Today, my aunt had to smuggle me some regular toothpaste. Why? My mom isn't letting anyone in our house use anything but "Coral Paste." There are actually lumps of coral in it. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I caught my mother trying to switch my contraceptive pill for Tic Tacs. I don't know what's worse - how far she will go to have a grandchild, or that she thought I wouldn't notice that my birth control left me with minty fresh breath. FML
Today, I snuck into my aunt's house while she was working to raid her pantry, like I do most days. Excited for a snack cake, I went to the pantry. Apparently she'd found out, because there was a lock on it. FML
Today, my mother refused to talk to me because I wouldn't let her use my deodorant stick. FML
Today, I caught my mom using my toothbrush and washcloth again, despite her having both her own bathroom and supplies. I asked her to please not use mine, to which she called me an ungrateful bitch. My dad agreed. Yet they wonder why I've been desperately saving money to move out. FML
Today, my dentist told me I have a cavity and blamed it on the "subpar" toothpaste I've been using - the same toothpaste he recommended six months ago at my last appointment. FML
Today, my mom called me crazy and told me she wanted to put me in a mental hospital. She did this after repeatedly hitting me with a shoe. Why? Because I forgot to put the cap back on the toothpaste. FML
Today, my dad brought the double barrel shotgun to my room, gave me his hat and said, "It's all about survival now. At any cost, Coral." He keeps calling me Coral. FML
Today, I saw what my mom handed out for trick-or-treaters last night. Toothbrushes. Yup, we're that house. FML
Today, my girlfriend was visiting, and while in the bathroom, she clogged the toilet. Since there was no plunger in the room, she unclogged it with the only thing she could find: my mother's hairbrush. FML
Today, I stayed over at my grandparents' house. I woke up and had to brush my teeth. My grandma asked if I had found a toothbrush to use. I told her that I used my old purple toothbrush. She told me that was the toothbrush she used to brush her toenails. FML
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Top comments
bubble25_fml 5
don't know if I should trust u, your fml sounds a bit fishy...
Blue87 4
ewww
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Comments (239)
purpledogs 0
why would your mom buy coral toothpaste wtf is wrong with your mom
tj4234 36
OP I think you should phone Greenpeace just to see what happens... it's not like they have anything better to do :L.
LardZilla 11
100- You're mainly right. Except for the buildup of fish bones part. Coral is limestone buildup created by the calcium excreted and left behind by the individual coral polyps as they grow and die. You can think of it as a type of skeletal structure for the soft polyps and harboring bacterium to safely shelter in.
NHLbound22 8
oh ok thanks man
Hi_I_am_Q 0
90- Go ********** to pregnant women douche bag.
8sq 13
Ew that sounds really gross. I'm sorry OP.
seaforshell 7
Finally, someone who knows what coral is. I don't recall it being a particularly obscure piece of knowledge that coral is animal, not plant...
redfinton22 9
10 @ yamatelle for quoting a previous FML
1911_Angel 0
As a person that works in dental I can tell you that you can not help your teeth by taking calcium or smearing on calcium after the teeth have developed. And harsh abrasives are not good for the tooth enamel. Brush after meals and floss daily.
blacksswan 10
Wtf? And you are gonna let your mom do that to you? At a time like this I'd snap at my mom. Put your foot down and quit complaining.