Today, my brother got a pet ferret. He told me it had a flexible spine, so I bent it backwards. It farted, and clawed my face. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, after applying for a job at the local pet store, I picked up a ferret. It began licking my cheek, causing me to turn my head. It then latched onto my ear and hung like a giant furry hoop earring. I screamed, then quietly left the building. FML
Today, my brother tried to sit on my head and fart, except he followed through. It didn’t make it past his trousers but for a few brief seconds before he ran to the bathroom I could smell it and feel how warm it was. FML
Today, I was playing around with my sister's kitten. As a joke, I put him underneath the sheets and farted. He attacked my nuts. FML
Today, I was having a playful fight with my brother. I made the point that our dog likes me better than him. To this, my dog jumped onto the sofa, turned to me and vomited on my face. FML
Today, I thought it'd be funny to knee my sister's ass as she was bending over. What I didn't realise was that she was trying to pick up a spider. In shock, she threw it in the air and it landed on my chest. I ran into a wall trying to get it off. FML
Today, I saw my little brother playing with my new kitten. He is only five and isn't very gentle so I took the cat away and told him "You can't play with the cat! I don't think he likes you very much!" in a joking tone. The cat then bit and clawed my face. FML
Today, my brother tried to ninja-kick his dirty underwear up into his hand. He failed and it landed on my face. FML
Today, my brother's new kitten decided to bring me a gift as a sign of love. It was my pet hamster. FML
Today, I found out that my little brother has been rubbing my toothbrush in dog shit for the last month because I accidentally broke one of his toys. FML
Today, I walked in on my little brother making a Devil's trap so he could capture the demon he thinks is possessing my hamster. FML
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Top comments
WinterPerfection 3
What if the spine wasn't flexible?!
FriskyTaco 0
he told you it had a flexible spine so you tried to kill it??
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Comments (336)
MooreB 0
I've read this one quite a few times and it still cracks me up!
Alex_5647 2
Are you retarded?
ChaosOfDarkness 0
Ur a ******* dumbass.
Mahtari 19
You don't **** with ferrets. They're evil.
Attica 20
WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?!?!?
mandyk5918 12
Omg you are so mean!!
bigmomma0701 5
Oh wow! That's too funny :-)
teentee401 37
YDI for bending a ferret! Do you go around bending gymnasts too?
AliciaMeow 12
Way to **** up the ferret's trust. I had a ferret, and it took about 3 months for him to let me even hold him for a decent amount of time. If they get used to you, you can do anything with them. I'd bend over so the ferret and I were both upside as a game. It really excited him.
danaharrison 5
Its not a ******* toy... Wow, people should not be allowed to own animals.