Today, my mom called me crazy and told me she wanted to put me in a mental hospital. She did this after repeatedly hitting me with a shoe. Why? Because I forgot to put the cap back on the toothpaste. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mom complained that I was being too loud, and she smacked my head really hard. All while screaming at me. FML
Today, my mother threw a fit because the psychologist she got me suggested I visit a psychiatrist. Apparently, it's my fault because I "choose" to be so "crazy". FML
Today, my mom read my diary. Then she frantically booked me an appointment with a psychiatrist. FML
Today, my crazy drug-addict mother kicked me out of the house after siding with my crazy, drug-addict aunt, who'd just threatened to slit my throat. FML
Today, my mother interrogated me about the duct tape, that I'd put on my foot for a wart, having fallen off. I tried to explain that my foot was just sweaty. She responded by arguing that the duct tape falling off was a "supernatural event". I really wish I could afford my own place. FML
Today, my little sister chased me around the house with a mallet, giggling like a maniac. I ended up having to pin her to the ground, rip the mallet out of her hand and lock her in the bathroom. This isn't the first time. My mom still insists it's perfectly normal. FML
Today, I was curious as to whether or not my mom was off of her medication. When I asked her, she pulled a knife on me. Looks like I got my answer. FML
Today, my mother took a bunch of sleeping pills, then went driving. I followed her and dialed 911. Now she thinks that I was "trying to get her arrested," and she refuses to talk to me ever again. FML
Today, I had to listen to my mother painstakingly spell out to me why broken glass is extremely dangerous. Feeling insulted, I jokingly asked her if she thought I was "retarded". I then got yelled at for "swearing." I'm a fucking adult, but my overprotective and condescending mother seems to think otherwise. FML
Today, my mother and I got into an argument, and she told me to go to my room. I refused, prompting her to slap the shit out of me. I'm 29, and she was visiting me at my own house. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
AnonymousTroll 2
It seems like *sunglasses* she wants to bust a cap.
J3R3MYY 14
Child services, how may I help you?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (126)
AnonymousTroll 2
It seems like *sunglasses* she wants to bust a cap.
D37H100 5
Haha that was pretty good #1 OP: seems like you're mom needs to go.,.
13FTW 9
HOW COULD OP FORGET THE CAP?!? Worlds over. Everybody's ******. Blame it on op. Thanks.
grmnxsensati0n 4
holf fukk bro or brahh what eva u r u just skrewed us all
kirsty1551 3
sounds like she needs to go to a mental hospital.
Savra_fml 17
22, what are you? You have a speach impediment?
sicnesses 6
YEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHH
TheWindowLicker 13
While OPs mom doesn't want to bust a cap, I commend you for a decent original pun xD. Also, 9, nice picture. I don't like WW...but hey that's just me..also it's your, so you know.
Naitsi 19
lol
13FTW 9
Any body else notice all Naitsi ever posts is "lol"??
labudamike 6
She must be polish
D37H100 5
35, yeah auto correct made it "you're" but idrc cause im not a grammar nazi. As for WW i like to jungle with him. But thats about it. I just like the skin.
MagicallyFat 12
Some people are weird about that. It's like squeezing the toothpaste from the middle of the thingy.
123Lalala098 10
xD nice #1 :P this brightened my day. OP: :P your mother might need help....
labudamike 6
Must of been polish
markrs 0
NEVER squeeze from the middle of the tube and don't you forget it! You can get more toothpaste out of it. Gives you a week more of toothpaste. And idk about you but I dislike buying new toothpaste. Could've used that few dollars on candy. Tsk. Tsk.
jkmcnns1005 6
YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!
MyScrewedUpLifeS 0
no cap OP? you crazy mothafucka.
hellogoodbye1996 6
I've been in a mental hospital I actually just got out two days ago..I liked it better than being at home..it's better than you think.
ohxdamnxkay02 12
you should bust a cap in her ass. (:
AnonymousTroll 2
How dare you copy my crappy one liners!
ragnorac 4
Yeah because killing your mother would defiantly keep you out of a mental hospital
thisisafunnyname 12
aSs. there, i busted a cap in your ass for copying 1's one liner
Googoo27 12
Put a cap on her.
RetardedChipmunk 7
Yeah that'll show her
Notimetobleed 14
Put a cap on her as in shoot her or actually drop a toothpaste cap on her hear? Please explain.
J3R3MYY 14
You need to explain what you just said??!!
Googoo27 12
U want me to explain it? Show her how the toothpaste feels when you put the cap on it. It wasnt supposed to make any sense
Googoo27 12
Remove this plz, damn shitty internet/iphone double posted
sydie5 12
Your life must never be boring.
every1luvspuns 0
anyone else think OP's mom is trolling hard?
ExToRtiOn 0
I can tell
skyguy89 0
Sounds like my mom but in stead of a shoe it was a slipper lol
sydie5 12
124, a slipper is a shoe...
nahgemsoohc 0
Isn't life full of irony?
mattorama 15
Your mom is the nuts one, and her mechanism to cope with it is "It's not ME that's crazy, it's everyone ELSE!" Psych 101. Projection.
EpicHobo 0
You just described my mom.
EpicHobo 0
You just described my mom.
SkardeyKat 3
Sounds exactly like my ex mother in law. The craziest conversation I've ever had with anyone was her following me around the house telling me she wasn't crazy, how she wasn't crazy, example after example, and that I was the crazy one. It just cemented the fact to me that she was in fact crazy!
stacianichole 2
Ask her if you guys can get a 2 for 1 deal.
J3R3MYY 14
Child services, how may I help you?
IvyRizzzzoli 25
she needs to be in a mental hospital.....
ninjuh_wingman 29
Yeah. You're the crazy one...
Mister_Triangle 21
But will OP ever make that mistake again? Probably not; thus, shoes solve the problem, once again! Thanks, shoes!
techweed 12
That sounds like my own mother...
babyzann 0
Did you n your mum change roles?
beccac_boresfoff 9
Your mom kinda has some issues...