Today, my brother got a pet ferret. He told me it had a flexible spine, so I bent it backwards. It farted, and clawed my face. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after applying for a job at the local pet store, I picked up a ferret. It began licking my cheek, causing me to turn my head. It then latched onto my ear and hung like a giant furry hoop earring. I screamed, then quietly left the building. FML
Today, my brother tried to sit on my head and fart, except he followed through. It didn’t make it past his trousers but for a few brief seconds before he ran to the bathroom I could smell it and feel how warm it was. FML
Today, I was playing around with my sister's kitten. As a joke, I put him underneath the sheets and farted. He attacked my nuts. FML
Today, I was having a playful fight with my brother. I made the point that our dog likes me better than him. To this, my dog jumped onto the sofa, turned to me and vomited on my face. FML
Today, I thought it'd be funny to knee my sister's ass as she was bending over. What I didn't realise was that she was trying to pick up a spider. In shock, she threw it in the air and it landed on my chest. I ran into a wall trying to get it off. FML
Today, I saw my little brother playing with my new kitten. He is only five and isn't very gentle so I took the cat away and told him "You can't play with the cat! I don't think he likes you very much!" in a joking tone. The cat then bit and clawed my face. FML
Today, my brother tried to ninja-kick his dirty underwear up into his hand. He failed and it landed on my face. FML
Today, my brother's new kitten decided to bring me a gift as a sign of love. It was my pet hamster. FML
Today, I found out that my little brother has been rubbing my toothbrush in dog shit for the last month because I accidentally broke one of his toys. FML
Today, I walked in on my little brother making a Devil's trap so he could capture the demon he thinks is possessing my hamster. FML
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Top comments
WinterPerfection 3
What if the spine wasn't flexible?!
FriskyTaco 0
he told you it had a flexible spine so you tried to kill it??
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Comments (336)
brow276 0
******* dick. you could have killed it. bitch.
Beffink 0
You could've broken it's spine you bloody idiot. What were you thinking, honestly?
hiscrazygurl1 5
how about I bend u backwards! jack ass
kitkat98_fml 0
ferrets are so cute, but why the he'll would you bend the spine backwards? ohh dear.
Allymeme 3
I wish the ferret would scratched your eyes out. you would have deserved it. talk about cruelty to animals...
Jazattackk 0
bending a ******* ferret backwards? isnt that like animal abuse?
reachsynthesis 5
YDI for being a fucktard. You don't bend something randomly just because someone says it's flexible. You're lucky it didn't shit itself all over you.
Kingmort35 4
@31: derp
Kasse 4
I'm going to hope it clawed you up real bad so you get a scar, so that you have to explain it and everyone knows how stupid and cruel you are.
padlockd 9
Well what a sicko you are! The ferret should have clawed out your eyes then chewed your fingers off in your sleep.