Today, knowing that the girl I broke up with last night goes crazy after breakups, I threw away my hair products, thinking she switched them with Nair. She didn't... but she did use the key I keep under a flowerpot to take all of my clothes and burn them on my lawn while I was at work. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, after two months of being broken up, and my ex still insisting she hadn't been cheating on me, I declared via text my intention to burn the rest of her stuff in the yard. This resulted in the guy she "hadn't been cheating on me with" kicking in my door. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me and threw all my stuff out into the yard because she caught me "texting another woman". Guess it didn't matter to her that the contact name was "Mom". FML
Today, while heading to the bathroom, I saw my girlfriend putting some lingerie under my bed. I stupidly thought it was for some sexy time later. Well, later on, she dramatically "found" the lingerie and broke up with me. Almost everyone believes her story and thinks I'm a dirty cheater. FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me and set all my stuff on fire. Why? Because she found my Tinder account. I haven’t even used it since I met her. FML
Today, my girlfriend did the whole "break up with your boyfriend and kick him out of the house" thing from the movies. Except it's my house. She kept my stuff. FML
Today, my girlfriend decided to break up with me because she found a bra in my cupboard. It was hers. FML
Today, I went through the stuff that I'd left at my ex’s place and started unpacking it. I found a pair of another girl's panties. We broke up a little over a week ago. FML
Today, I got home and found all my things thrown out into the yard, including the stuff from my mancave, which I spent thousands of dollars on. Apparently, my girlfriend stopped for a visit while my wife was home. I’d stupidly given her a key. Turns out my wife called out sick today. FML
Today, I was sleeping in after working a graveyard shift. I awoke to my girlfriend sneaking her stuff out of the house. She planned on leaving her key on my pillow and taking off without any notice whatsoever. FML
Today, as soon as I got home, my girlfriend was waiting for me at the door. She told me she was breaking up with me. The reason? She found a girl's shirt in my closet and that she didn't need a cheating boyfriend. That shirt was mine. FML
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Top comments
WTFKuro 0
If you're going to keep a key under a flowerpot, you might as well keep your door unlocked. If a burglar wants to get into your house, the first thing he's going to do is check under flowerpots for keys.
ireply_w_lyrics 0
"...Well I started throwin' things and I scared folks half to death I got up in his face and smelled whiskey on his breath Didn't give a second thought to being thrown in jail Cause baby to hammer everything looks like a nail And I was mad as hell Well those pretty girls their all the same But their damn well gonna know my name I'm a crazy Ex-Girlfriend I'm a crazy Ex-Girlfriend I'm a crazy Ex-Girlfriend..." Anyone want to say this doesn't relate to the FML?
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Comments (156)
iBeJess 0
Wow...that...sucks...BURN HER CLOTHES :D
pattysays 0
crazy bitch. BTW, what does OP stand for?
ireply_w_lyrics 0
"...You're crazy bitch But you **** so good, I'm on top of it When I dream, I'm doing you all night Scratches all down my back to keep me right on..." and O...P r....o i.....s g....t i.....e n.....r a l
sublime93 0
Took me a while to get what you did there, kept reading it left to right lol
Ray_of_midnight 23
Yes, I agree, "YLS"...but let this be a valuable life lesson to you, don't date teh crazy. I'd be discussing legal options with the police and/or a lawyer, as far as having her arrested for any possible criminal acts she may have committed and trying to recover the cost of replacing your stuff.
airplanefood 0
Well at least she's (hopefully) out of your hair now.
DameGreyWulf 1
HAH! Out of his hair....
LTC_fml 0
Burn her house down.
graveworm 0
have her arrested idiot
JarJarBinks_fml 0
And just for the record, death metal sucks. It's not something humans listen to. But I guess death metalheads might respond with "I'm not human" because of how hardcore they think they are
TC1_fml 0
Don't bother talking 'bout stuff you don't know shit about.
Nightfallz 0
ydi. you know she goes crazy when you break up with her and what do you do? break up with her. you brought it on yourself.
LewJH 0
You thought of throwing away your hair products, but not moving a spare key under a flowerpot, which is quite a blatant place to put one and if you were dating here, she probably would've know about it. YDI.
Sparkey 0
I like to second this. YKDI for leaving a key.
Victoria_fml 0
Call your lawyer, altough maybe it's kinda your fault for leaving the key in such an obvious place (or leaving it, if you had told her it was there).