Today, my boyfriend started freaking out about how his penis floats in water. Baths with him will never be the same again. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I caught my boyfriend in the bathtub interrogating his penis and "drowning" it when it wouldn't answer him. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were about to take our first shower together. When he came into the room, he had swimming trunks on. FML
Today, while showering with my boyfriend, he asked if something was weird about his penis. Naturally, I looked closer. As soon as I did, he sprayed my face with urine. This is only the beginning; we just moved in. FML
Today, I thought my boyfriend wanted to be romantic by pouring a bath, getting in then calling me in. As I get comfortable, he stands up and gets out. At the same time, I notice yellow water. He'd pissed in the tub for a joke. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me he doesn't like having sex with me, because I get too wet and it makes him go limp. FML
Today, my boyfriend confessed that he felt so insecure he submerged my $80 vibrator in water to eliminate the competition. FML
Today, I discovered that my fiancé consistently thinks about his fear of breaking his penis while we have sex. He's afraid to have sex with me. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend I was ovulating. He said he didn't want to have sex because he was afraid of getting eggs on his penis. He then compared it to having sex with a fish. FML
Today, my boyfriend informed me that he hasn't showered in over a week because he "doesn't like to be wet." FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that he hasn't showered in over a week, because he "doesn't like to be wet." FML
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Top comments
MsSoulReaper 27
If I had a penis I would so try that.
n_epic_fail 14
No you're just an airhead
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Comments (167)
mariyaaa 0
*insert witty comment here*
Icecream93 4
Lol did he pee too much?
n_epic_fail 14
Shower instead, then call up Bill Nye The Science Guy to teach him about buoyancy.
YayFlameWarz 9
He probably has a chode; More girth is equivelant to more buyoancy.
SokDek 14
This calls for a science experiment!
ty1992_farmlife 12
Agreed lol
I_lost_the_game 25
This is when OP offers to make it heavy
xxxInsanexxx 9
Hey, genius. Urine is held in the bladder, not in the male genitalia.
alsgirl 24
Huh?!
builditbetter09 3
Congrats on the prime pick of the litter...
thantomaniac 0
More like the prime prick of the litter.
builditbetter09 3
He's a prick because he's an idiot?
n_epic_fail 14
Is it me, or are all these buried comments annoying...
xSonic 9
It's you
nubton246 4
I like your pic that car is sick
builditbetter09 3
105 thanks and you got burried by all the ricers and hippies lol
MsSoulReaper 27
If I had a penis I would so try that.
alstbv12 13
I think I'm going to go take a bath so I can try it...
EminGH 7
Don't know how he managed it, I had been trying for 10 mins before I gave up completely and started masturbating.
Jonniii 10
You can borrow mine?
graham11 14
5- hmm I'm going to find one to try this out..
I_lost_the_game 25
I would to after reading this FML
graham11 14
Craig's list anyone?
blondebrunette11 4
Imagine if a parent walked in on a guy floating their penis. Smh.
donaldthegrump 23
I have one, I ought to try this...
top2bottomHBK 0
U guys take baths?!?!? Together?!
MsSoulReaper 27
I always thought it was kinda nice for a couple to relax in a bath together.
loroxe 6
Alan win ^^^
Sirin_fml 47
AND WHAT NEXT, YOU IMMORAL SWINE? BATHING NAKED?
loroxe 6
That's weird sirin, I usually bathe with my clothes on
Sirin_fml 47
As you should, for it is Written, and it makes doing the laundry a thing of the past.
Sirin_fml 47
Well, Alan is my wife, but we haven't yet consummated our marriage. When the day comes, I'll let her take the hazmat suit off.
Sirin_fml 47
When I said I have an undying urge to drop a small planet on Dane Cook, that is not what I meant.
desireev 18
Seeing Alan and Sirin comment makes me feel alot better about the site. I never see them comment. Except when they're shutting an FML down and closing comments.
BoopADoop 9
Your loss if you can't enjoy a nice bath
periwinkle95 10
Share a bath and conserve!(:
supertacowaffle 41
5- I know! Shock horror! -.-
meanmachine888 0
Is that a good thing???
macanderson 2
U r stupid
Justin23L 2
Are you being ironic?
construction 7
Well yeah, it would make it a lot easier for you to grab : )
kelskookachoo 0
Right?
badass243 6
reminds me of kelso from that 70s show..... wich meens your jackie. jackies a bitch so YDI
Commander223 9
I thought this was ******* funny...
Bubbles1354 0
how is she a bitch for saying her boyfriend freaked out like your comment has nothing to do with this
xShannonxSammyx 7
"Wich meens"? Christ, I don't want to live on this planet anymore.
graham11 14
8- holy shit. How many more grammatical and spelling errors can you make? This reminds me of proof-reading this incredibly stupid kid's english paper back in like 5th grade.
ollie179 21
How about a shower instead then?
Right_Click 12
Much more room, I daresay.
nofearjenshere 12
It must be pretty light weight to be floating.
Ebola_fml 20
Aircraft carriers are fairly heavy. Buoyancy and light weight are not the same.
bossroyd 4
So what I'm getting from this FML is that they can also be used as flotation devices?
katydid91 31
Fun fact: If you have breast implants you're more likely to sink if you're drowning than a person without breast implants!
brendan2662 3
Your hot
brendan2662 3
Your hott
MelTheGreat 23
He takes baths?