Today, my aunt had to smuggle me some regular toothpaste. Why? My mom isn't letting anyone in our house use anything but "Coral Paste." There are actually lumps of coral in it. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I caught my mother trying to switch my contraceptive pill for Tic Tacs. I don't know what's worse - how far she will go to have a grandchild, or that she thought I wouldn't notice that my birth control left me with minty fresh breath. FML
Today, I snuck into my aunt's house while she was working to raid her pantry, like I do most days. Excited for a snack cake, I went to the pantry. Apparently she'd found out, because there was a lock on it. FML
Today, my mother refused to talk to me because I wouldn't let her use my deodorant stick. FML
Today, I caught my mom using my toothbrush and washcloth again, despite her having both her own bathroom and supplies. I asked her to please not use mine, to which she called me an ungrateful bitch. My dad agreed. Yet they wonder why I've been desperately saving money to move out. FML
Today, my dentist told me I have a cavity and blamed it on the "subpar" toothpaste I've been using - the same toothpaste he recommended six months ago at my last appointment. FML
Today, my mom called me crazy and told me she wanted to put me in a mental hospital. She did this after repeatedly hitting me with a shoe. Why? Because I forgot to put the cap back on the toothpaste. FML
Today, my dad brought the double barrel shotgun to my room, gave me his hat and said, "It's all about survival now. At any cost, Coral." He keeps calling me Coral. FML
Today, I saw what my mom handed out for trick-or-treaters last night. Toothbrushes. Yup, we're that house. FML
Today, my girlfriend was visiting, and while in the bathroom, she clogged the toilet. Since there was no plunger in the room, she unclogged it with the only thing she could find: my mother's hairbrush. FML
Today, I stayed over at my grandparents' house. I woke up and had to brush my teeth. My grandma asked if I had found a toothbrush to use. I told her that I used my old purple toothbrush. She told me that was the toothbrush she used to brush her toenails. FML
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Top comments
bubble25_fml 5
don't know if I should trust u, your fml sounds a bit fishy...
Blue87 4
ewww
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Comments (239)
YayFlameWarz 9
Little known fact: That's how to Columbian drug cartel started, they just wanted their Oral-B D:
KnucklesDeep 5
Any chance you could grow a set and use regular toothpaste anyway?
kissingdeath 0
Spongebob! :)
Madiluvsyuh98 2
Whered you find it! My local supermarket ran out
Ketchup_Castle 30
At least it's not made of animal fat like the toothpaste I saw a family using on Wife Swap.
Termanator141 12
Eeew
NHLbound22 8
it's more or less the accumulation of fish bones that have calcified and is covered in bacterium
Lucidium 0
Hang on guys, stay back. This dude is into hockey AND he takes pictures of himself... Don't get too close.
Blu33star 3
What.. I just.. What...
rinoa_fml 10
You do know that regular toothpaste is full of diatoms, right?
maggiewalters 17
Exactly what i was going to say. Everyone uses stuff from the sea EVERYDAY in their mouths. Doh.
perdix 31
Wait until your mom finds out about pumice toilet paper -- you'll have to run away from home.