Today, my brother got a pet ferret. He told me it had a flexible spine, so I bent it backwards. It farted, and clawed my face. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, after applying for a job at the local pet store, I picked up a ferret. It began licking my cheek, causing me to turn my head. It then latched onto my ear and hung like a giant furry hoop earring. I screamed, then quietly left the building. FML
Today, my brother tried to sit on my head and fart, except he followed through. It didn’t make it past his trousers but for a few brief seconds before he ran to the bathroom I could smell it and feel how warm it was. FML
Today, I was playing around with my sister's kitten. As a joke, I put him underneath the sheets and farted. He attacked my nuts. FML
Today, I was having a playful fight with my brother. I made the point that our dog likes me better than him. To this, my dog jumped onto the sofa, turned to me and vomited on my face. FML
Today, I thought it'd be funny to knee my sister's ass as she was bending over. What I didn't realise was that she was trying to pick up a spider. In shock, she threw it in the air and it landed on my chest. I ran into a wall trying to get it off. FML
Today, I saw my little brother playing with my new kitten. He is only five and isn't very gentle so I took the cat away and told him "You can't play with the cat! I don't think he likes you very much!" in a joking tone. The cat then bit and clawed my face. FML
Today, my brother tried to ninja-kick his dirty underwear up into his hand. He failed and it landed on my face. FML
Today, my brother's new kitten decided to bring me a gift as a sign of love. It was my pet hamster. FML
Today, I found out that my little brother has been rubbing my toothbrush in dog shit for the last month because I accidentally broke one of his toys. FML
Today, I walked in on my little brother making a Devil's trap so he could capture the demon he thinks is possessing my hamster. FML
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Top comments
WinterPerfection 3
What if the spine wasn't flexible?!
FriskyTaco 0
he told you it had a flexible spine so you tried to kill it??
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Comments (336)
seeunexttuesdays 6
how far did you bend the damn ferret? wow if I were that ferret I woulda clawed the shit outta your face and clawed our balls off too!
hahalaughing 0
hehe i chuckled:) but what if it wasnt and it died?!?! how bad would you feel....???
LoserxRock17 0
You know, you are one stupid sh*t. I have ferret and I don't just bend them backwards to just see if they have flexible spine! You deserved it. FYL
cheetahcake19 0
I'm surprised you didn't kill it. Ferrets are like slinkys dude
lexisteez 0
someone should bend your f....ing spine backward (:
AgentOfAnarchy 0
you can bend a ferret forwards like a ball, it's pretty much how they sleep but bending it backwards should have killed it.
Renea19 0
Poor ferret. :(
Clarice1 9
Are you serious?? You might want to start praying that large furry aliens never come to Earth, because it would be only poetic justice for them to try the same with you.
amrypunk 0
wow ur a smart one haha
fightingkittens 39
Well, another reason why ferrets aren't good pets. No, not really. Ferrets just smell bad, but OP is a total idiot. I have a very flexible spine (I can reach over my head and grab my feet) but if someone bent me backwards, I would probably do the same thing. YDI.