Today, my boss made me some tortellini for lunch. As I was happily eating it, he started to give me a massage, while talking to his friends in Greek. He told me that he said "She's my #1 cashier." Turns out, what he really said was "See, if you feed them well, they let you touch them." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I saw a customer at the restaurant I work at lovingly petting his cheeseburger and whispering sweet promises to it. FML
Today, my attractive boss sat me down in the break room to say how much she appreciated how much work I've been doing despite being a temp. She was wearing a skirt, and I couldn't take my eyes off her legs. She then patted me on the leg and said "Good Talk". It wasn't my leg. FML
Today, while working at a pizza place with my girlfriend, I called my boss to tell him we were short on sausage. Under her breath I heard my girlfriend say, "sounds like somebody I know." FML
Today, my boss slapped me on the ass and said, "Good work, princess." FML
Today, on my first day of work, my new boss treated me to lunch. Thinking she was really nice, I thanked her for the treat. She fixed me with a cold, unsmiling stare and said, "Oh, don't thank me. I'm being paid to do this." FML
Today, while working as a cashier, I was ringing up an elderly woman's massaging shower head, when she said, "If I had a man like you, I wouldn't need this." She then gave me her number. FML
Today, I was called into my first day of work as a cashier. Not even 30 minutes into training, my boss had already "accidentally" touched my ass 7 times. FML
Today, my boss came over to my desk and struck up a casual conversation about movies. After a while, he sat on the edge of my desk, nodded toward my chest, and said in the same casual, lighthearted tone, "And nice cleavage today. Keep that up." FML
Today, yet again, my boss whined to me like a baby over being "friend-zoned" by his secretary. Not only does he basically stalk her and make her eat lunch with him every day, she's a lesbian in a committed relationship. He suspended me after I lost it and told him to see a fucking therapist. FML
Today, my boss told me he was going to start taking money out of my pay, because his wife makes us lunch. I work for my dad, and he wants to start charging me because my mom makes me a sandwich. FML
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Top comments
immafiremylaser 0
Why were you not put off by the initial fact that your boss was giving you a massage? And how did you find out? Did his friends tell you? Do you speak Greek, OP?
pandemic_fml 0
Well, OP, apparently he wasn't lying, since you let him do it. I would never let any of my bosses touch me like that. It's not like you can claim sexual harassment, considering it seemed like you enjoyed it until you realized he knew the true way into your little shell.
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Comments (163)
g3rusz 6
Your boss is a funny guy. OP, you are kind of a humorless person, I feel a bit sorry for you...
i_love_your_sox 0
i love you #36. that was beautiful. i love your socks as well.
i_love_your_sox 0
whooopsssss i meant 30. no offense 36. whoever you are.
your_face 15
You mean it feels better until one of you realizes you have an STD.
blastvortex 4
Haha. Your boss knows what's up. It's not like you couldn't have done something about it. BTW, tortellini is not capitalized. People don't capitalize non-proper nouns like pizza, manicotti, or ravioli, so I can't even understand why on Earth someone would do that.
alexisthename 0
I never stop loving the irony of "Your a dumbass" comments.
kikiface 1
haha #66, good to know i'm not alone
FlyPhoenix 0
that is just creepy...I would hate to be you.
Miss_SD 0
new to fml what does OP mean it's prob. something that I'm going to like ohhh duhh. but will sum1 explain. and video tape the boss next time then sue for harrassment, never work again!
kikiface 1
op = original poster. aka, the one who posted the fml.
judemeister 0
Your boss sounds like a pedo.