Today, my 7-year-old son proudly announced that he had laid an egg during the night. I checked. He'd simply shat the bed. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my 14-year-old son showed me a "bird's egg" he was looking after in his room. It was a dried up dog turd. FML
Today, I was staying at a hotel and had a night terror. I woke up, yelled, "Fuck!" and realized I had shit the bed. I'd woken up my teenage daughter, who now knows I shit the bed in the middle night. FML
Today, my son pooped in his diaper and managed to somehow take it off without my knowledge. He then sat down on the carpet and imitated a dog with worms, all the way down the hallway, through the living room, and into my bedroom. FML
Today, my son learned how to use the toilet for the first time. He was so excited he started peeing on the floor. FML
Today, while I was in the shower, my 4 year-old son wondered what would happen if he put 6 eggs in the microwave. FML
Today, my son found a cockroach in his bed. I had to kill the thing and wash all his sheets and stuffed animals before he'd finally agree to go back to bed, three hours later. FML
Today, my one year-old took his diaper off and peed on my chest while I was sleeping. FML
Today, my 3-year-old fell asleep in our bed while cuddling me, and I let him stay since he was being so sweet. In the middle of the night, he took off his pants and pissed all over my head and back. FML
Today, my son took a nap quietly for the first time ever. As I went to wake him up, I realized why. A previously poop-filled diaper came flying at me when I opened the door. FML
Today, my 3-year-old came to me very excited because he had gone to the bathroom by himself for the first time. What he did not tell me was that he had shit on the floor, and when I went into the bathroom to check, I slipped on a turd and knocked myself out on the sink. FML
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Top comments
zingline89 18
He was just trying to make breakfast in bed.
truesarrif 33
hopefully it was more hardboiled than scrambled
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Comments (87)
sammyjanette 17
Does this make you mother goose?
randm_dude 9
Try to see it this way. In 40 years or so, he will clean your sheets.
ShyAnn29 15
He's only 7, don't ruin his excitement!
AussieChild 22
A seven year old should know better. I don't know any seven year olds who have ever done anything like that, or even still wet the bed.
SlapAndTickle 20
#52 However, us adults dream things all the time and think they are real. Example: Beating up your wife in your sleep because you're beating up robbers in your dream.
doodlecloud 27
Loads of seven year olds still wet the bed, it's just doesn't usually happen very often, unlike when you're properly little and being potty-trained. They should definitely know that people don't lay eggs though. Even if he dreamt that happening, he should've realised the reality when he woke up..
Speshelphreak 13
Maybe he thought he was the Easter Bunny and had laid a chocolate egg??
chosha_fml 27
So young and already using metaphors.
alchemist27 13
Well I guess you could say that's a *puts on sunglasses* shitty situation YEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHH
Ctrl_H 18
Oh please go die some place far away from the rest of us.
Kkkdawg 27
******* horrible.
chosha_fml 27
I guess eggs do come in white AND brown.
worldclassrager 41
Isn't the proper term browned the bed? Anyway...it happens...just more rare...as you can probably relate...
buttcramp 21
atleast he's confident with a great imagination :)
Perdition25 12
So much for 7 being the age of reason. My girlfriend's daughter is 7 and has close to no reasoning capabilities either. It is alright though, they will get there.