30 years-old
Today, I admitted to my mother that I've had sex with my boyfriend. She seemed to handle it well, but when my boyfriend came over, she condemned him to hell in between asking him what he would like to have for dinner. FML
Today, I was at the DMV getting temporary tags for my new car. While waiting in line, a huge fat lady behind me felt the need to run her finger down the scar on the back of my neck. FML
Today, I woke up to my husband slowly pulling my blanket off me. I thought he was being romantic until I realized it was because the cat had puked all over me while I was sleeping. FML
Today, I was late to a sold out movie in the theater, so I had to shuffle in during the previews in the dark. I sat down in what I thought was the last vacant seat, but I'd really just sat in a small woman's lap. She was not happy. FML
Today, my boss walked down to my office with me to get some paperwork after a very tense, important meeting. He patiently waited while I tried to unlock my office door with my remote for my car. Twice. FML
Today, I was in a hurry trying to get into my locker, but it stuck. After a few frustrating attempts, I finally managed to get it open. In anger, I threw the door open, but it bounced back and hit me in the head. My natural reflex was to jerk forward, giving myself a black eye from the hook inside. I got in a fight with my locker and lost. FML
Today, I was told I look like Susan Boyle. FML
Today, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to speak Parseltongue to my vagina to "prepare the Chamber of Secrets for entry". FML
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