Today, my boyfriend again accused me of cheating on him. This time, it was because I delayed replying to his text message so I could feed my pet. Apparently I'm fucking my pet toad now. Jesus. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend heard me confessing my undying love to someone while we were skyping. He's now convinced that I was talking to some other guy and had forgotten to mute my phone. I was talking to my cat. FML
Today, my cheating, psycho asscricket of an ex texted me and asked me back out. I said no, and didn't think any more of it, at least until an hour later, when I looked out my window, only to see him smearing a bag of dog crap all over my porch. FML
Today, my boyfriend got mad at me because I refused to keep him company while he took a shit. FML
Today, my boyfriend accused me of making an FML about him. I let him know that if I were going to make an FML, it would be about how he doesn’t flush the toilet after he uses it. He responded by not flushing the toilet again this morning. FML
Today, I cheated at card games to let my boyfriend win. I did it because I don't like him to throw the cards at me when I win. Now he just thinks I'm "so slow a turtle could kick my ass" and that he has "a cute little bubbly spud-brained girlfriend." FML
Today, my boyfriend is seriously mad at me for telling his cat what he got it for Christmas. FML
Today, I confronted my boyfriend because I suspected he had been cheating. His reply? "Took you long enough to figure it out." FML
Today, my boyfriend became convinced that I cheated on him, and broke up with me, saying he would "get me back." When I came home, I found his key on my counter and my cat missing. FML
Today, I sent my boyfriend a sweet text message, since he recently complained that I'm rarely romantic. Instead of being happy, he decided that since it's so out of character for me, I must be cheating on him and must have only sent it out of guilt. FML
Today, my girlfriend accused me of cheating, all because I don't text her throughout the day. Last week she told me she would get fired if she was caught reading texts at work, and to stop texting her during her work hours. FML
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Top comments
beezerbnt00 4
Pretty sure that's illegal....
Rodders_SOTC 1
It will only get worse, get rid.
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Comments (187)
YourAddictionx 9
Nice username. Smart decision.
YourAddictionx 9
Nice username. Smart decision.
ebonyirony 29
Ah by feed your toad you mean fornicate with others. I get it. How many toads are you feeding?
sheethapins 13
That's toadally ridiculous. Frog him! If I was you op I would hop over there and give him a good th'warting that he'd never forget! Then I'd fly to his place and tear up that lilly pad! He's just a tadpole overboard, you can slime better.
JoeRogansBEARD 15
(slow clap)
seg7533 1
In my experience when they are that jealous. They are cheating on you and are projecting. He sounds like an ass. Dump him. There is someone so much better out there for you.
vbmg152 19
You need a new boyfriend! This guy's ridiculous! Trust me, it won't work! If you end up married to this jerk, you're headed for disaster! 30 years ago, I married a man I loved deeply! He was soo jealous, he started hitting me, accusing etc... A year later, my Dad died & he told me that if I went to the funeral, I could never come back! He was sure that I was going home to cheat on him! I went to the funeral & never saw him again! 2 yrs later, I got divorce papers in the mail! Think about it! You don't want your heart broken in little pieces, it takes years & a good man to put it back together! Get out, now! If you don't, YDI!
zandalee 20
Wow. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger huh!? So lovely to hear your story and that you are happy and alive to tell it! Also great to see someone my age on FML!! Lol. X
redmnky21 8
don't blame him ur the idiot putting up with it
Kangarooster 4
Dump him, who would want to be with someone like that? It's not worth it.
nrr13145768 13
Dump his ass
totheforest84 4
Probably only a matter of time before this guy starts beating women. No good. I'd say get away but your name looks like that has been handled.