Today, my aunt had to smuggle me some regular toothpaste. Why? My mom isn't letting anyone in our house use anything but "Coral Paste." There are actually lumps of coral in it. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I caught my mother trying to switch my contraceptive pill for Tic Tacs. I don't know what's worse - how far she will go to have a grandchild, or that she thought I wouldn't notice that my birth control left me with minty fresh breath. FML
Today, I snuck into my aunt's house while she was working to raid her pantry, like I do most days. Excited for a snack cake, I went to the pantry. Apparently she'd found out, because there was a lock on it. FML
Today, my mother refused to talk to me because I wouldn't let her use my deodorant stick. FML
Today, I caught my mom using my toothbrush and washcloth again, despite her having both her own bathroom and supplies. I asked her to please not use mine, to which she called me an ungrateful bitch. My dad agreed. Yet they wonder why I've been desperately saving money to move out. FML
Today, my dentist told me I have a cavity and blamed it on the "subpar" toothpaste I've been using - the same toothpaste he recommended six months ago at my last appointment. FML
Today, my mom called me crazy and told me she wanted to put me in a mental hospital. She did this after repeatedly hitting me with a shoe. Why? Because I forgot to put the cap back on the toothpaste. FML
Today, my dad brought the double barrel shotgun to my room, gave me his hat and said, "It's all about survival now. At any cost, Coral." He keeps calling me Coral. FML
Today, I saw what my mom handed out for trick-or-treaters last night. Toothbrushes. Yup, we're that house. FML
Today, my girlfriend was visiting, and while in the bathroom, she clogged the toilet. Since there was no plunger in the room, she unclogged it with the only thing she could find: my mother's hairbrush. FML
Today, I stayed over at my grandparents' house. I woke up and had to brush my teeth. My grandma asked if I had found a toothbrush to use. I told her that I used my old purple toothbrush. She told me that was the toothbrush she used to brush her toenails. FML
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Top comments
bubble25_fml 5
don't know if I should trust u, your fml sounds a bit fishy...
Blue87 4
ewww
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Comments (239)
Superflykid 5
Try living with a mom who doesn't let you wear shoes while eating at the table :l
Shadow_Blues 10
Not to offend, but why would you need to wear shoes at the table...?
sasuchiha125 1
dude, i only wear shoes whenever i leave. theres no call for wearing them indoors... unless you want to mess up ur carpet...
eurekaroy 6
Sounds like an episode of spongebob!
tazor0495 4
Isn't that what Spongebob squarepants uses????
Theollie8 0
Nice way to kill the reefs.
Calyx_fml 22
Use toms sls free toothpaste. Then you can drink orange juice without it tasting like ass.
blahitschristina 0
Ewww :/
lokrar789 7
Hahaha i bet it smelled fishy
bizarre_ftw 22
Would that be illegal? Coral is quickly becoming endangered
TheSnakeDoctor20 17
It could be dead coral
bizarre_ftw 22
Uh.... Yeah I'm guessing it is, but "dead coral" takes hundreds of years to develop from the tiny skeletons of the polyps which are the living part and it creates the Gigantic reefs that support the living coral......
daisyloo 7
What is it then?
wispywee 0
reminds me of Spongebob
kayylovesu 0
Haha.