Today, I was at the mall with my girlfriend's family. Her 7 year old brother told me he was feeling sad, so I tried to give him a pat on the back, but it turns out he had a bruise there. He yelled out "don't touch me there!" In the middle of the mall. Now her parents think I'm a pedophile. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, at the mall my brother and I went to look at a vendor's items when my mom said not to touch anything. Thinking my brother was standing next to me, I saw him touching stuff so I smacked him in the arm and told him to stop. I turn to see that the old lady to my side was giving me a mean look. FML
Today, while shopping, I saw a little girl and her mom. The girl was pouting so I tried to cheer her up by asking her if she was a princess, because she was so pretty. She smiled but her mom looked at me with disgust and told me to, "Get lost, pedo." I'm a 17-year-old girl. FML
Today, I was at the mall and I saw a kid crying. I asked her "What's wrong sweetie, are you lost?" She ran away screaming "Help me!" I ended up having to explain to a dumb mall cop that I'm not a perv. FML
Today, I was at the grocery with my 4 year-old daughter. She needed me to tie one of her shoes so I bent down. When I was done, I tickled her under the armpit, and she screamed, "Don't touch me there!" Everyone in the store turned to stare. FML
Today, I was at the mall with my little brother. I saw him touching some expensive objects, so I slapped his arm. I noticed he wasn't my brother when he started crying and his real mom slapped me in the face. FML
Today, my daughter and I went to the mall. While we were looking for clothes, she walked away from me and touched a man on the arm and smiled and said "Hi!" The man freaked out and screamed at me for letting that "thing" in public and to "wear a condom next time." FML
Today, I took my son to the playground and watched him have fun. Minutes later, I was being shoved around and called a pedophile because I was there alone with no wife. By the time I convinced them I was innocent, my son was bawling. FML
Today, I was in a shopping centre when a little girl was running up and down the aisles. She started to fall over so I put my hand out to catch her. Her mother then ran up to me and screamed about me 'touching her child' so loud that everyone could hear. FML
Today, I was out grocery shopping when some pervert decided to slap my ass as they walked by. As I turned around to confront them, I saw that the culprit was a 7 or 8-year-old boy. I was so shocked, speechless and angry that I couldn't even decide how to handle the situation. FML
Today, I went to the mall. A little girl was walking around and telling everyone that they were pretty. When she got to me, she gave me a disgusted look and walked away. FML
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Top comments
shiie 0
This is exactly the reason the world is a sick place. Lay one finger on a kid, insta-pedostamp.
hypothetically 0
Haha .. that's excellent.. i love the world
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Comments (65)
hypothetically 0
Haha .. that's excellent.. i love the world
ouchthatsux 0
PEDOBEAR APPROVES!!
GiddyXD 0
yes
shiie 0
This is exactly the reason the world is a sick place. Lay one finger on a kid, insta-pedostamp.
just_for_lols 0
#2 and others the world is not ****** because people are blamed for being paedophiles because they 'lay one finger on a kid'. the world is ****** up because paedophiles exist. And to all the people who are telling you to beat the kid... he is just a kid and probably didn't even think of that. Seriously, calm down.
elliebutton 0
Should've just bought the kid an ice cream.
pop17123 19
That would be worse
amsilent 0
rofl
24788 7
Little kids do this all the time. Even if they don't have a bruise.
redbluegreen 41
Haha, in all honesty, I say that in public all the time when people go near me to like touch my arm or hug me, and I'm sure it makes everyone feel like they've just sexually assaulted me. If you were with your girlfriends family, I'm pretty sure they'll figure it out sooner or later you aren't actually trying to touch little children. Like that. This really sucks though.
alexgisforme3 0
just tell them that you were actually doing and you could probly clear things up then. but try going to a different mall next time looool.
Sanrio90 8
This is why the 'OMGPEDO!" hysteria is dangerous. Instead of actually going after the real pedos, we point fingers at crap like this.
dancing_bear 0
I agree with #2 and #7 - this is why all this shrieking frenzy about pedophilia has gotten so ridiculous. When you can't even lay one finger on a child you know to comfort them without being called a pedophile, that's pretty pathetic. Anyway, it was good of you to try and cheer him up. Hopefully you'll be able to explain what happened.
arienh4 0
You forgot the "...and then I explained what happened and it was okay." Unless you are an idiot that is.