Today, my girlfriend of a year exclaimed "Oh my god!" for the first time during sex. Nope, I haven't improved in bed, I recently moved a TV into my room and something exciting happened on the show she was watching. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, me and my girlfriend were watching some show about sex on the discovery channel. The topic of female orgasms came up and she said, "Wow, I wonder what that's like?" We've been dating and sexually active for three years. FML
Today, I finally got intimate with my girlfriend, the girl of my dreams. I undressed and, ready to step in bed with her, I see her staring at 'it'. Which was quickly followed by laughter. FML
Today my girlfriend actually moved during sex. I love her, but she's so awful in bed. FML
Today, I realized just how bad I am in bed when my girlfriend literally yawned the words, "Oh God" while attempting to fake an orgasm. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were going to have sex. To set the mood, she suggested we watch a porno she once starred in. FML
Today, I told my girlfriend that I miss the amazing sex life we used to have, as we haven't had sex in months. She accidentally blurted out, "Well, I've still got one." It seems our neighbour has taken over my role in the bedroom. FML
Today, I learned two things. First, my girlfriend loves sex. Second, I'm practically the only one she hasn't had sex with in the 2 months we've been dating. FML
Today, my girlfriend fell asleep during sex. This isn't the first time. FML
Today, I was trying to give my girlfriend an orgasm as she was lying on her back. I asked her, "How do you like that, baby?" She responded by asking where I bought my suspended ceiling and spotlights, as she thought they would look good in her flat. She apparently got bored instead of turned on. FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when she starts laughing and says, "Wow, this is just too funny." FML
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Top comments
BlueTwist89 0
Move the TV back out of your room :).
perdix 31
Yes, you did improve in bed -- you brought in the TV! I'm sure your gf is thrilled that you are open to the idea of getting electrical devices involved in your otherwise tedious sex life. You are going to have to demote yourself from the role of boyfriend to being the pimp for a series of vibrators and a series of electro-hydraulic sex contraptions. I can't wait to see you bitch-slap the Orgasmatron 6900 for not showing you da money.
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Comments (97)
HouseHunter 2
well uh OH GOD
Pastor_Rich 0
marry her and make an honest woman out of her
Viatus 0
**** religion
legonut4 0
it's funny because she finds tv more exciting then sex with you the sex was not nice and moist
allenrotstein 0
man, its all about her CLIT. Penetration alone won't cut... are you 15?
DearLar 0
Atleast you got laid.
remy3106 10
26 u look like a perv haha
heynow00wellthen 0
26-well you sound like you've got lots of experience. ^,^ lol
susieKiute 0
numero 26 is right
luv4xlr8ion 0
actually if you know how to use your **** you don't need to touch the clit, but 90% of guys can't 1. make a girl cum and 2. last more than 10 mins lol sucks to be you guys
dickster 0
I hope you get AIDS and die alone OP.
TheAwesomeMarchi 0
I agree dude......it's all about the CLIT
crazyazzkike 0
there are so many kids on FML, I wouldn't even be surprised if he were under 15. you fail @ sex, OP. try getting a ****.
twinny_sc 13
53 you are mistaken.
falluke17 0
alright everyone, 53 seems to be the pro here... even though he looks like a tard?
hugopz 0
LOL yes he does
hockeybuff 0
ya, I guess fat girls need lovin too!
luv4xlr8ion 0
lol it's funny you leave a comment like that when you're too self conscious to upload a pic of yourselves. I bet both of you are fat slobs who can't get any lovin period.
MykeLytorus 0
just because someone doesn't upload a pic doesn't mean they're self concious about it, I've uploaded pics to the net but not FML. In your case you shouldn't have bothered. You look like an idiot and sound like one too. The ones that brag are the ones that really have no reason too. Nobody wants to hear you insult them as a group. You don't even know who you're adressing-- you're just trolling. Run along.
luv4xlr8ion 0
lol who asked you? didn't realize you were the voice of FML, I should have asked around, huh
toxic10uhc 0
fail.
rimouski 0
#80. you sound like a ******...
ChesterJester11 0
at least the tv can satisfy her
MightyGoober 2
#83 is the biggest win of them all
AceArctic 4
44 that fits in nicely here
Domonator 16
Better get more practice!
mylyfzeffedup 0
more practice my ass! he deserves it for bein wack as shit. n btw I <3 Domo!
BlueTwist89 0
Move the TV back out of your room :).
BehindTheSun 2
That's not a good idea, then he'd never get any.
BlueTwist89 0
He said he recently moved the TV into the bedroom. So...he was having sex w/o a TV there. Maybe try # 8's suggestion.
Shashaw_fml 0
LOL, time to turn off the TV and try something new together
WiseGuy79 14
You must be extremely bad in bed if she has to watch tv to keep entertained Lol Watch some **** together and learn some new moves rookie
Niick_fml 0
YDI for not improving in bed.
jackieeoo 0
ydi for making her so bored in bed that shed watch tv
nascar1477 0
you are gorgeous! :)
coffee_enima 0
you know, most couples watch **** in bed, not 90210.
justsayfuck 5
What about not watching anything on tv at all? And having only eyes for each other. All these FML's make me feel too old fashioned, what happened to romance? :(
deafeningsilence 8
I totally agree with 23.
mitchie11 0
23.. this entire website makes me feel old fashioned. Most of these fmls talk about sex with one's own bf/gf and it's just depressing to see how sex has lost its meaning to most of the world.
blueeyes24 0
tv is the bedroom is never a good idea
sebs_fml 0
well at least she makes noises now so its not as awkward....... kinda.
Maflagulator 1
Apparently he did not make her nice and moist.....
triggerit 5
#16 you are really have a sense of humor and guts...lol
remy3106 10
haha ^
allenrotstein 0
16, Your pic is a winner!!
ChicaTongana 0
lmao! 16 you have officially made my day:)
crazyazzkike 0
16 looks just like my dad :) haha! nice gut, brah.
xxniteskie 1
lmao. <3 16's pic.