Today, my 6 year old son learned that if you give a mouse a cookie, he will ask for a glass of milk. But if you give a hamster a cookie, he will try to shove the whole thing in his mouth, choke, and die. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my 8-year-old son microwaved his pet hamster. FML
Today, I had mice in the house and had to kill them with mousetraps. I pulled a trap out with a dead mouse and my four year-old son saw. Mice are his favorite animals, and now he won’t speak to me. FML
Today, my cat died in the process of eating, and choking on, my hamster. FML
Today, I listened to my mom having a conversation with my dog, asking him if he ate my hamster. My hamster isn't even dead. FML
Today, my hamster gave birth. The babies were very cute and I couldn't resist petting one. Apparently touching a baby hamster will cause it's mother to reject and devour it. I am now know in my family as "The Hamster Slaughterer." FML
Today, I showed my family my new pet hamster. At the sight of him, my grandmother, who I had no idea hated rodents, let out a loud screech, causing my usually docile hamster to bite me and piss in my cupped hand. FML
Today, my daughter brought home her class hamster for the weekend. It escaped and we spent hours searching for it. We later found it in the fridge, eating our leftover pizza. I never knew hamsters had such a refined palate. FML
Today, water turned to wine. That is, my brother put wine in my hamster's water bottle. Very bad idea. FML
Today, I learnt that if you accidentally sit on a hamster, instead of dying, it bites your testicles. FML
Today, I came home to find a mouse in the garage. Frantic, I killed it. My 7-year-old son came home from soccer, and started crying because he couldn't find the class pet, Mr. Whiskers. I killed my son's class pet. FML
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Top comments
Witchcraft_fml 5
At least he died with the sugary goodness of a cookie in his mouth.
Mihir 1
Oh that sucks hard...sorry for your creature
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Comments (172)
epicwinmaster 0
the real fml here is the people that dont know what "if you give a mouse a cookie" is. seriously, you didnt read kids books when you were young?
EMR_fml 0
I personally had to google "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie". No one over the age of 30 without kids is going to have heard of it. Except as Mercy said they are a librarian.
blinksmilewink 23
Yes I did, but I never came across this.
kira1kira 0
I used to love those books
offbymyself 0
Actually, it sounds like F your son's life. Not yours.
Towelie_31 0
So let me get this straight... you have a mouse who asks for milk, and a dead hamster? I'm thinking forget the hamster, and make some money off that talking mouse!
USArocker 2
The mouse asking for milk- It's a children's book.
allmidnighteyes 11
omnomno-*chokeee* x_x
Aj_teh_cool 0
y just the poster's son?
scateice 0
OMG HOLY SHIT ]:O HAMSTER.... At least your didn't die the way mine did ]:[ My sister brought her friend over and her friends psycho dog started chasing my hamster across the whole room and bit it leaving a big bloody gash, then it spazzed out and died.
eharmonee 0
Awwh that's an awful way to go lol
Towelie_31 0
So let me get this straight... you have a mouse who asks for milk, and a dead hamster? I'm thinking forget the hamster, and make some money off that talking mouse!
Person1233 13
I love how this FML used a children's book as a reference to explain how their life is F'd.
Towelie_31 0
So let me get this straight... you have a mouse who asks for milk, and a dead hamster? I'm thinking forget the hamster, and make some money off that talking mouse!
calikola 0
Wasn't funny the first time you posted it. Or the 4th or 5th time.
bballboy91 0
Actually, I kinda chuckled the first time....