Today, I climbed the tree in my backyard so I could cut off some stray branches. I ended up getting stuck, and instead of immediately getting help, my wife started laughing and recording me. The video is now circulating on Facebook, and my new nickname is "Hawkeye." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my husband finally got round to cutting down a tree limb in our front yard after months of me begging him. It fell on me. FML
Today, I was trying to convince my husband to not trim the lower branches of my favorite tree. After pleading my case, I turned around and ran smack into one of said branches. My face and my dignity still hurt. FML
Today, I spent a half hour trying to help my cat down after he got stuck in the tree on my lawn. I finally gave up and called a local tree care company to help. When I returned outside, I found my cat casually walking about by the door. The guy who showed up to help was not happy. FML
Today, I tried to propose to my partner in a creative way, but ended up getting stuck in a tree. FML
Today, I finally went to Home Depot to buy a chainsaw to cut down the tree leaning dangerously over my garage. When I got home, I found the tree had fallen and taken out the roof while I was shopping. FML
Today, my father was pruning the tree in our front yard. I was helping him collect the falling branches. At one point, a branch fell and I was under it. My father jumped to push me out of the way. Instead he pushed the branch into my face. FML
Today, my friends and I went to the park for some planking. Trying to find a daring spot, I climbed a tree and laid down on a branch. While I was waiting for my friends to take a picture, the branch gave out. FML
Today, I fell in a hole in my back yard and got stuck. My mother called the fire department. They all stood around laughing and taking pictures before they helped me. FML
Today, I tried a heroic rescue: a toddler’s teddy stuck on a fifth-floor balcony. I borrowed a ladder, climbed while sweating, reached it, and felt my trousers rip with a sound like Velcro in a thunderstorm. Dangling there with my superhero boxers exposed, three people filmed me while jeering. FML
Today, I was at Home Depot getting a Christmas tree with my family. While picking out a tree, a man thought it would be nice to help cut off the string that held the tree together. The branches hit me in the face and the guy managed to cut my hand. FML
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Top comments
ebonyirony 29
Put it on YouTube so we can see!
DocBastard 40
How does that old saying go? Oh yeah - Learn to laugh at yourself, because everyone else is laughing at you already, jackass. I may be paraphrasing.
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Comments (110)
ebonyirony 29
Put it on YouTube so we can see!
jacsoccerdude3 10
What's the link?
FirstTigerHobbes 13
1- Don't worry, the video will find it's way to YouTube.
ebonyirony 29
Seriously if anyone finds it I wanna see it.
Inheritance 10
Should be called a treant..
porkpiehat 8
Yeah, you kind of asked for it.
lovertolover 4
And just how, pray tell did he ask for it?
ebonyirony 29
2- yeah sure. "please tape this I want to look like a fool and tell FML about it, honey."
amandajlucas2015 2
He asked for it because he was dumb to climb the tree.. That's what a ladder is for.. We aren't monkeys
b00ms 1
I agree. Hahahaha. Make sure you know how to climb down
P374RD3D 9
Why get a ladder when you can just climb the ******* tree?
JustDerpin 11
Why get in the tree at all?
Zomg_Okay 27
89 - To get rid of stray branches.
porkpiehat 8
Only 36 TDs? That's all you got? I thought the simple minded could do better than that.
LappDance 16
Just laugh it off, it really isn't that big of a deal.
TADspace 30
Shoot them with arrows.
ebonyirony 29
TO THE KNEE!!!
cat0720 9
I HATE THAT STUPID JOKE! (no offense but it's really getting on my nerves)
ebonyirony 29
Haha it's ok I hate it too. I actually had to mute my game when the guards would say it. It's like they didn't get the memo.
MsSoulReaper 27
Atleast the nickname is cool? Sorry OP, it'll blow over soon.. Hopefully.
Hershey903 5
I would pay for archery lessons, then you could live up to your name :)
ironwords 8
Oh please, DR. Benjamin Franklin "hawkeye" pierce of the 4077th M*A*S*H beats your stupid movie guy anyday
DocBastard 40
How does that old saying go? Oh yeah - Learn to laugh at yourself, because everyone else is laughing at you already, jackass. I may be paraphrasing.
ebonyirony 29
6- I'm pretty sure that's how it goes. It's what my daddy says, anyway.
whosindahouse 9
Whenever I laugh at myself I start crying and then I get beat up.
JustKittyKat 24
Today, I received a cool nickname. FML Try looking at it lightly, hawkeye.
desertrose415 8
Better than spasticock, I think
MolesterStallone 13
Aww we all have our embarrassing moments but we all laugh about them later on!
HSOMGF 5
Your wife is an idiot.
lostinlabels 8
You would be an idiot not to.
iwadasn 33
"Hawkeye" is actually a pretty cool nickname. I'm assuming people aren't telling the story every time they call you that, so it seems like it'll work out in your favor.