Today, while I was walking home alone, a homeless man approached me and took me by the hand. Apparently, he's been watching me for weeks and has fallen madly in love with me. He told me not to worry, though, he's "not a rapist." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, as I was walking towards my friends at the bus stop, a man came up to me and asked me out. This was the first time I'd be asked out in months. I accepted. When I reached my friends they looked at me then asked, "Why were you talking to that homeless guy?". FML
Today, while at the supermarket, a complete stranger ran up to me, got down on his knee and confessed his love for me. He was obviously mentally unstable, so I gently declined. He started crying very loudly in front of everyone. I still don't have a clue who he was. FML
Today, I was walking home when I made eye contact with some guy, just being friendly. He then started rapping at me while pointing at his dick. FML
Today, after being hella single through this pandemic, I was gently stopped by an attractive man on my way to the bus stop. He looked deep into my eyes, and I took my headphones out so I could hear him better. Then, he started moving nervously, took a breath… and offered me meth, before tweaking away. FML
Today, I said "bless you" to a nice man who sneezed on the subway. That nice man has now followed me home and stood outside my apartment complex for two hours, claiming to be my "soulmate." FML
Today, I was walking home when an old guy came up to me asking for directions. After I pointed him in the right direction, he held my hand, stroked my face then pushed me into a bush. FML
Today, I, someone who has experienced only one romantic relationship in my 35 years (which ended 8 years ago), was hit on by a homeless drug felon client at work. FML
Today, I ended up talking to a homeless man and bought him a meal. In return, he hugged me and groped my ass. FML
Today, on the train, I was sitting next to a homeless man. As we left the train he shook my hand and was seemingly on his way. That was until he caught me greeting my boyfriend, to which he decided to tell the romantic story of how he murdered a man for "getting too close to his woman." FML
Today, I told my boyfriend we should avoid the local walking trail after I got followed by a homeless man. He assured me we’d be fine and the guy wouldn’t approach me as long as I had a man with me. Wrong. We both got beat up and robbed by said homeless man. FML
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Top comments
xcarxcrashx 9
If he said it it must be true.
Three4Ten 10
Well at least he's not a rapist!
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Comments (193)
xcarxcrashx 9
If he said it it must be true.
JackeeDawn 9
It sure must be true!! -.-
123josie123 11
For probably won't reassure me though lol
winnerme123 8
No rape then no problem. Am I right?
Rowdey 10
No, not at all, 58.
dimi2345 0
Darwin award for you!
hwkfan1 10
Well, he must be right. Because the movie "The Invention of Lying" is true... right?
PandaKitteh 20
At least you are loved ;] That's all some of us could ask for...
gntfmlingnow 12
Now I'm pissed. Someone just copied this shit and put it on reddit... That or OP posted it in two places. For the sake of my faith in F7U12, please tell me you posted this there...
daisiebud 18
I'd probably still call the cops
person_of_music 10
OP should call the cops because its illegal and stalkers are dangerous :|
user324234324 1
Time to buy a taser
ripresno 10
**** tasters; get a gun!
Dracoboxer357 36
31- Hi, welcome to Canada. If you walk around with a pistol out in the open and you're not a cop, you get tasered or shot and depending on which, dragged to jail or dragged to the morgue. :p Kinda hard to legally have one and the conditions for owning one as a civilian, are strict.
ablueshka 0
Well I'm form Canada and I agree but I think it's her falt for what she's wearing. Don't dress like a ***** I u don't wanna get ******
mduffy08 8
56 - yeah I don't understand that. If someone is going to be willing to commit a crime, which is illegal, who's to stop that person from illegally owning a weapon.
ripresno 10
56- Hi, welcome to America where the people are free and get shot freely.
ProfessionalTrol_fml 14
Why are some people here hating on that poor guy. He's a homeless person, not a psychopathic serial killer...
gracehi 33
81, I was about to give you a smart ass reply until I noticed your username.
Dracoboxer357 36
63- By that logic alone, you would be correct. Making something illegal usually works for people not willing to do something illegal. Restricts the law abiders, but doesn't affect the "bad guys", right? Well, I didn't say I supported gun control per say, it's more I've accepted it and the idea an illegal firearm is more difficult to procure to someone who doesn't need it, is a mild comfort. 74- I already presumed you were American, and certainly knew you weren't Canadian, based on your response alone. However, the Only reason I said "Welcome to Canada" was to point out that Op Was Canadian, hense, in all likelihood, did not have normal access to pistols. :p Mind you, she could go get a shotgun a lot easier....with the same reaction from police if she starts carting that around carelessly as well. ;)
gracehi 33
74, People are murdered all over the world. Gun laws only affect what weapons are commonly used, not how often murders occur.
unknown_user5566 27
2- Is it bad that my mind automatically jumped to: "**** tasers, get a sawed-off shotgun!" after reading your comment? I've been watching too many zombie movies. :(
lyssgross 16
THANK YOU! Someone with a little compassion...
downtime 13
83, It also protects people from the idiots whose only barrier to these crimes is access, and the other idiots who carry guns around because they're afraid of everything and are extremely dangerous because it doesn't take much to set them off. The comment about the taser is a perfect example of what I mean, if she has a taser she's likely to use it because she's scared when in reality it may be a case of overkill. The guy sounds reasonably harmless, just a little mentally off. So get a taser if you feel safer with it, but make absolutely sure you don't use it unless he's actually attacking you...
doctorhook86 25
Let's not start shooting homeless people for being affectionate, k guys?
doctorhook86 25
63: It's a trick question. It's impossible to deter all crime--even if every single person was a cop and carried a shotgun, there'd still be crime, it'd just be committed by cops and more people would have shotguns. Deterrence is a shitty strategy for controlling crime. Prevention is cheaper and more effective, and fewer people end up getting shot.
videophone 0
Time to get some pepper spray taser and a knife. Then you'll know for sure if he's a rapist because you will be prepared :). .
blinkydog113 0
time to own some pepper spray too
ppl2ppl 4
Dude, you never know and I'm sure you wouldn't want to be the one to find out if he is or not
animal50199 10
Hahah. Very true.
Kate_batman 5
To own a taser legally where I live you have to have a valid foid card and also complete a taser training course. I'm not sure about other states though.
Ajwc101 24
31, Not everyone has guts to kill someone or leave them with a bullet wound. Also what if the other person gets a hold of the gun?
Three4Ten 10
Well at least he's not a rapist!
efemel94 7
Exactly! He just wants to get in your good books incase you do bath salts.
yoyoforpeace 14
Could be reverse psychology :0
FrostHeart 36
Well he's homeless right? He has nothing to do but watch people and sleep. Besides, of he's been watching you for weeks that means you've walked down that same path home for weeks. I kinda feel bad for that homeless guy though.
akg98 13
He takes the the out of pshco-therapist
melrose90210 10
And you didn't run for your life?
Docbee 11
Do you not know the first rule of self defence? ACT MORE CRAZY THAN THEM to scare them away.
ultra_notorious 26
I know seriously, she just let's him take her by the hand, makes you kind of wonder.
BeccaHugs 17
We that's a relief, eh? Either way, I would suggest finding a new route to take on your walk home.
xXUND3ADcityXx 0
Just don't spray it in his mouth while he's sleeping
Dracoboxer357 36
And of course you feel completely comfortable with his infatuation, right? So, declining him couldn't possibly entice a negative reaction, could it? Being that he's not a rapist and all... :p Scary, and sorry, Op.
Docbee 11
At least he's only a stalker and not a rapist. Let's just hope he also isn't a liar :D
MCRaddict15 15
Yep, with some work, OP could get rid of the stalker. A different route home, pepper spray, sled defense classes and more runs are pretty effective and if not, alert the authorities.
bfsd42 20
Not to be a spelling nazi, but sled defense sounds awesome.
dancinwookie 21
Sled Defense would be a pretty cool band name. For some reason, though, all I can picture is a bunch of elves beating each other with those long, plastic downhill sleds. I'd pay to see both.
beef25967 2
Well, are you in love with him?
KiddNYC1O 22
Legit.
RochelleRedvines 8
If she was this wouldn't be on FML, now, would it?
MakeTodayADTR 20
Haha I love how some people don't understand sarcasm. xD
IscoreOnU 19
139- Lol stupid people **** up our world and make me not want to live in it... I've never understood how people could be so dumb
lonkite101 14
It happens..
BeforeItWasCool 12
Does it?
ablueshka 0
In America it does cuz they crazy
StrangeDuckling 9
(Maybe) give him a chance? Just don't go home with him after dates until you KNOW for sure he is safe. And carry a taser and pepper spray for safety! At least you know you're loved!! (^_^)/
bitchpleasemike 7
he's homeless... you can't exactly do that with homeless people, it's not that easy
Swiftie 0
OP: Thanks for taking me out to dinner, I had a great time. HP: Anytime, so did I. Are you free next Friday? OP: Yep! I guess I'll see you then? HP: You can count on that. You're paying, right? OP: Uh.. Sure? See you next week. HP: See you! OP: *walks inside* HP: *crawls under luxurious cardboard box* This is love, you guys.
StrangeDuckling 9
Lol I didn't think people would take it so serious!! I liked the last comment though! (Mentally and Physically)
MochiDango 4
I could just imagine OP going "home" with him. "So... This underpass is great, you've done a lot to spruce up the place."
MochiDango 4
I feel like an idiot, I should have hit the next page button on the comments, mine sounds like a ripoff of the one above because it was hidden on my phone... -face palm-
StrangeDuckling 9
Lol, it's ok... I think you got my joke (the original comment), so that's cool. =]