Today, my 14-year-old son showed me a "bird's egg" he was looking after in his room. It was a dried up dog turd. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my 7-year-old son proudly announced that he had laid an egg during the night. I checked. He'd simply shat the bed. FML
Today, my 1-year-old son walked up to me with a disgusted look on his face. I could tell he had something in his mouth so I pulled it out. He'd been sucking on a piece of cat poop. FML
Today, my toddler handed me a present and told me to keep it forever. It was a piece of dog poo. FML
Today, my 6 year-old brought me a card. On it was a turd belonging to my 4 year-old son. She got excited and grossed out, and threw it on the rug. FML
Today, my son pooped in his diaper and managed to somehow take it off without my knowledge. He then sat down on the carpet and imitated a dog with worms, all the way down the hallway, through the living room, and into my bedroom. FML
Today, I found a dead squirrel under my son's bed. Apparently, he has been keeping it there as a "pet" for the past week. FML
Today, my 14-year-old son asked his dog what she was chewing on. It wasn't until he picked it up said, "Is this what I think it is?" that I realized my son was gripping my vibrator. As I took it outside, mortified, he told his sister. FML
Today, after I warned my son repeatedly that if he wanted a rabbit he had to clean and feed it, I checked on it. It wasn’t just dead, it was dead and rotting in a pool of its own pee and faeces. I yelled at him, but he just shrugged and told me rabbits are boring and he forgot it was even there. FML
Today, my husband came running with his phone to “show me what our son did.” Was it a funny dance video? No. Was it a neat drawing? No. It was a turd. A foot long turd curled up in the toilet bowl. And it came out of our 5 year-old. He’s his daddy’s boy all right. Ew. FML
Today, I was outside searching for "treasures" with my son using small plastic shovels. All of a sudden he starts screaming. He dug up the bones of our old dog. I told him that we had sent him away to live on a farm, I even helped my son write letters to the farm owners. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
mpj13 8
How do you even get the two confused?
Werken247 14
Were you and your husband related before you got married? C'mon now tell the truth.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (112)
Joe_926 1
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
That's a shitty situation!!!
MizzKilljoy69 11
no, just stop
Werken247 14
Your comment is so striking and original! The FML community will thank you profusely for your insight and depth!
Jordath_Fil 11
Thank you...?
Cartera 10
*That's a dried shitty situation
mariesexxxface 13
When are people going to learn that 9 times out of 10, this type of comment is completely unnecessary.
howdeedoo 22
More like 10 out of 10
ProfessionalTrol_fml 14
"That is such a shitty situation!!!!!1" "Why isn't anyone laughing? ..."
Steve95401 49
That comment is so old that I fell off my dinosaur laughing the first time I heard it.
mistercrow 9
Y'all don't gotta be so dry! ;D.
SenselessPattern 12
75, even back then it wasn't funny.
LightningCactus 12
Thank for enlightening me, 48.
Eluveitie 9
First comment anxiety?
mpj13 8
How do you even get the two confused?
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
This kinda reminds me of the "you can't polish a turd" episode of Mythbusters.. But not really, maybe Op's kid is just a bit "special."
Catkam623 27
How do you polish a turd?
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
The Japanese art of Dorodungo.
infaith 5
it's because the "turd" had mold on it, dog crap tends o do that over a period of time. Sadly I know this due to the fact I have 3.. guess who has to clean the yard every other day..but even I wouldn't get it mixed up :/ and I'm 15.
infaith 5
when I meant I have 3.. I meant dogs btw xP
Quidikic 9
I am currently 14 (I know, quite the rebel being here underage), and there is not a single person in my grade stupid enough to confuse the two. I don't know if my area is more firmly developed than others, but other FMLs about 13-14 year olds just don't make sense to me about how immature and clueless some kids are.
doodlecloud 27
Unfortunately I think I've seen the turds OP means....that said, it's still only okay to get confused between the two up until like age 6. By 14, you'd think even if it looked exactly like an egg you'd know not to touch it just from the smell...
OhDearBetrayal 25
I think it's best not to tell him. Take the turd and throw it away, but tell him that the bird took the baby back. I don't think he'd like the idea of knowing he was holding shit in his hand.
rocketiquette 20
He's fourteen not four
xxmckenzierae 5
I thought #3 had a good point, but you're right ^^ :)
screenager5 35
I think if the kid is really stupid enough to mistake a piece of shit for a bird's egg, he needs to be told...
Brice28_fml 10
I'm assuming your son doesn't know the difference between an egg and a piece of crap. I guess now is a good time to learn, right?
U_GotitDude 18
This isn't something you'd expect from a 14 year old...
howdeedoo 22
Or even a six year old
ICastillo 25
I wonder what kind of bird is going to hatch from it...
TourettesGuyFTW 26
A Hoopoo bird.
Whaaaaaat734 6
27- No.
naya_bingi 11
A Dodo bird! Someone might want to let him know they're extinct...
fudgeimout 2
Or a doodoo bird.
witchdoctor1 9
A turd bird obviously! And now that I've said it ill see all the thumbs down
TylerBurden 21
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Wash your hands, tell him that these are no eggs. It was dried and i see no problem in that as long as he didn't eat them. He is just a stupid 14 years old. It will get better.
cgchamp89 7
I see a very big problem here. At 14, I knew the difference between a turd and an egg... I hope you don't have children. Your high expectations for them amaze me.
Riliana_fml 7
So because I'm 14, I automatically an idiot? I'm pretty sure OP's kid is "special."
screenager5 35
81, I don't think that's what they were saying...
Eluveitie 9
81, I think my irony meter just exploded.
MidnaLink 35
81 if OP's son were "Special", then why should this be on here.
Werken247 14
Were you and your husband related before you got married? C'mon now tell the truth.
billyz77 24
^^ At least second cousins. Maybe closer. He'll probably be growing a third arm soon.
tacojauns 45
I can see how those could be easily confused
wagne057 6
Momma turd's gonna be mad.
pvtmeives 4
It may not be a bird egg but I could be a shit seed
billyz77 24
^^ You can? I don't think I've ever heard anyone admit it.