Today, my parents asked me if I was sexually active. My grandma then screamed from upstairs, "She's not even physically active!" FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, if I'm out of breath, sweaty, or in a room with the door closed, my grandmother will loudly yell, "YOU HAVE BEEN MASTURBATING!" as soon as she sees me. It's been going on for three years. My parents think it's hilarious. I want to die. FML
Today, I went to the doctor with my parents. When the doctor asked if I was sexually active, I said 'Yes.' My mom laughed and said 'Good one.' My dad, for added effect said, 'Your hand doesn't count.' FML
Today, my grandma drove me home from school early because I was sick. I went upstairs and heard my parents having sex. Embarrassed, I ran downstairs and was about to leave the house when I saw a car pull into the driveway. It was my dad. FML
Today, my grandmother said she's noticed that I've been very angry lately. She came to the conclusion that I "haven't been laid enough" and my boyfriend is "not doing his job." Thanks Grandma. FML
Today, I got a lecture about being lazy and not being active enough for my age, which ended with, "When I was your age, I was out every night having sex with anything that breathed." Thanks Gran. FML
Today, I was bored and started touching myself watching TV. My mother walked into my bedroom with a phone in her hand and yelled, "Stop jacking off and talk to your grandmother." FML
Today, I walked over to my grandmother's house to pay her a visit. I politely knocked on the door, and there was no answer. Fearing that something had happened, I violently broke down the door to find my grandma and her new 80 year-old boyfriend having sex. FML
Today, I went to the gym with my grandma. In the span of an hour, she was hit on more than I ever have been in my life. FML
Today, I'm staying with my grandmother and overheard her having phone sex. FML
Today, I decided to spend a few days at my grandma's house, to help her clean the place up a bit. So far, she's given me a "no masturbating under my roof" talk, used multiple racist slurs, and yelled "QUIET DOWN!" when I so much as sneezed in the next room. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
perdix 31
Did Grandma say this while banging a guy she picked up at the gym?
obviousboy 8
Grandmas: calling it like it is since they stopped giving a ****.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (76)
lazyfoo92 4
Video games are even a physical activity nowadays so how does that work?
SmallyBigs 9
Having sex takes care of both of those activities.
Enslaved 38
And what about the ones that just lie there like a corpses?
perdix 31
Did Grandma say this while banging a guy she picked up at the gym?
Lrigglez 7
No while she was showing the parents her light up vibrator.
rabidpeach 5
demonstrating while she was visiting them at the cemetary
Wizardo 34
No, probably whilst he was scrounging up doritos and mouldy cheese off of the bathroom floor.
Joe9024 20
I'm surprised OP could hear her with that mouth full of nachos! "Mhmmph Now where are my pants.."
Nicholi124 10
At least she kinda covered for you lol
Welshite 40
Sex is a physical exercise. Go get 'em, girl...
dreamweeper370 10
Cougars these days.
andyyroxx 20
Yeah, and what about you, Grandma?
st333ph 12
That's a question who's answer I would not want to hear.
zingline89 18
Go bang a dude on a treadmill and kill two birds with one stone.
Pleonasm 36
Or just ride a space hopper to a similar effect
zingline89 18
A space hopper/***** combination...hmm...to the patent office!!
Pleonasm 36
Dildopper!
sugarshane007 20
Nothing quite cures the burn when delivered from Grandma.
obviousboy 8
Grandmas: calling it like it is since they stopped giving a ****.
anythingmustbe 18
As Olivia Newton-John says... Let's get physical physical!
happysmile987 24
Er no. Just no.
Felling 14
You just got owned by grandma.