Today, my 7-year-old son proudly announced that he had laid an egg during the night. I checked. He'd simply shat the bed. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my 14-year-old son showed me a "bird's egg" he was looking after in his room. It was a dried up dog turd. FML
Today, I was staying at a hotel and had a night terror. I woke up, yelled, "Fuck!" and realized I had shit the bed. I'd woken up my teenage daughter, who now knows I shit the bed in the middle night. FML
Today, my son pooped in his diaper and managed to somehow take it off without my knowledge. He then sat down on the carpet and imitated a dog with worms, all the way down the hallway, through the living room, and into my bedroom. FML
Today, my son learned how to use the toilet for the first time. He was so excited he started peeing on the floor. FML
Today, while I was in the shower, my 4 year-old son wondered what would happen if he put 6 eggs in the microwave. FML
Today, my son found a cockroach in his bed. I had to kill the thing and wash all his sheets and stuffed animals before he'd finally agree to go back to bed, three hours later. FML
Today, my one year-old took his diaper off and peed on my chest while I was sleeping. FML
Today, my 3-year-old fell asleep in our bed while cuddling me, and I let him stay since he was being so sweet. In the middle of the night, he took off his pants and pissed all over my head and back. FML
Today, my son took a nap quietly for the first time ever. As I went to wake him up, I realized why. A previously poop-filled diaper came flying at me when I opened the door. FML
Today, my 3-year-old came to me very excited because he had gone to the bathroom by himself for the first time. What he did not tell me was that he had shit on the floor, and when I went into the bathroom to check, I slipped on a turd and knocked myself out on the sink. FML
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Top comments
zingline89 18
He was just trying to make breakfast in bed.
truesarrif 33
hopefully it was more hardboiled than scrambled
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Comments (87)
Pwn17 25
Maybe some coffee as well.
Sinistra_Blue 12
"Milk, milk, lemonade, round the corner fudge is made." >.>
kurodansei 16
Well in time he will learn to use the proper nest.
HeartOfLead 24
Man, if he thinks those are eggs, than Easter must confuse the shit out of him.
Soninuva 41
Does that mean that your son is a shitty father?
CrissyyyS2 22
Did he check the egg to see if a baby chick was in there?
TheHeavyOne 15
I'd say he was dreaming & thought that was his reality… or maybe he needs a special school.
ManInTheMachine 20
He probably meant one of those chocolate eggs you get on Easter. I wouldn't taste test it, though. ;) But I would be proud too if I made a perfectly egg-shape shit. Proudest dump of my life.
hntandjlt 8
He was most likely dreaming or something but sorry to hear about the mess
UNLUCKYyY1037 26
Your son is a prodigy