Today, knowing that the girl I broke up with last night goes crazy after breakups, I threw away my hair products, thinking she switched them with Nair. She didn't... but she did use the key I keep under a flowerpot to take all of my clothes and burn them on my lawn while I was at work. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after two months of being broken up, and my ex still insisting she hadn't been cheating on me, I declared via text my intention to burn the rest of her stuff in the yard. This resulted in the guy she "hadn't been cheating on me with" kicking in my door. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me and threw all my stuff out into the yard because she caught me "texting another woman". Guess it didn't matter to her that the contact name was "Mom". FML
Today, while heading to the bathroom, I saw my girlfriend putting some lingerie under my bed. I stupidly thought it was for some sexy time later. Well, later on, she dramatically "found" the lingerie and broke up with me. Almost everyone believes her story and thinks I'm a dirty cheater. FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me and set all my stuff on fire. Why? Because she found my Tinder account. I haven’t even used it since I met her. FML
Today, my girlfriend did the whole "break up with your boyfriend and kick him out of the house" thing from the movies. Except it's my house. She kept my stuff. FML
Today, my girlfriend decided to break up with me because she found a bra in my cupboard. It was hers. FML
Today, I went through the stuff that I'd left at my ex’s place and started unpacking it. I found a pair of another girl's panties. We broke up a little over a week ago. FML
Today, I got home and found all my things thrown out into the yard, including the stuff from my mancave, which I spent thousands of dollars on. Apparently, my girlfriend stopped for a visit while my wife was home. I’d stupidly given her a key. Turns out my wife called out sick today. FML
Today, I was sleeping in after working a graveyard shift. I awoke to my girlfriend sneaking her stuff out of the house. She planned on leaving her key on my pillow and taking off without any notice whatsoever. FML
Today, as soon as I got home, my girlfriend was waiting for me at the door. She told me she was breaking up with me. The reason? She found a girl's shirt in my closet and that she didn't need a cheating boyfriend. That shirt was mine. FML
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Top comments
WTFKuro 0
If you're going to keep a key under a flowerpot, you might as well keep your door unlocked. If a burglar wants to get into your house, the first thing he's going to do is check under flowerpots for keys.
ireply_w_lyrics 0
"...Well I started throwin' things and I scared folks half to death I got up in his face and smelled whiskey on his breath Didn't give a second thought to being thrown in jail Cause baby to hammer everything looks like a nail And I was mad as hell Well those pretty girls their all the same But their damn well gonna know my name I'm a crazy Ex-Girlfriend I'm a crazy Ex-Girlfriend I'm a crazy Ex-Girlfriend..." Anyone want to say this doesn't relate to the FML?
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Comments (156)
mollytamale 1
Hahahahahahahahaha fyl! Haha why did you date a girl if you knew she would do that? FYL
mangoboy1 19
Big ****?
angel0733 0
burn her car....payback is a bitch but seriously YDI for knowing she was crazy
mangoboy1 19
Or just press charges.
thequickredofox 0
"knowing the girl I broke up with last night goes crazy after breakups.." is a pretty good indicator that he COULD foresee that she was indeed bat-shit crazy.
snarfer 0
Uh, you clearly deserved it for having hair product. Now that you've thrown them away, try to live life without them. Shampoo is acceptable, but guys should not be putting "product" in their hair. It's like applying douchery to one's soul.
thequickredofox 0
win!
DameGreyWulf 1
Actually, I was kind of thinking this too... Don't know why people bother with hair products beyond shampoo anyway, unless they need some special scalp medicine or something.
ireply_w_lyrics 0
I am pretty sure Head an Shoulders covers that. At least, their commercials advertise something like that. And if they do, 'tis still a shampoo, and therefore counts as one product
cyurihsung 0
Doesn't anyone use conditioner? My hair is waist-length and has to be cut if it's not washed with shampoo and conditioner in two days. Hair without conditioner just feels gross.
allmidnighteyes 11
Seriously :| It's sold alongside shampoo for a reason
ireply_w_lyrics 0
personally, i assume when someone says shampoo, they mean 2 in 1 unless they also say conditioner
DameGreyWulf 1
Actually, I find my shampoo (though I do believe it's two in one, since that's how they are usually these days) works just fine. I get nice and soft and silky, and stay that way until I shower again. I guess my clean hair is better than yours. ;P Of course, it's also shorter (shoulder-blade length). Any longer annoys me, actually.
DameGreyWulf 1
LOL 81, wow... Well okay, I should have been more clear as to what I meant in my post. I don't understand why people would use anything beyond shampoo IF IT IS NOT NEEDED (such as a scalp condition). How does that work? Oh, also, my shampoo is just shampoo. I have probably only used conditioner five times in my life. My hair's just fiiiiine without it~
WTFKuro 0
If you're going to keep a key under a flowerpot, you might as well keep your door unlocked. If a burglar wants to get into your house, the first thing he's going to do is check under flowerpots for keys.
SuicideSaint_fml 0
Sounds kinky.
JKLiving 0
last summer I watched my buddy do the same thing to his girl's stuff after he busted her it end up costing me $5,000 in lawyer fee's for not stopping him accessory to. so yeah u can sue the shit out of her
f0rg3t_m3_n0t 0
Wendy: Don't *BEEP* with me! Well, that'll teach you to **** with Wendy, won't it?
glostik 0
Dude, there is such thing as common sense, right?
sucks_for_you 0
As a girl, I would say best option for you would have been to somehow make her break up with you. Not by cheating though, haha. Your nuts would be on fire instead of your clothes.