out a huge fart that smelled like rotten meat because she wanted to prove a point, that she had been having intestinal problems for three days. FML
Today, I had pizza for lunch, a cheesy burrito and cheese rice for dinner, topped off with a big bowl of ice cream. Three hours later, I puked it all up. I guess you never outgrow lactose intolerance. FML
Today, my mother made me see the doctor to see if I had irritable bowel syndrome, on the account of how often I go to the restroom. I then had to admit I only go in there to get away from my family. My doctor thought it was hilarious. My mom didn't. FML
Today, my mother had just got home and we were both in the kitchen. She then starts to get out food and I smelled deviled eggs. Delighted, I asked, "Do I smell deviled eggs?" She turned around laughing and announced she'd farted. I effectively got hungry from my mother’s fart. FML
Today, I went to the doctor for horrible stomach pains. He said I had an abnormal amount of stool in me, and that I'd need to flush it out. I called my mom and told her what happened, to which she responded, "I always knew you were full of shit, I didn't need a doctor to tell me that." FML
Today, after months of incredibly painful stomach cramps, I convinced my mom that I needed to see a doctor. Not even 2 minutes into the exam, the doctor tells me that I'm heavily constipated and advised some "prune juice" to help "clear all that shit out". My mom won't stop laughing at me. FML
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Top comments
Limeila 10
Lactose intolerance is not an allergy.
Zealous57 0
I also said that to my parents and they didn't believe me. You know your body better than they do so insist on getting tested. My body ends up getting full after eating a lot of dairy trying to protect itself so I don't get super sick. It's different for everyone. I found out that I was highly lactose intolerant and found out I can't digest lactose at all. It's been 2 years and I'm still struggling to eat dairy free. You really need a support system to do so. There's also lactaid pills that you can consume when you take dairy to help digest dairy products at like Walmart or Target. They're expensive, but they help you with stomachaches and indigestion when you crave ice cream or chocolate. Pinterest dairy free recipes and there are lots of dairy free alternatives at Whole Food stores. Good luck!
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Comments (28)
Wizardo 34
Cheesus Crust, just get yourself tested to be sure.
Zealous57 0
I also said that to my parents and they didn't believe me. You know your body better than they do so insist on getting tested. My body ends up getting full after eating a lot of dairy trying to protect itself so I don't get super sick. It's different for everyone. I found out that I was highly lactose intolerant and found out I can't digest lactose at all. It's been 2 years and I'm still struggling to eat dairy free. You really need a support system to do so. There's also lactaid pills that you can consume when you take dairy to help digest dairy products at like Walmart or Target. They're expensive, but they help you with stomachaches and indigestion when you crave ice cream or chocolate. Pinterest dairy free recipes and there are lots of dairy free alternatives at Whole Food stores. Good luck!
Tripartita 45
She ordered a lactose tolerance test covered in delicious toppings and a side of breadsticks, OP.
moondoglou420 17
When the aftermath hits, use her bathroom.
RichardPencil 32
Do a test. Peel the cheese off your slices and give it to your mom. If you don't get gas or diarrhea, you may be lactose-intolerant. And your mom gets extra cheese for free. Win-win!
Thor1012 28
you really have no clue about cross contamination do you?!
RichardPencil 32
I do, I just don't believe in it. It's just a hoax created by the Chinese because Asian cultures think cheese is disgusting
Thor1012 28
don't believe in it? take it from someone who has an allergy.. any food crossed or mixed in can make me incredibly ill.. same can happen any allergy. Clearly very uneducated in the matter
RichardPencil 32
Clearly you don't recognize political satire when it bites you in the ass. America is never going to be great again with rampant ignorance like this.
ApplePie1994 27
I understand that his second comment was a joke, but the first, really insensitive.
Thor1012 28
I'm not American...
Limeila 10
Lactose intolerance is not an allergy.
Akerra89 14
Just buy lactaid, that should tell you if you are. Just make sure to have a large bowl of ice cream!
KawaiiLettuce 13
Now you have celiac and lactose intolerance ;)
maritime1992 5
"I got a warm meal for dinner tonight. FML."
ellabellaboom 24
Um lol, that's not the point. What good is this "warm meal" if it makes the person ill.
Isa_fml 20
Maybe try some Lactaid. :) You can get it at any drugstore.
Dodge4x4Ram 46
The struggle is real, the smell is horrendous.