Today, my boyfriend's mom got him a shitload of Axe for his birthday. Now I get nauseous whenever I go near him. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend decided to gift me soap, a razor, and deodorant for my birthday. FML
Today, my 13-year-old son discovered Axe. Axe shower gel. Axe shampoo. Axe body spray. All at once. FML
Today, my boyfriend gave me acne cream for my birthday. FML
Today, it was my birthday. My boyfriend was kind enough to give me prescription strength deodorant. FML
Today, I went on a blind date. People always joke about how horrible Axe is, but this guy sprayed it on so thick that I genuinely had to fight to not retch the entire time. It was so bad that at one point I thought I was going to pass out. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me I smell like his grandma's house. FML
Today, my mother chewed me out for not wearing deodorant and smelling of B.O. I was wearing plenty of deodorant. My shirt just smelled like my boyfriend, whom I'd been cuddling with earlier. FML
Today, my boyfriend's mother told me she bought the same perfume that my boyfriend got me for Christmas last year. He loves that perfume. Now, whenever he smells me, he's going to think of his mom. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were visiting his parents. When we got there, I hugged his mother, and she glared at me. Later that day, I heard her telling her son that he should leave me because I smell like cigarettes, and she hates smokers. I don't smoke, my boyfriend does. He did all the way there. FML
Today, my son sprayed Axe body-spray all over the house in the vain hope of covering up the scent of the joints he'd been smoking. FML
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Top comments
BntyHntrSeattle 30
Give him the ax or you yourself will timber.
billy199494 14
She must want you to stay away
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Comments (133)
Scubanaut 13
If you pass out, then you know it's working. Men are immune to the chloroform in it. The reason? If you're using axe, you're in desperate need of affection.
Welshite 40
Darn. I thought all those unconscious girls actually loved me. Does that mean I have to let them go?
kjack49044 18
No, just wait for the Stockholm's to set in.
nlm92 15
The spray is absolutely horrendous. I actually don't mind their shampoo/body wash though. It's a lot more mild.
martin8337 36
Is it like roofies?
Axipiter 24
Thank you 23. I sometimes feel terrible for actually using it. Especially when I look at the back of the bottle and see how it's supposed to attract girls to complete douches. But Phoenix and Jet I actually use. But I only started using them because they were named for things that fly... Yeah, I probably have some issues...
JKPwnage 27
I agree, #1. Why are people thumbing this down?
IceWrath 22
#70 Because they more than likely use Axe.
sweetest_jenn 18
OP's boyfriend's mom probably knows the stuff acts as a repellant.
BntyHntrSeattle 30
Give him the ax or you yourself will timber.
IloveToLaugh143 21
Hopefully your boyfriend doesn't mistake your nausea for desire.
ironichalibut 24
"The night was perfect. She had that starry look in her eyes. Then she fell into my arms."
groovycrazyjoe 18
lol , why she doesn't just tell him to lighten up on the axe
viva_la_blondes 15
Yeah and who knows how much of the stuff he has! ...No really. Does anybody know? I'm not familiar with a "shitload" as a unit of measurement.
ironichalibut 24
It's less than a shit tonne, but more than a shit pound. It falls somewhere near a short shit ton, errybody knows that.
Sandman366 6
90-Probably more than he needs. (Approx.)
billy199494 14
She must want you to stay away
badluckalex 23
I was thinking the same thing. all axe products smell like dirty buttholes
brenton490 19
Old spice for life!!
Simplyeatapples 15
That's the reason mothers gift axe I doubt they enjoy the smell
BaglMinionz 8
Either that or she can't smell anything.
dingostacy 14
You should tell him it's way too strong. He might not realize it. And you probably aren't the only one suffocating either.
sunshineb81 16
#4 exactly. Say it very nicely though. That's what friends do. Got something in your teeth after lunch? Your friend will tell you. You need to tell the man he smells bit strong and should use less of the product. It's the nice thing to do.
REALAfroninga 11
Axe got me laid!- said no one. Ever.
shyeahh_fml 19
I definitely feel that she should tell her boyfriend, but it may or may not be that big of an issue. Except for the axe... But my sister used to tell me that I sprayed way too much cologne every morning and that she could taste it, in the hallway, through my closed door. And I'd do one spray of Hugo Boss every morning, so it's not really possibly for me to spray less. So I guess my point is that it may smell stronger to some people and he might not be using very much to begin with. My cologne smells strong to my sister, but I tend to get compliments on it from everyone else.
TXFernwoods 26
He's like a middle school boy. They use a **** ton of that stuff. It's horrible.
rhysfucker 24
Back in my day all the guys drowned themselves in Drakkar. It was brutal, too.
zandalee 20
Better than Brut... Gag
ashingtondc 3
Our lockeroom smells like chemicals from all the axe everyone sprays into the air.
jkmartinjk 16
The best were the unstoppable axe bombs, with an elastic holding the trigger, thrown into the girls change room after p.e. Ahhh the smell of middle school
Simplyeatapples 15
Not only middle school.. In my high school some of the boys carried 3 bottles... I don't know if they are immune to the smell or what but they would suffocate all the girls in class
JazNim17 18
Ah, middle school..... the days when I went through a period of frequent, serious migraines (the kind that cause nausea and double vision). The cause, according to the doctor? Strong cologne. The boy who sat in front of me in science class literally was making me vomit with Axe.
EvilLittleMan 23
Inform your boyfriend the Axe will prevent his wood from growing.
chickenfeet223 11
How does that have anything to do with the smell?
A7XCamaro 19
If he keeps using it she won't give him a reason to grow his wood.
Lunasis 14
spray him with fabreeze
bryanjamieluke 17
It's spelled Febreze, just for your information.
extrasnipes 22
Naaah fabreeze is better than febreeze, it's more FAbulous
REALAfroninga 11
I thought it was freebreeze! Like, smelling the breeze is free.
cmac86 24
aerosol war!
False_Stupidity 42
Oh God!, i'm just imagining the titanic battle of the smells between Febreeze and Axe. The resulting "interesting smell" could be used for chemical warfare.
bryanjamieluke 17
Despite popular opinion, I really do like Axe. I don't bathe in it, though it sounds like your boyfriend does.
rocker_chick105 31
it's fine when used in small amounts. Guys tend to drench themselves which is unattractive in my opinion.
garebear61 14
@17 I feel your opinion is a very common one when it comes to axe!
bryanjamieluke 17
@22 - not according to FMLers!
lulinator 40
I also love it. Just picked some up for my boyfriend, he let me pick the scent. That's love, lol.
jkmartinjk 16
^ Maybe it's because he's scared you'll beat him up?
howlingwolf89 16
That bitch
foxwasalamb 24
like your mom jk
SnotRocket25 8
Are you in junior high??
bryanjamieluke 17
Does being in Jr. High have anything to do with someones' choice in what they use to smell good?
DomiLove 26
Yes, yes it does, and how much of it they use.
notabeachbabe 13
yes it does. Middle schoolers think that it will make them irresistible or something so they use a can a day lol I don't think that they understand that it has the opposite affect.
MissStephanie 10
If there is any smell that could bring me back to middle school, its definitely Axe. It was the absolute worst when anybody would bring that shit out on a crowded school bus.