Today, I was walking through town when a rough looking woman asked me for a cigarette. I don't smoke but I offered her some apples, and she took two. As I continued on past her, she pegged both of them at me, hitting the back of my head. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was walking down the street on my way to work, when an old lady's walking stick caught my leg and sent me crashing to the ground. She apologised for the accident and watched me stumble to my feet. I said not to worry. Just as I turned to leave, I could swear a smirk crept over her face. FML
Today, I was lost in a new town, so I asked a woman for directions. For some reason, she seemed to avoid me. About halfway down the block, she quickly turned around, and the next thing I remember is my eyes stinging like hell. Apparently she thought I was a mugger and maced me. FML
Today, I was yelled at for smoking at a bus stop, because a woman didn't appreciate me smoking by her children. She did this while waving her own lit cigarette in my face. FML
Today, as I was out walking, one homeless man sitting with two others asked me for something to eat. Trying to do a good deed, I bought the three men a bag of apples. They then fought viciously over them before the first man chased me for handing them to "the wrong one." FML
Today, a man in a hurry asked me for a light. Not being able to find my lighter amongst the muddle inside my handbag, I handed him my lit cigarette so he could light his. He took it from me, started smoking it and walked off. FML
Today, I was walking down the street, when a little old lady bumped into me and fell over. I helped her up and she thanked me for being "such a nice young man". It was only an hour later as I was in line at the store that I realized she'd pickpocketed my wallet. FML
Today, I was walking out of a grocery store. I hit the button on my key to open the trunk, which hit an old lady just under her chin and knocked her to the ground. As she laid there, she pointed a shaky, bony finger at me and yelled that she would sue me for everything I have. FML
Today, I was walking down the street when I had a coughing fit. The next thing I know I'm being pushed about by a group of guys who were smoking, because they thought I was coughing deliberately to send them a message about smoking being bad. FML
Today, I was walking through a rough part of town, when a woman screamed that I'd stolen her bag. I was tackled to the ground by a large guy, who then gave my bag to her. FML
Today, I was walking down the street in the dark, and the woman in front of me kept looking back nervously. I jokingly assured her that I wasn't a mugger. She then took out a knife and mugged me. FML
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Top comments
rosha267 21
How are apples an alternative to cigarettes?
Egnar 19
"Hey I don't smoke, but here have some apples?" - More than likely the thought of something like that, no matter how sincere you were, probably sounded condescending to her. . As if you were better than her and pitied her for smoking. Really should have just said no, sorry I don't smoke.
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Comments (187)
marinus_fml 20
In Armadale or Gosnells by any chance OP?
theuns 8
wouldn't surprise me
theuns 8
wouldn't surprise me
kmeredith 8
haha nice! but it could have been coolbellup too! lol
shutupYDI 4
I Like how this became an Aussie meeting
ADub55 0
I dont Like how this became an Aussie meeting
JacksonCampbell 9
Headshot! +50xp
ragzy 7
I would have thrown the apples at you too! Apples ain't cigs! To continue the earlier theme, Balga?
Link5794 18
133 Cigarettes are poison. They contain hydrogen cyanide, which is used for lethal injections.
tjv3 10
throw them back at her face
ragzy 7
Thank you Link for the information, I'm sure that that will aid in my attempts to quit. I had no idea that cigarettes were full of chemicals, all my packets are from the seventies and don't have the warnings on them. Appreciated.
tstanbury 0
u just got so owned 136..
Daydreamer4466 6
I have family who live Perth love to visit some the people down under are good people.
GeraldisTheG 3
who the **** carries apples around with them
Danny300 0
Most likely in Armadale, that's where all the hobo ***** live.
steveakafranxy 7
#167 someone who was just shopping?
Nathaniellette 7
.
muchagente 5
cigarettes hurt way less when thrown. next time give her some.
mattmadden 0
OP meant the lady threw the APPLES at her.
No_LoveMM 3
That's why 2 said give her cigarettes, because they don't hurt as much when thrown...
CryMoreFMLs 15
We should probably be more concerned whether or not she rubbed mouth herpes on those apples....
Crlnprz 11
umm what? tht comment made no sense to me at all #51
Crlnprz 11
sorry i meant #41
myxcure 2
I think it's funny, 48, that your next comment became 51 after your typo...
Crlnprz 11
lmao yeah im iPhone n i well the keyboard is pretty small xD i admit i failed
blueglue 0
Do you even know what "OP" means ?
inflames2361 0
optimus prime obviously
EvilPotato 15
kill her and eat her first born child.
scrapmetal58 9
Mmmm cancer babies....
iAmScrubs 19
Eating a well balanced diet doesn't always help your health I guess.
randomchickkk 0
looks like an apple day won't keep the doctor away
randomchickkk 0
*a
katemasen 0
actually you were correct the first time with *an haha
Mahomie123 0
right ^ haha if the word after starts with a vowel then it is "an"!!!! (:
LexxyLiime 0
um yeah we know? ^ Its "an apple" not "a apple"
josh5634 0
he meant an apple "a" day
shhhitsasecret 0
unless you start throwin the apples at your doctor. that oughtta keep em away. :)
TXjuggalo972 6
a doctor a day keeps the apples away
joooeee 3
you should have known it was gonna hurt. you did say she looks like she likes it rough
Michigan_Girl 0
Throw them back at her.
jbomber95 4
i would have beat her ass up, but op sounds like a bitch
JManHobbs 0
Offer someone an apple and you're a bitch now? Ok.
livin_plur 0
I think she meant bitch as in a pussy because she/he/whoever didnt stick up for themselves, though she doesn't smoke and was nice enough to offer the rude woman something to eat, op sounds smart if you ask me.
sweetcheeksjvl 0
throw them back and make sure you know you can run fast.
instantmusic 4
Well, when life gives you apples...
SnookieBaybie 0
hahaha throw them !
nicobington 1
make apple aid
alyslove 5
well, she didn't ask for apples.
XxEmoSnowboarder 8
94 i was gonna say that!! lolz
Jared900DUmpling 30
Make apple grenades
rosha267 21
How are apples an alternative to cigarettes?
livin_plur 0
ha keepin ur health and I'm one I talk I smoke, but if somebody offered me an Appel instead I'd take it, it would keep my mind off the next cigarette for a while
CEG3 0
smoke an apple? :P
colonel42 0
hell yeah, you don't know what passes for a bong in the south.
IHunt 0
hell yeah
Nathaniellette 7
Healthier than ciggs
Egnar 19
"Hey I don't smoke, but here have some apples?" - More than likely the thought of something like that, no matter how sincere you were, probably sounded condescending to her. . As if you were better than her and pitied her for smoking. Really should have just said no, sorry I don't smoke.
greg84_fml 21
Thank you! That's exactly why u had apples thrown at you.
WCARlover 35
lol why would you offer her apples? you probably put razorblades in them didnt you?
dr3amcatchr 2
lololol. LYL I Love Your Life.