Today, knowing that the girl I broke up with last night goes crazy after breakups, I threw away my hair products, thinking she switched them with Nair. She didn't... but she did use the key I keep under a flowerpot to take all of my clothes and burn them on my lawn while I was at work. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after two months of being broken up, and my ex still insisting she hadn't been cheating on me, I declared via text my intention to burn the rest of her stuff in the yard. This resulted in the guy she "hadn't been cheating on me with" kicking in my door. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me and threw all my stuff out into the yard because she caught me "texting another woman". Guess it didn't matter to her that the contact name was "Mom". FML
Today, while heading to the bathroom, I saw my girlfriend putting some lingerie under my bed. I stupidly thought it was for some sexy time later. Well, later on, she dramatically "found" the lingerie and broke up with me. Almost everyone believes her story and thinks I'm a dirty cheater. FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me and set all my stuff on fire. Why? Because she found my Tinder account. I haven’t even used it since I met her. FML
Today, my girlfriend did the whole "break up with your boyfriend and kick him out of the house" thing from the movies. Except it's my house. She kept my stuff. FML
Today, my girlfriend decided to break up with me because she found a bra in my cupboard. It was hers. FML
Today, I went through the stuff that I'd left at my ex’s place and started unpacking it. I found a pair of another girl's panties. We broke up a little over a week ago. FML
Today, I got home and found all my things thrown out into the yard, including the stuff from my mancave, which I spent thousands of dollars on. Apparently, my girlfriend stopped for a visit while my wife was home. I’d stupidly given her a key. Turns out my wife called out sick today. FML
Today, I was sleeping in after working a graveyard shift. I awoke to my girlfriend sneaking her stuff out of the house. She planned on leaving her key on my pillow and taking off without any notice whatsoever. FML
Today, as soon as I got home, my girlfriend was waiting for me at the door. She told me she was breaking up with me. The reason? She found a girl's shirt in my closet and that she didn't need a cheating boyfriend. That shirt was mine. FML
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Top comments
WTFKuro 0
If you're going to keep a key under a flowerpot, you might as well keep your door unlocked. If a burglar wants to get into your house, the first thing he's going to do is check under flowerpots for keys.
ireply_w_lyrics 0
"...Well I started throwin' things and I scared folks half to death I got up in his face and smelled whiskey on his breath Didn't give a second thought to being thrown in jail Cause baby to hammer everything looks like a nail And I was mad as hell Well those pretty girls their all the same But their damn well gonna know my name I'm a crazy Ex-Girlfriend I'm a crazy Ex-Girlfriend I'm a crazy Ex-Girlfriend..." Anyone want to say this doesn't relate to the FML?
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Comments (156)
Matzaball300 0
sue her for everything the little bitch is worth
Lonely_Lez 0
I kind of have to bring up another possibility here. There's no gender listed for OP in the FML. Isn't it possible that it's a female?
Lonely_Lez 0
So... I know this is unlikely, but there's people ragging on OP for having "hair products" and such, because you know guys aren't supposed to use them in their weird messed up world. But... I've had another thought. There's no gender listed with this FML, therefore it's possible it was written by a girl. Just a thought. We don't know one way or the other, and we can't unless OP comments themselves (rare but it happens).
HarrietPotter 1
Wow. She sounds like a psycho.
morgan020 0
maybe you should have done something to make her break up with you instead.
blueem2 0
That didn't make any sense. And YDI for (if you're a guy) using hair products cuz that's gay or (if you're a woman) for being alive.
strawberryspacejam 11
Find that bitch and kill her! Or, plant a bomb in her car.
wordgirl 0
Fella, here's a tip: If a girl is understood to be crazy enough to try to make you lose all your hair by sabotaging your hair products with caustic chemicals, don't let her have access to your actual house by keeping a key under a flowerpot. Did you remember the hair products and forget the key? It's awful, what she did, but, man, you deserve it, for being so lax about your own personal security.
strawberryspacejam 11
Guys cn use hair products too. It's called shampoo you greasy hobo.
shootingstar8D 0
Why did u date that crazy bitch