Today, my brother got a pet ferret. He told me it had a flexible spine, so I bent it backwards. It farted, and clawed my face. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, after applying for a job at the local pet store, I picked up a ferret. It began licking my cheek, causing me to turn my head. It then latched onto my ear and hung like a giant furry hoop earring. I screamed, then quietly left the building. FML
Today, my brother tried to sit on my head and fart, except he followed through. It didn’t make it past his trousers but for a few brief seconds before he ran to the bathroom I could smell it and feel how warm it was. FML
Today, I was playing around with my sister's kitten. As a joke, I put him underneath the sheets and farted. He attacked my nuts. FML
Today, I was having a playful fight with my brother. I made the point that our dog likes me better than him. To this, my dog jumped onto the sofa, turned to me and vomited on my face. FML
Today, I thought it'd be funny to knee my sister's ass as she was bending over. What I didn't realise was that she was trying to pick up a spider. In shock, she threw it in the air and it landed on my chest. I ran into a wall trying to get it off. FML
Today, I saw my little brother playing with my new kitten. He is only five and isn't very gentle so I took the cat away and told him "You can't play with the cat! I don't think he likes you very much!" in a joking tone. The cat then bit and clawed my face. FML
Today, my brother tried to ninja-kick his dirty underwear up into his hand. He failed and it landed on my face. FML
Today, my brother's new kitten decided to bring me a gift as a sign of love. It was my pet hamster. FML
Today, I found out that my little brother has been rubbing my toothbrush in dog shit for the last month because I accidentally broke one of his toys. FML
Today, I walked in on my little brother making a Devil's trap so he could capture the demon he thinks is possessing my hamster. FML
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Top comments
WinterPerfection 3
What if the spine wasn't flexible?!
FriskyTaco 0
he told you it had a flexible spine so you tried to kill it??
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Comments (336)
Chrispayne 4
Humans have flexible spines also along with m
Chrispayne 4
Humans have flexible spines also along with most other animals. Not sure what about this this majes soneone think isa ok to bend a human backwards
Gotrees 0
fun fact- it's illegal to own a ferret in California, because if it gets lost, it can completely change the ecosystem.
oarisimo 4
bitch!
Suzumebachi 5
Aren't those illegal? haha FYL
bobla456 0
Ferret version:Today , I got a new owner it's sister tried to kill me FML
SKANKAS 0
Just because you were told its flexible doesnt mean you can test it. If you heard that you can jumpp off a tower and live would you do it? YDI! Poor little animal!
bichtygurl 0
you **** head I shud see if yur damn back is flexible
Cenobyte 10
Today's lesson: How not to test the flexibility of an animal. Can't wait to see what tomorrows lesson holds.
ohbo 0
that ferret just made you it's bitch!