Today, my boss made me some tortellini for lunch. As I was happily eating it, he started to give me a massage, while talking to his friends in Greek. He told me that he said "She's my #1 cashier." Turns out, what he really said was "See, if you feed them well, they let you touch them." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I saw a customer at the restaurant I work at lovingly petting his cheeseburger and whispering sweet promises to it. FML
Today, my attractive boss sat me down in the break room to say how much she appreciated how much work I've been doing despite being a temp. She was wearing a skirt, and I couldn't take my eyes off her legs. She then patted me on the leg and said "Good Talk". It wasn't my leg. FML
Today, while working at a pizza place with my girlfriend, I called my boss to tell him we were short on sausage. Under her breath I heard my girlfriend say, "sounds like somebody I know." FML
Today, my boss slapped me on the ass and said, "Good work, princess." FML
Today, on my first day of work, my new boss treated me to lunch. Thinking she was really nice, I thanked her for the treat. She fixed me with a cold, unsmiling stare and said, "Oh, don't thank me. I'm being paid to do this." FML
Today, while working as a cashier, I was ringing up an elderly woman's massaging shower head, when she said, "If I had a man like you, I wouldn't need this." She then gave me her number. FML
Today, I was called into my first day of work as a cashier. Not even 30 minutes into training, my boss had already "accidentally" touched my ass 7 times. FML
Today, my boss came over to my desk and struck up a casual conversation about movies. After a while, he sat on the edge of my desk, nodded toward my chest, and said in the same casual, lighthearted tone, "And nice cleavage today. Keep that up." FML
Today, yet again, my boss whined to me like a baby over being "friend-zoned" by his secretary. Not only does he basically stalk her and make her eat lunch with him every day, she's a lesbian in a committed relationship. He suspended me after I lost it and told him to see a fucking therapist. FML
Today, my boss told me he was going to start taking money out of my pay, because his wife makes us lunch. I work for my dad, and he wants to start charging me because my mom makes me a sandwich. FML
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Top comments
immafiremylaser 0
Why were you not put off by the initial fact that your boss was giving you a massage? And how did you find out? Did his friends tell you? Do you speak Greek, OP?
pandemic_fml 0
Well, OP, apparently he wasn't lying, since you let him do it. I would never let any of my bosses touch me like that. It's not like you can claim sexual harassment, considering it seemed like you enjoyed it until you realized he knew the true way into your little shell.
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Comments (163)
0___0 9
I'm not a hooker and I like being bitten ;[
WtfLoser 13
Aw ): Pauvree toii ..
DeathShad0 1
That's funny.
scorchster 0
I see your point about DukeskidMark being a moron. BUT, from my experience, he is very correct. although I will say he is overgeneralizing girls. the girls who aren't worth it fit his ideas, the girls who are do not. smart girls see right through the bullcrap of some guys, and see who is really the best choice. and I believe this all from experience. and that crap about girls being seductive by clothing choices on purpose.....no.
scorchster 0
eh sorry mean to reply to #99....stupid FML App.
scorchster 0
...and I'm going to have to say you're a ****** for post #98 DukeSkidmark. I disagree with the first three sentences (haha) but then you start going off on tangents that are irrelevant and stupid. You are why some girls think guys are rude and ignorant.
pendulum2012 0
it goes both ways, kid. how often do you see a good looking guy with a fat or ugly girl? ever notice how in movies, ugly and/or fat guys get hot girls all the time, but hot guys NEVER go for fat and/or ugly girls? sometimes the girl starts out as ugly, but then gets a makeover, and THEN the guy goes for her. the only movie I can think of where a good looking guy goes for a not-so-attractive girl is Hairspray. if you really think that most girls always go for assholes, then you need to get out more. maybe it is that way in high school, but in real life, the world isn't so black and white. and not all self proclaimed "nice guys" are that nice - and those same "nice" guys wouldn't give an overweight or ugly girl the time of the day. they just complain about not being able to get "hot" girls.
scorchster 0
you have a valid point. I'm just sayin, but movies are not realistic. a beautiful woman has the same low chance of dating a fat/ugly guy as a "nice guy" does with a fat/ugly girl. you are very right. I guess high school just blows, lol. and plus girls (AND GUYS!) probably develop more mature thinking later in life. and no, I am not self absorbed as implied by your response, I am just sure I am much more respectful to others and much more rational of a thinker then some guys I see girls choosing over me.
scorchster 0
basically, i am not as much of a douche as them. haha.
greatsarcazm 0
I laughed my ****** ass off!!!
krnmafia92 0
WIN
charliiekaye 0
what a weirdoo
epictrollathon 0
My boss has given me a massage before, during lunch. Best lunch ever. No HR needed. OP: Best not to think too hard on it. Enjoy the free benefits!
XCaLX_fml 0
lol52 i love ur pick too i forget wat i wad gunna say
tisiphone_fml 0
Creepy. I hate to stereotype, but I think its something of a cultural thing. Greek men seem tend to act much more forwardly towards women. But why did you even *let* him touch you?