Today, my 6 year old son learned that if you give a mouse a cookie, he will ask for a glass of milk. But if you give a hamster a cookie, he will try to shove the whole thing in his mouth, choke, and die. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my 8-year-old son microwaved his pet hamster. FML
Today, I had mice in the house and had to kill them with mousetraps. I pulled a trap out with a dead mouse and my four year-old son saw. Mice are his favorite animals, and now he won’t speak to me. FML
Today, my cat died in the process of eating, and choking on, my hamster. FML
Today, I listened to my mom having a conversation with my dog, asking him if he ate my hamster. My hamster isn't even dead. FML
Today, my hamster gave birth. The babies were very cute and I couldn't resist petting one. Apparently touching a baby hamster will cause it's mother to reject and devour it. I am now know in my family as "The Hamster Slaughterer." FML
Today, I showed my family my new pet hamster. At the sight of him, my grandmother, who I had no idea hated rodents, let out a loud screech, causing my usually docile hamster to bite me and piss in my cupped hand. FML
Today, my daughter brought home her class hamster for the weekend. It escaped and we spent hours searching for it. We later found it in the fridge, eating our leftover pizza. I never knew hamsters had such a refined palate. FML
Today, water turned to wine. That is, my brother put wine in my hamster's water bottle. Very bad idea. FML
Today, I learnt that if you accidentally sit on a hamster, instead of dying, it bites your testicles. FML
Today, I came home to find a mouse in the garage. Frantic, I killed it. My 7-year-old son came home from soccer, and started crying because he couldn't find the class pet, Mr. Whiskers. I killed my son's class pet. FML
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Top comments
Witchcraft_fml 5
At least he died with the sugary goodness of a cookie in his mouth.
Mihir 1
Oh that sucks hard...sorry for your creature
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Comments (172)
Hazy_fml 0
DON'T GIVE THE MOUSE A COOKIE! Have you never seen Robot Chicken!? WE WILL ALL DIE.
posampo 0
ha! I was just about to ask why no-one had referenced robot chicken at this point, a sketch that ends with "and thats why I had to kill daddy" should always be mentioned
xxchilloutxx 0
Whit? I already commented this and it disappeared :(
Witchcraft_fml 5
So did I. D}-:< Mustache-Man disapproves of the disappearing comments as well.
Arinwyn 0
I love those books. :D
jessxoxo28 5
awww, poor hamster :( that darn cookie
Ajjas013 6
Guys, hamster. Not hampster.
wolfy_fml 5
lol Totally. It always peeves me a little when people spell it 'hampster' ... it isn't even pronounced with a P in there.
Ajjas013 6
Sorry, posted this comment twice on accident.
Brooklynxman 0
I....wtf? Give a mouse a cookie?
LemonFairy 0
It's a children's book. "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie" by Laura Joffe Numeroff. It was the original in a line of like... fifty gabillion of them. :P ("If You Give a Pig a Pancake", "If You Give a Moose a Muffin", "If You Take a Mouse to School" and more recently "If You Give a Cat a Cupcake".)
shamille 5
haha that's funny. nookie. anyway. totally adding this to my favorites.
clockworkrainbow 3
Oh, how sad. D: I've always been fond of rodents. I feed my rat peanuts, peanut butter(as a treat), and bird foods... Wouldn't think it's wise to feed her anything else. Childrens books can be so misleading! Sucks for the hamster and your son. Bummer.
Ajjas013 6
I think you need to teach your son the difference between a mouse and a hamster.
Ajjas013 6
It freaks me out how you know that...
dramatay 0
This is the funniest one yet. I mean it's horrible that the poor hamster died, but it really made me laugh. Of course I first read it on my phone and all I was able to read was "Today my 6 year old son learned if you give a mouse a cookie, it will die." which I found funnier that the acutal FML but still funny.
JustAReaderOfFml 4
I find this comment funnier than the actual FML. HAHA terrific.