Today, while I was walking home from work, it started to rain. Clutching my bag in one hand, I started to run so I wouldn't get too wet. I saw a man running towards me and all of a sudden he tackled me to the ground. He thought I had stolen someone's handbag. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was walking through a rough part of town, when a woman screamed that I'd stolen her bag. I was tackled to the ground by a large guy, who then gave my bag to her. FML
Today, as I exited McDonald's after a quick lunch, a man in a jogging outfit ran past, snatching my handbag right off my shoulder as he tore past. He must have been at least 50. I broke down utterly exhausted before I could chase him even a single block. I'm 24. FML
Today, I was walking down the street when a man stole my purse. He then opened the purse, threw up in it, and gave it back. FML
Today, I felt a tug on my backpack and found my wallet missing. A nice stranger pointed to a guy running down the stairs and said "There goes the guy who took your wallet!" I ran to catch the supposed offender. The 'nice' stranger was the actual offender distracting me as he got away. FML
Today, at my college, someone snatched my laptop out of my hands, so I chased him. Turns out I'm so overweight and slow that he moonwalked away facing me, while I sprinted my heart out. FML
Today, I got mugged. As the guys who took my purse were about to walk away, my cellphone rang in my pocket. FML
Today, I was trying on some clothes in the store's changing room, when someone reached under the door and grabbed my purse, shoes, and pants. FML
Today, someone tried to mug me. I panicked and ran. As they chased me with their knife out, I heard a slip and a shout behind me but kept running. Six blocks later I was spotted, arrested, and held for questioning by the police. The mugger fell, stabbed themselves, and told a cop that I did it. FML
Today, my girlfriend asked me to hold her purse while shopping. All of a sudden, a robber punched me in the face and took her purse. She started crying about her purse and told me to get off the ground because I was embarrassing her. FML
Today, I shouted, "Fuck off!" out of reflex when I felt someone behind me grab my bag and pull it off my shoulder. It turned out to be an elderly man with a walking stick, who was trying to steady himself in a busy crowd. FML
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Top comments
DocBastard 40
That's exactly how I met my wife. Tackling chicks still works like it did during caveman times. Guaranteed.
ownitx3 0
some of us don't like to come home dripping wet, excuse her for having common sense.
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Comments (102)
lifes_a_b1tch 7
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
it's not like you were going to melt.
ownitx3 0
some of us don't like to come home dripping wet, excuse her for having common sense.
anythingcool 0
sounds like the start of a mills and boon......or not! How would i know, i never read them, hehe ;P
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
Kick him in the sack, and cut the purse-uit short by any means necessary. Or just show him that it is your bag, as I'm sure you have some form of picture ID in there. (: He'll be showered with guilt when he realizes his mistake, and may redeem himself with a storm of apologies. (:
UpsidedownKayak 9
#14 - win.
123zc1 3
Oh no, you made a logical comment!
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
#8, that's what she said!
untoward 0
How is it "common sense" not to come home dripping wet? I don't think that's the proper use of the phrase.
maryjaneslover7 0
who the **** tackles someone for a purse when I can steal a car in daylight an no one give a **** or mug someone and nobody shows people still have hearts even if they have bad timing
insomniax 0
Not to be a nerd, but you actually get more wet when you run instead of walk. I think it was on manswers or something.
nightDREAMERms 6
That saying only has foundation when the rain is not progressively getting worse.
TheOptimist 0
It was a test the ran on mythbusters I believe, and no 69, you get more wet from walking, not running.
endlersaurus 0
They tested it on Mythbusters, yes, but they concluded you get more wet from running because your body slopes to an angle instead of being completely upright like when walking, thereby exposing more surface area directly to the rain.
PieInTheSky24 0
Surely you'd get wet more wet when you're walking though as you're spending more time in the rain? To be fair, how often does rain fall straight down? It's usually affected by wind so it comes down at an angle and will most likely get you wetter. Unless you are moving in parallel to the angle that the rain is coming down at :P.
evilcartman 0
wow what a hero
cowycal 4
John Myung tackle!
jessiebelle90 0
and????
jessiebelle90 0
and???
jessiebelle90 0
why'd my comment get moderated?
ScarletteEve 33
It's duplicated.
ownitx3 0
next time, don't bring your bag on a walk home. & for future reference, don't wear shoes either; someone might think you stole them.
metallakes 0
or any clothes for that matter, you never know what people are gonna think
cowboyy_fml 0
oh wow what a jerk I would have told him off
timskiii 0
No Ke$ha... you would have passed out then you'd wake up in the mornin' feeling like P Diddy. get it right...
TibbysMusic 1
Lawl ^^ :)
LightningLadyy 0
Can't argue with the truth :)
emodude44 0
I thought she would just ***** herself out to him?
DocBastard 40
That's exactly how I met my wife. Tackling chicks still works like it did during caveman times. Guaranteed.
Fiend_fml 0
They usually like when you grab them by the hair and club them like a baby seal also. Seriously OP, that sucks though. Should've expected it though, happens all the time.
All_For_Love 0
Might as well have just hit them over the head with a club and dragged them to your cave.
tencentsakiss 19
Doc is right. In fact, I am so turned on right now by these comments. We love getting clubbed in the head.
RedPillSucks 33
I've got a clubbed foot, does that count?
bunnixbrutality 5
you have to be one of my favorit fml posters on here haha
MyLifeSucks614 0
oh wow thats nice lol
KaanTech 0
my favorite commeter go docbastard no1 can stop you !!!
timskiii 0
This would've made an amazing youtube video :D
Nio_Nusol 0
So true, lol.
pennies_lane 6
are you a guy? coz i have a mental image of a sissy boy prancing through the rain, holding on to his fake LV, and then getting crash tackled by a big macho type.....gives me a giggle :)
haitilover 0
your stupid!
w2z1 0
The correct spelling would be "you're". it even says it on your shirt come on now...
DocBastard 40
LMAO! Good catch. I must of missed that. I have no idea how people still make these grammer mistakes like this! There so easy. Just read you're elementary school books, people! It really isn't to hard. Holy ******* shit, that hurt me to do. I hate myself so much right now. I'm going to jump into a pile of broken glass and douse myself with lemon juice.
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
Wear did you go too school, Dock? I've never scene anything sow amazon!
GotALife 11
#18 # 23 #27 leave the girl alone, she expressing how she feels.
DocBastard 40
So are we. Why should she get to express her opinions about OP's stupidity while we aren't allowed to express ours about hers? **** off.
GotALife 11
#32 whoa just calm it...dont make FML come here
Ninjafriends 1
The irony of that comment was so powerful it created cold fusion.
GotALife 11
#37 Just chill the **** out man. Your cold fusion heart is turning real dry man
Fiend_fml 0
They're* Lol, I had to nitpick that one. Excuse me while I go read my dictionary and thesaurus.
DocBastard 40
Argh. The comments on several of my retorts have mysteriously disappeared like Amelia Earhart. Please disregard my venom above, as it was intended for some foolish little girl who apparently doesn't exist except in my confused mind.
ohthebloodygore 16
Doc, go see a counsellor.
DocBastard 40
I did, Gore. Turns out she was imaginary too.
nightDREAMERms 6
Lol, you didn't read the entire comment, did you?
felixshen 18
haha and "your" a dumbass. dont be so critical.