Today, my boyfriend told me about this guy who makes balloon animals with his penis. My boyfriend has spent the last 4 hours trying to make his penis look like a pretzel. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend thought it'd be cute to put his penis through a doughnut and try to make me eat it off. FML
Today, I had nothing better to do than make a penis out of silly putty. FML
Today, after a long and stressful day, I started fooling around with my boyfriend. When we finally got to the main event, I found out that we couldn't, because he'd used all his condoms to make water balloons. FML
Today, I walked in on my boyfriend taking pictures of his penis in a condom. When I asked him what the hell he was doing he told me that he was making a stop-motion film called "All Dressed Up with Nowhere to go." FML
Today, it was my boyfriend's 24th birthday. His friends were throwing him a surprise party and I was in charge of getting his birthday cake. As a joke, I got it in the shape of a penis, with a graphic marzipan design. Funny, I never knew his overly-conservative parents were invited. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were reminiscing and sharing funny stories of when we were little. It was then that he told me he used to be flexible enough to suck his own weiner. FML
Today, my boyfriend started freaking out about how his penis floats in water. Baths with him will never be the same again. FML
Today, as a romantic gesture, my boyfriend gifted me an origami vagina. FML
Today, my girlfriend gave me a blow-up doll and told me to practice. FML
Today, I watched my boyfriend have a full on conversation with his penis. He also talks to his penis nicer than he talks to me. FML
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Top comments
whiteboy7thst 2
So he has that long of a penis? Stop complaining..
plebeianFelix 5
that's a lofty goal, you should be proud of him.
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Comments (200)
plebeianFelix 5
that's a lofty goal, you should be proud of him.
ripgeorgecarl1n 7
Its pretty impressive if he can come even close to tying his snake on a knot.
Keyman1212 14
Tell him he can rupture the chambers in his penis, effectively breaking it. He'll think twice before he tries to make a doggie with his peepee.
Pixxio_O 11
I wish I could do that... :(
jordanp17 3
37 I'll let you try with mine
Pixxio_O 11
Thanks for the offer 44 but I'm pretty sure mines longer...
gmc_blossom 21
Hello Pedobear. Good to see you.
zojieeu 6
Shemale? 37
Pixxio_O 11
You shall never know....
Keyman1212 14
Here's a cool, true story 54. My dad is good friends with Alan Rickman. He works with him through the Blackfriar's convention and through the Globe Theatre in London. I've met the man, and being as cruel and unwavering as the character Snape is a testament to Alan's acting ability, because he is a genuinely nice, sincere, affable fellow.
BlAcKgUyLoVeR3 7
cool story bro
eminemchick 19
a guy that made balloon animals with his penis? he mustve been a co-author for the kama sutra.
SirObvious 1
You like pretzels?! Ho
HeyLookJesus 11
The mental imagery is absolutely horrid! :P
goshpeople 4
An even loftier and more impressive goal would be for him to play Paganini on the piano with just his penis and perhaps a partner.
ktateprado 0
I do that every day!
je_suis_fml 11
He's long enough to replicate a pretzel and you're going "fml"? lol.. I'd like some of that "fml"..
enonymous 9
YouTube link.... NOW
emilymelizabeth 11
thats awesome u shud be very proud haha
brad5150 4
Tell him to make a snake
Denikk 0
Pixxio try with mine ... no way yours is longer... I can't even cover it. Well, it's not like I try...
donttalkjusteat 3
A pretzel isn't an animal :P but still, I am impressed
Pixxio_O 11
0.0... I'm sure u do denikk.. But no need as I've already done mine :D
KiddNYC1O 22
This thread is a little disturbing. You should be watching Nick at Nite or something, Pixx.
jannie22 0
Damn OP, your boyfriend must be a big boy. If you know what I mean.
mellasaurusrex 5
how...is that even possible...
Drigr 9
I would be more disturbed by the fact that the guy is looking up guys who can make animals with his penis.
firstgodofwar 0
I did it!!!!!!!!
zachherbert 10
Today, I heard of a man who can make balloon animals with his penis. I am trying to reach this legendary status, but my girlfriend keeps yelling at me. Plus, I've got a boner. Fml
Drigr 9
I can make a balloon snake with my penis.
clumsylittleme 11
Wow. that sucks. but kinda funny. sorry OP
annasworld 3
he's a keeper
Mysanitywins 10
This is epic!
GP14brBaller 5
I just hope he wasn't erect
sexyshit44 0
And u didn't help him op?
duckman9 55
neah, thats not funny, its just sad! and might end up really really painful.
ktateprado 0
^ if it gets stuck in a knotO.o
lmfaoooooooooo 4
Op's boyfriend to doctor: hey doc I broke my penis! Doctor: how? Boyfriend: I tried and turn it into a pretzel.
DomoLaDii 8
wow! lmao
otb113 7
i can make mine look like squidward! push the Jacobs up on each side for the eyes and well his nose... that's self explanatory!
whiteboy7thst 2
So he has that long of a penis? Stop complaining..
maskedman 9
Maybe she likes a small one; maybe she has a teeny tiny hoo-hah, or maybe she has some kind of reverse preference for dicks, or dickslexia, as it is often called.
knights95 9
It's Kenneth Kaniff **** boy
ktateprado 0
It never says he actually makes the pretzel. It says he TRIES.
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
Maybe it's not long, just really skinny. like a cherry stem :P
ktateprado 0
^ I could tie it in my mouth! NO ****.
maskedman 9
That comment actually sounded PRO-****. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
eminemchick 19
ken kaniff from connecticut! no, he's more of a guy thatd be paired up with pedobear.. what time are you getting off?..work? or should i say, what time are you cumming over?
ariannaa_fml 17
Maybe she has chicken cocks?
mellasaurusrex 5
it'd be funny if he was attempting this with a small dick =] but then again....I don't see how it's possible, no matter what your size...
chrisdiazknowsbe 0
Ur a lame and never had a gf
Uncle_Ben96 5
I bet he can't make a snake.
MrPositive 0
That would be hard (get it)
lolololer 8
it might come out to be more like a worm :P
allinicolesmh 0
This comment made my day:)
Cokie_the_Clown 5
He should have tried to make a sword. =)
LuhDemDinosaurz 6
God forbid your bf has a beautiful hobby!
DRE140 0
That's a good way to stretch before sex
mdizzl 6
was he able to do it?
clumsylittleme 11
I was wondering that too. haha
Euronymous93 29
Yeah he'd have to be pretty big to be able to do that.
colecola12 0
At least he has a penis.
maskedman 9
There's nothing like having a penis. Vaginas can be cool too, but penises (or is it penii) are just the bees knees.
sourgirl101 29
Come on. You must have heard that with a ******, you can have as many penises as you want. (old joke) BTW I don't think the plural of penis is penii. I think I read it as penes before but mostly it's spelt penises. I may be wrong. (:
SunDropGirl 0
Hahaha I get your joke! That's funny
Somoajoe11 2
I tried that once... Never worked out make him try it with real balloons. And why would he watch a guy make balloon animals with his penis?
alexistheboss365 0
Question is why not ?
jose1760 1
He likes balloon animals that's why
YoLauryn 0
I wonder if those skills could transfer over to the bedroom?
StopDropNRoll 11
Your telling me you want a pretzel? Cause that sounds painful and hard
shihan123 0
helo darlng
aFatFuck 0
Not to shatter your dreams...but it's basically impossible to bend an erect penis much less pretzel style.. no one has ever done it, it might just break off
YoLauryn 0
Ever heard of sarcasm?? Anyone??
ryanst 7
Sarcasm? Is that some sort of cookie?
VeganVampyre 27
146- Yes! They're much better than chocolate chip. Not as good as Oreos though.