Today, my 6 year old son learned that if you give a mouse a cookie, he will ask for a glass of milk. But if you give a hamster a cookie, he will try to shove the whole thing in his mouth, choke, and die. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my 8-year-old son microwaved his pet hamster. FML
Today, I had mice in the house and had to kill them with mousetraps. I pulled a trap out with a dead mouse and my four year-old son saw. Mice are his favorite animals, and now he won’t speak to me. FML
Today, my cat died in the process of eating, and choking on, my hamster. FML
Today, I listened to my mom having a conversation with my dog, asking him if he ate my hamster. My hamster isn't even dead. FML
Today, my hamster gave birth. The babies were very cute and I couldn't resist petting one. Apparently touching a baby hamster will cause it's mother to reject and devour it. I am now know in my family as "The Hamster Slaughterer." FML
Today, I showed my family my new pet hamster. At the sight of him, my grandmother, who I had no idea hated rodents, let out a loud screech, causing my usually docile hamster to bite me and piss in my cupped hand. FML
Today, my daughter brought home her class hamster for the weekend. It escaped and we spent hours searching for it. We later found it in the fridge, eating our leftover pizza. I never knew hamsters had such a refined palate. FML
Today, water turned to wine. That is, my brother put wine in my hamster's water bottle. Very bad idea. FML
Today, I learnt that if you accidentally sit on a hamster, instead of dying, it bites your testicles. FML
Today, I came home to find a mouse in the garage. Frantic, I killed it. My 7-year-old son came home from soccer, and started crying because he couldn't find the class pet, Mr. Whiskers. I killed my son's class pet. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Witchcraft_fml 5
At least he died with the sugary goodness of a cookie in his mouth.
Mihir 1
Oh that sucks hard...sorry for your creature
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (172)
Yatta_fml 0
Also I don't know anyone younger than myself so never have fine across the book later in life.
iFruit 0
*snort* Duuurrr uhhh i dun get it *snort* durrrr uhmm... No, I actually don't get it. Explain?
moose91894 0
or fiction.
somecreepygirl 0
Haha F ur
Starsmydog 0
this is your fault, do you not watch your kid with his pet, he is to young to take that kind of responsibility. congrats animal killer p.s your a horrible mother
jamila123 5
Omg, as sad as this is, I couldn't help but laugh!
morgan020 0
haha I actually came across this book the other day and read it to my son he loved it and now brings it to me everyday and we read it before nap time. he loves it. it had to be one of my favorites growing up too. I love the way you wrote your fml but I'm sorry about your sons hamster.
eyFuckmylife 0
poor Fluffy.
Ninjaface 0
I bet about half the people reading this are secretly jealous of that hamster. I mean, one of my top five ways to go is with a giant cookie in my mouth.
waddlezizmyname 3
Damn good point.
lolsan 0
Aww, I loved that book when I was a kid.