Today, my cousin texted me, asking how the chicken pizza had settled in my stomach. We got drunk last night and had pizza. I thought it was cheese; it was chicken. I've been vegetarian for 7 years. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I accidentally bought chicken fingers. I couldn't even make it two days as a vegetarian. FML
Today, after having been a vegetarian for 8 years because I'm opposed to cruelty to animals, I lost a bet and had to eat a whole cheeseburger. I loved it. FML
Today, my cousin came by to visit, and we went out to a pizza restaurant for dinner. She’s a very picky eater, so much so that she takes the cheese off the pizza, despite me politely asking her not to. One of the chefs walks by, sees it, and yells, “What have you done to my beautiful pizza!?” at us. FML
Today, I had pizza for lunch, a cheesy burrito and cheese rice for dinner, topped off with a big bowl of ice cream. Three hours later, I puked it all up. I guess you never outgrow lactose intolerance. FML
Today, I told my mom that I think I'm lactose intolerant, and that I should go to the doctor to get checked out. She said that I was probably just gassy, and then ordered us a pizza for dinner. FML
Today, I was at a party, and heard a mutual acquaintance had been arrested. I asked what for, and was told "Cheese pizza." I yelled in confusion and outrage, since I thought they were joking. I was told later in private what "Cheese pizza" meant. FML
Today, I told my girlfriend that I'm a vegan. She replied, "So, you're allergic to meat?" FML
Today, I got sick of my flatmate stealing my food so I decided to sabotage a leftover pizza with laxatives. I came back home later in the evening after a night of heavy drinking. Guess what I had to eat in my drunken stupor. FML
Today, I was on the phone with my diet coach. I was telling her how I lost 3 pounds this week. I was saying this while eating a bag of chips, a beer in my hand and cooking a 3-meat pizza. FML
Today, I had to tell my wife that the new "vegan" diet she has put us on is not working with my body. It's not the horrible gas, hot shits, or constant hunger that made me realize this. It was the dream I had about fried chicken that did. FML
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Top comments
CoGhostRider 31
Might as well go order a steak now
domiirose28 9
And I bet you thought it was delicious!
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Comments (173)
MakeTodayADTR 20
"Last night I got drunk, went to get food and had the best pizza I've had in years! I wonder what kind of cheese that was??" - Oblivious OP
Mossears133 15
Welcome to the dark side. It's delicious, isn't it?
corocoro 30
Might wanna lay of the booze a bit. Imagine what else you could've ended up putting into your mouth.
ksks1234 33
Legos? They are a choking hazard.
corocoro 30
Too late - they already broke the gate.
domiirose28 9
Mm bacon.
lightanddark 17
damn vegetarians. jk
LennyComa 39
Well that sucks for you, maybe remember your a veggie next time. Or just admit you were wrong and get some ribs choice is yours
Subtext 10
That damned seven-year itch...
boudin227 13
A true self that one would "normally" not display
pdp_fml 21
Vegans are allowed to get drunk? Well, you deserve it because you were too drunk to notice you were eating a chicken pizza, sorry op.
CharresBarkrey 16
Vegetarian, not vegan. Otherwise OP wouldn't have had cheese on their pizza.
imagineapc 11
Not true. There is vegan cheese now! I don't know how they do it, but they do! I live very close to Boulder, the hippie/vegan capital of the world.
love_me_electric 20
It's probably soy cheese. They have soy ice cream too. The texture is very different, so you can tell it's not real diary, but it doesn't taste half bad.
JaneChemi_fml 21
vegan ice cream I'd the best (not a vegan)
SaySayGurl 10
They said they're vegetarian, not vegan. And unless there was some sort of animal product in the alcohol, of course we can get drunk. It's not some freaking religion.