Today, it's my first Halloween in America since moving from Russia. While handing candy to children, my roommate told me to compliment a little girl by saying "You have a face only a parent could love". I found out it isn't a compliment when I was punched by her Dad. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, a kid came Trick-or-Treating at my house. When I told her it was still one more day until Halloween, and that I didn't have any candy, she wound-up her fist, punched me in the groin, and ran off laughing. FML
Today, a kid came trick or treating to my house. When I told him Halloween was nearly two weeks ago, his reaction was to savagely kick me in the shin and run off screaming obscenities. This is the same kid who broke down in tears when I gave him candy on the real Halloween. FML
Today, I was at a restaurant when I heard a young girl telling her father she didn't think she was pretty. When I got up to leave, I walked past her table and told her she was beautiful. Her dad then punched me in the face. FML
Today, I realized why the lady I had complimented the night before on Halloween about her amazing one-armed costume, looked so hurt. She is literally missing an arm. I'm an asshole. FML
Today, it was Halloween, and I was giving candy to kids. When a group of kids who looked like they were around 4 years old came up to me and said, "Hey mister, do you have one of those things that make it look like you are fat under your shirt?" I didn't have one of those, but I lied and said, "Yes." FML
Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my parents. My dad looked at him and said, "Nice outfit, but it's a little late for Halloween." Before I could intervene, my boyfriend said that joke had been done to death, to which my dad retorted, "Yeah, so has your mum." Instant fistfight. FML
Today, in the spirit of Halloween and to get back at a child who repeatedly pressed the doorbell until I showed up, I quickly opened the door and yelled "Boo!" The child ended up being carried away crying with wet pants by a mother threatening to sue. FML
Today, it's Halloween. I get bullied every day and this was no exception, but this time I got beat up so hard I bled. Everyone thought it was part of my costume. FML
Today, I'm at odds with my fiancée because a drunk girl approached me at a Halloween party and complimented my costume. I barely acknowledged the woman and made polite small talk until she walked away. Apparently, I was too friendly and should have shooed the woman away rudely and immediately. FML
Today, I went to see my mother with my kids. Before, I had told my son to give her hugs and kisses and I would buy him candy. He did, but then he told her that I said that. FML
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Top comments
alpaquette91 9
Punch your roommate! Make him/her suffer too!
Mass89 0
who else read this FML while doing a russian accent? :D
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Comments (172)
alpaquette91 9
Punch your roommate! Make him/her suffer too!
StoryOfTheYear 15
In Soviet Russia, line punch you!
KoolKidFly 0
In Soviet Russia, These jokes became old 2 years ago!
btnhdude 0
No, no, no, no, no, It's the other way around. In Soviet Russia, these jokes are new!
Michael_Kelso 0
I know some FML's are inevitably fake and I kinda think this one is. Unless that dad was fresh outta jail I doubt any parent (or any normal person) would react so violently. I've had foreign professors, doctors, and coworkers who have all mixed up phrases and idioms, and never was my first though to punch them but ask them to clarify instead.
Michael_Kelso 0
Why was that moderated? It didn't have anything offensive and it was totally relevant to the FML.
Adman567 9
In soviet rusaia, FML reads you 0_0
MyEpicDemise 7
In Soviet Russia, candy hands you to children.
ShakeMeDown 12
In Soviet Russia, the weather is a bit chilly, but still nice. There is a nice coffee shop north of Moscow. Great service.
RuskiManBearPig 4
Your roomate is a tool. I'm from there too. Do the KGB bullshit on him, it works everytime.
RuskiManBearPig 4
Also: zdrastvuytye :]
je_suis_fml 11
In Soviet Russia, combo breakers are shunned...
yake12 0
In Capitalist America, dad punches you!!
youcunthole 0
In ANY country u look like 79 after too much mcDonalds
Bekeliyr 10
I got a friend name Vlady. You guys would be good friends.
LolFMLnot 10
You will never forget this Halloween for the rest of your life , be happy :D
cdogLuvs2golf 0
Feel the wrath of America
dabears1011234 27
Bring em down with you!
mathew17986g 2
now thats not cool
xlord 27
It's better than getting him to say "you have a face that I could Love ;)"
Jaxx66 21
Eh, if OP speaks enough English to write and FML, -and it being perfectly written- I say YDI for obviously not paying attention.
AlexanderSilver 0
82- OP could've had his roommate or someone else American write it or check his writing. Also, having good grammar is far different from knowing American cultural subtleties.
chickenwalrus 14
what IS cool is his username: "Vladyboi"
WillTay 8
In soviet Russia, you scare trick or treaters!
construction 7
Not to that extent
crackz12 10
I agree with 82. Grammar is perfect, better than most americans. How could op not have known what he/she was saying in such basic english in this situation. And if op is straight from russia wouldnt the guy have heard a deep accent and given him some sort of break?
Sketch23_fml 5
Totally agree. Perfect grammar. No way he didn't know what he was saying.
rcbarnes 24
English idioms are subtle to use/understand, so I think this isn't quite a YDI.
SomeRussianGirl 3
Aww, What a bitch you're Roommate is… I suggest you don't take advice from him/her involving speaking English again. (Side note) GO RUSSIA :D
CourtneyDanielle_fml 9
He could've got you to say something to make you sound like a complete creep.. So could've been worse, I guess.
max_wilder 9
In soviet Russia there are no treats, just tricks
jworret 0
In Soviet Russia, candy eats you.
chickenwalrus 14
in soviet russia, shut the **** up
nerfnidalee 17
In Soviet Russia, shut ***** you.
EMTPirate 0
When playing a joke like that you always warn them before they actually say it. Zdrastveetzye welcome to America.
bigkountry209 0
did u say Have nice day?
NomOnShroomz 14
In Soviet Russia... no. No. HELL NO! NO MATER HOW TEMPTING IT IS I REFUSE TO MAKE A SOVIET RUSSIA JOKE!! You're welcome.
af117 3
Haha, me too
minisquid 9
In Soviet Russia, you make joke anyways. Stupid beech.
kings1fan 6
Welcome to America!
evildemonchild 18
Damn 6 beats me to it Dx
himoonkey 8
Ya six beats you to it by 114 comments :)
Meme1988 18
Omg! Thats mean!!!!! (but kinda funny)
Savra_fml 17
Omg! You're right!!!!! (but kinda retarded)
CryMoreFMLs 15
Omg! So am I!!!!! ( and kinda threadjacking )
Okayitwasme 0
Lol
Wdgames 0
OMG Inglip!!! (Also, commenter who started original post is one of the thousands of people ive seen on the Internet that make me want to punch someone in the throat!)
boner_till_icoll 0
punch him back man .. Or get ur AK-47 and show him ..
lemon_phat 11
Yes, cuz coming to America just to sit in prison is why he came here.
zmiester 0
Sounds like your roommate is an asshole!
Mass89 0
who else read this FML while doing a russian accent? :D
kayev 3
Lol I did
skyttlz 32
Yep I did
VirgoCrazy 0
You know what? I really hate all these russian stereotypes I get bothered at school because of them (and I don't have an accent I have lived in th U.S. For my whole entire life) so please stop with all the stereotyping
eradonnes 0
**** you, u butthurt **** muncher...anyways...IN SOVIET RUSSIA KIDS PUNCH YOU!!!
iTerrorized 4
I'm Iraqi, think of how many stereotypes I get thrown at me.. I've lived in Canada my whole life, but my skin color remains. ;) Just brush em off bro.
gabe_2011 1
Achmed! Hahaha
Crollo 2
A Russian having a Russian accent? Naaah, that's just STUPID stereotyping.