Today, my boss made me some tortellini for lunch. As I was happily eating it, he started to give me a massage, while talking to his friends in Greek. He told me that he said "She's my #1 cashier." Turns out, what he really said was "See, if you feed them well, they let you touch them." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I saw a customer at the restaurant I work at lovingly petting his cheeseburger and whispering sweet promises to it. FML
Today, my attractive boss sat me down in the break room to say how much she appreciated how much work I've been doing despite being a temp. She was wearing a skirt, and I couldn't take my eyes off her legs. She then patted me on the leg and said "Good Talk". It wasn't my leg. FML
Today, while working at a pizza place with my girlfriend, I called my boss to tell him we were short on sausage. Under her breath I heard my girlfriend say, "sounds like somebody I know." FML
Today, my boss slapped me on the ass and said, "Good work, princess." FML
Today, on my first day of work, my new boss treated me to lunch. Thinking she was really nice, I thanked her for the treat. She fixed me with a cold, unsmiling stare and said, "Oh, don't thank me. I'm being paid to do this." FML
Today, while working as a cashier, I was ringing up an elderly woman's massaging shower head, when she said, "If I had a man like you, I wouldn't need this." She then gave me her number. FML
Today, I was called into my first day of work as a cashier. Not even 30 minutes into training, my boss had already "accidentally" touched my ass 7 times. FML
Today, my boss came over to my desk and struck up a casual conversation about movies. After a while, he sat on the edge of my desk, nodded toward my chest, and said in the same casual, lighthearted tone, "And nice cleavage today. Keep that up." FML
Today, yet again, my boss whined to me like a baby over being "friend-zoned" by his secretary. Not only does he basically stalk her and make her eat lunch with him every day, she's a lesbian in a committed relationship. He suspended me after I lost it and told him to see a fucking therapist. FML
Today, my boss told me he was going to start taking money out of my pay, because his wife makes us lunch. I work for my dad, and he wants to start charging me because my mom makes me a sandwich. FML
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Top comments
immafiremylaser 0
Why were you not put off by the initial fact that your boss was giving you a massage? And how did you find out? Did his friends tell you? Do you speak Greek, OP?
pandemic_fml 0
Well, OP, apparently he wasn't lying, since you let him do it. I would never let any of my bosses touch me like that. It's not like you can claim sexual harassment, considering it seemed like you enjoyed it until you realized he knew the true way into your little shell.
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Comments (163)
TempestJones 0
First! lols... Your boss makes me giggle
kooner55 0
so true
cookiemobzta 0
looks like you should keep letting him feed you
brianred5 0
I bet you liked it
sublimaze 6
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Here's what *really* happened: Today, my boss made me c0ck sandwich for lunch. As I was happily eating it, he gave me a massage while talking to his friends in Greek. He told me that he said "She's my #1 c0cksucker." Turns out, what he really said was "See, if you treat them like a worthless bitch, they let you stick it in their @ss & then put it in their mouth. They like to eat their own sh!t"
kikiface 1
do i sense some weird repressed anger #52?
sicpupyz122 0
lol 53
bettadenne1 0
i think someone is letting out old childhood memories..
KickapooRockstar 0
53 can you please not be so beautiful?
brutal_banger 10
she can. hasn't started in the first place
kikiface 1
jealous, #70?
SEALMaster11 0
agreed
rachel120 0
jealous? haha that's funny :)
garrettjordan 0
a creeper boss but a funny one
MacOSXpert 7
Number 52 is a Feminist.
chrislink 6
lmfao just like Obama is a racist
michael32123 0
I'm gonna go steal a hot chicks pic off the Internet like kiki did!!
ouchthatsux 0
91 is sexy
samantha_durano 6
113: yes.
ecko_7672 0
i believe 120 is sexier ;)
kikiface 1
lol, i'm glad you think my pic is hot enough to steal
jerseygirl99 3
hahahahahahaha that is so true
XCaLX_fml 0
ur a bitch
immafiremylaser 0
Why were you not put off by the initial fact that your boss was giving you a massage? And how did you find out? Did his friends tell you? Do you speak Greek, OP?
mikeyboi19 5
good tortellini and a massage is always welcomed
Residence_fml 4
yeah I don't understand how blind you can get when your BOSS makes you something to eat, even when he is a really nice boss and then even massages you when you're a cashier and that's not something like.. an extreme sort of job. You do could sue him though probably won't win.
TrekkieGirl 0
OP, you either really like your boss or the attention. Those are the only reasons why you wouldn't have been offended by him putting his hands on you. Sharing a non-work related lunch with him is a little creepy too! Common sense is lacking a little here.
0___0 9
I know OP is lucky you get $$, food, and a massage! I want your job!!! STOP COMPLAINING >:{
Hapsap 0
Looks like a feeder in the making.
wordgirl 0
That was funny. :D Your boss just WON. ;)
ringmybell_fml 0
'tis true, though. ;)
wan2knowu 3
nice pic. :-)
Quest_ 13
This is also true of men.
maskedman 9
you don't have to feed men if you have big breasts. they'll just let you touch them.
lickmyjock 0
You liked it you prick tease that'll do anything for your job.
pandemic_fml 0
Well, OP, apparently he wasn't lying, since you let him do it. I would never let any of my bosses touch me like that. It's not like you can claim sexual harassment, considering it seemed like you enjoyed it until you realized he knew the true way into your little shell.
IAMLALA 0
i agree with #9 why was she allowing that? plus, she had to allow smaller things like him touching her arm, hand, or something. he just didnt start the massage lol scary.
oshit_itsjess 0
I lost the game.
mariahrawks 0
@12 ah, no fair. You made me loose as well. OP- are you sleeping with him?
st0n333d 0
awwwww 12 I hate u
cowgod 0
you got no game
Jayms_fml 32
LOL, Good one.