Today, my wife is giving birth to our first born. I am an officer stationed overseas. Apparently, I am not only missing the birth, but I also missed the conception. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
Great surprise
Today, I came home from an eight month deployment to find my wife four months into her pregnancy. She actually thinks that I believe it's mine. FML
Today, I found out I'm pregnant. My boyfriend and I have been dying to have kids together. This would be an exciting moment if he wasn't deploying in June and will miss everything except the morning sickness. FML
Today, I found out that I'm going to be a father. Too bad I can't tell my wife. FML
Congrats!
Today, I found out my husband is having a baby. Too bad I'm not pregnant. FML
News to me
Today, my colleague rushed off to the hospital for the birth of his first son. Having met his wife at the Christmas party a couple of years ago, I called to congratulate her. Shame I didn't realize it was his mistress having the baby. Guess who broke the news to the wife. FML
Today, I found out that my fiancé is going to be deployed on our wedding day. FML
911 what's your emergency?
Today, I gave birth to our first child at home. What was supposed to be a beautiful moment of us peacefully greeting our newborn, ended up with the cops knocking on our door. Apparently me giving birth sounds like a domestic dispute. FML
Today, I went and had my first ultrasound done. My husband said he had a meeting at work, and couldn't come. As I was leaving, I saw him at the doctor's office with another heavily pregnant woman. FML
Get out
Today, I gave birth to my firstborn child. Somehow, my mom and mother-in-law made their way to the delivery room, and walked in mid-push. While they were escorted out, I overheard my mother-in-law asking the nurse how her son, my husband, was holding up. FML
Family portrait
Today, I gave birth, but my husband was late and got here just in time to cut the cord. He was hung over after celebrating his impending fatherhood all night. He missed the cord twice, cut it, then fell over, and wound up in the bed next to mine, with a hydrating IV and a bashed head where he hit it on the baby's cot. FML
Top comments
JestrRulz 12
Thank you for your service. What a way to be rewarded. :( Kid isn't yours and apparently neither is the wife. D I V O R C E
s0ulslack 20
She should miss the divorce party then!
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Comments (195)
s0ulslack 20
She should miss the divorce party then!
unknown_user5566 27
I believe she should attend the divorce party, so OP's friends and family can slap the shit out of her. Having an affair is terrible in any circumstance, but having one while your husband is overseas? That's beyond ****** up.
Fml_FTW228 10
This is like the commercial from "Go on." Counselor: "You have 5 seconds to tell you're sob story to move onto the next round... Go!" Member: "... I came home and there was my wife with the newborn baby." Counselor: "So you missed the birth?" Member: "And the conception."
doctorhook86 25
OP's wife is a stone cold ****. Sorry dude.
AbstraktThoughts 13
I'm sorry op :( I hate it when i hear shit like this...you're out there risking your life for the safety of your family and your bitch ass wife is sleeping around. My condolences...thank you for your service to us and your country. When you get back, you can beat the shit out of that douche bag :)
longshot72 1
its women like OP's wife that make.me never want to be married.
iGrassYourSister 6
dump and destroy her OP in any possible way you can. No man who respects himself can allow this shit to go down without consequences. Be ruthless and find peace in your soon to be ex-wifes tears!!!
MDTeddy 13
A lot of guys seem to freak out when their wife gets pregnant. It is like they don't remember having sex.
unknown_user5566 27
152- Correction: a lot of men freak out when their wives are impregnated by OTHER men.
doctorhook86 25
88: Revenge is stupid.
whatsup215 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
In the words of Maury: "The results are in...You are NOT the Father"
KrazieKleo 13
In my own words: "GTFO." :)
whatsup215 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
K
whatsup215 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
I accept my failure I shall leave now.
mollysticks 10
Haha
HouseElf 13
I think OP made it pretty clear in his own words.
woainishamu 21
Naw really? *sarcasm*
LightningCactus 12
I actually hate hearing when this happens, he's serving his country and she's having an affair?
jake12221212121 4
Or should you say her first born?
rightspark 7
Yea no shit her first born not his
SousapCody 6
It would ruin the point of the FML if he stated otherwise.
JestrRulz 12
Thank you for your service. What a way to be rewarded. :( Kid isn't yours and apparently neither is the wife. D I V O R C E
nisse_fml 9
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Of course the whole thing is wrong but OP being a soldier/officer doesn't add anything. Maybe he should have thought about signing up to leave his wife for what sounds like more than nine months and what consequences that might have. Very few soldiers sign up for the reason of doing good, far more sign up for other reasons like, family tradition, can't afford education, skip jail or can't get a normal job. So it's not like they are heroes, it's a career path (and a messy at that)
SGTScottUSArmy 4
91- Screw you dude. You have no idea what we go thru. It's hard enough being in some shot hole nobody wants to be in but we also have to worry about home, where our spouses are supposed to be holding up the home front not screwing everybody in sight. I'm sure your jobs super important and your some kind of hero! Tell the families off my fallen brothers and sisters that their Soldier isn't a hero. Guaranteed its the last thing you'll do.
PeteyPablo12308 20
91- Put your head back up your ass where it belongs. You are a douche who has no idea what you are talking about. 101- your service is greatly appreciated and respected. Thank-you for your dedication to freedom.
BAND_HAMMER 0
Butt hurt
mandak1982 3
91- I'm sure glad that my brother and countless other soldiers risk their lives so dumb asses like you can say stupid shit that degrades them. Regardless of someone's reasons for joining the military, they are still heroes.
BeforeItWasCool 12
101- Respect to you and the others you served with, don't know how you do it brother. 91- You're talking out of your ass, shut it.
SpicyDuck 22
Wow 91, are you asking for a death sentence? say that to ANYONE in the military and expect to be killed on the spot. That was extremely disrespectful. You should really think before you speak.
Mr_Krabs 5
91- Not sure if trolling (futurama fry) Or just really stupid
gntfmlingnow 12
91 - Screw you, one of the hardest decisions I have to make is going to be whether or not I go into the service. And you entirely skipped a good reason to go in: To support a family, keep your wife in a home, all that. I might be going in just to take care of her, even though I entirely hate the idea of leaving her (and to answer the people going "the **** are you married at 16?" I'm not but we're considering it in a couple years)
PenguinSwag47 0
91 - Way to be a douchebag to all the men and women who fight and have fought for our freedom. You should be ashamed of yourself.
cBlackout 13
It's incredibly ****** up that a woman would do that while her husband is risking his life overseas for his country. But sadly this happens all too often, when women get lonely. Selfish *****.
asherm 15
Woah now! It goes both ways, believe me. I've been stationed on a boat with plenty of men who would have no qualms about cheating on their wives in port calls... Usually with hookers. It's sad and despicable either way. So sorry to OP though! Stay safe over there!!
cBlackout 13
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
17, but the difference is, now the man now has to raise someone else's kid.
Mekeritrig 15
No he doesn't. There's divorce.
xx000o 27
It takes two people to cheat, let the worthless asswipe father raise his own kid.
nisse_fml 9
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Nice to know that you're 100% sure OP is a hero risking his life for his country. What if he's a wife beating scum bag who can't get a job and signed up now his wife finally managed to get away from him? Signing up to kill on order doesn't automatically make you a hero.
SGTScottUSArmy 4
Your a piece of shit. Screw you.
Crazberry 5
Because men have never, ever cheated before. You're an asswipe #7, just like OP's wife.
raraisbang 12
#93, please shut the **** up. Not every soldier is a bad person. One of my best friends went over seas to defend his country and his slutbag girlfriend screwed half the town. He didn't do anything wrong, he called her everyday, and he came home to her knocked up by some one night stand from the bar. Before you go jumping to conclusions calling soldiers criminals and blaming them for their wives infidelity, get a little background info. Nobody wants to see you soldier bashing, especially not the brave young men who defend this country.
mermaidcentaurs 9
93- Shut up. You're making ignorant comments about the people risking their lives for YOU. When you actually get a clue about the world and what other people go through while overseas, come back and make your comments. Either way, your selfishness and ignorance is not needed here.
BAND_HAMMER 0
Lol they fought for his right to say shit he wants. Get back in the kitchen, *****. :p
challan 19
11- not all women are *****, c'mon now.
thewife5 19
More men cheat than woman.
aissie 2
93- Are you serious? Do you think people sign up to go to war to get screwed over by their own family, to get screwed over by the government, or to die? My husband and my father-in-law (and many others in his family) not only joined to do right by the US but to have a better way to take care of their families. What if he was a good man who job was going no where and the military offered him a way to change that? Offered him the chance to support his wife and eventually start a family? Or what if he was already in the military before they got married, could we say it was her fault then? Shouldn't she have known what she was marring into? Not to mention, many people who go over there to DO THEIR JOB come back with PTSD and its not fun for them. I know. I watch my husband struggle with it every day. I didn't cheat on him when he went, I supported him and stayed home to take care of everything around what was our home. My husband is a stronger man since returning home, even though he has PTSD and I'm grateful for the strong man I have because that means he will be a good father to our coming child. Pull your head out of your ass, your one story isn't the only story to be told. While there are screw ups in the military (they are everywhere, even outside the military - YOU!) there are good people there too. So, SHUT UP!
Cartera 10
93 - after all the ridicule you got on the other comment, you really think the people will take your shit? Get the **** out with your disrespectful garbage you worthless **** ass.
PenguinSwag47 0
93 - What the hell is wrong with you? You're trash.
MURIKKA 11
What?
FightMyLiger 19
Sorry op. On the bright side, at least you dont have any other kids with her. She isnt the mother you want for your kids.
Myo_fml 20
Get DNA tests done, prove they're not your kids, and move on before things get ugly.
love_isnt_enough 15
because of your picture, i read this like I was getting yelled at.
justjazzmyn 3
IF he was stationed over seas for over 9 months, he really isn't going to have to worry about a DNA test either..
ALpein 0
I dunno' man, ever see King of the Hill? Aliens probably gathered his DNA and impregnated his wife. For scientific purposes of course.
unknown_user5566 27
I think things got ugly as soon as OP's wife had an affair.
justjazzmyn 3
yeah, the affair is pretty terrible. but things could always get much uglier.
KrazieKleo 13
Damn. She should've told you before this man :(. I hope she's your ex-wife now.
xXxIracebethxXx 14
Should have told him? Told him what? "Honey, I realize you're out there risking your life and whatnot, but I think I should tell you that I had sex with this one man who impregnated me. Hope it's a boy. Cheers!" Yeah. Okay.
dissention 4
Yeah, telling the truth is usually the way to go. The sooner the better, regardless of feelings. If I were OP, I'd be more pissed that she waited to tell me.
emilyjgraham 34
I agree with 11, think, there's been nights when op has been thinking about his wife, missing her, possibly wishing for children of his own since he's been away whereas she has been playing happy families for the last 9+ months and now has a baby! What's to say ops wife hadn't told others they had broken up or he'd even died whilst out? I really hope you divorce her op and I really hope you don't get pulled in to paying for this kid!
huskerz20 4
Good way to support the troops