Today, I'm at odds with my fiancée because a drunk girl approached me at a Halloween party and complimented my costume. I barely acknowledged the woman and made polite small talk until she walked away. Apparently, I was too friendly and should have shooed the woman away rudely and immediately. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I wore a new outfit that I thought was super cute. I was feeling confident until a seemingly drunk woman came up to me in a bar, tapped me on the shoulder, and said, “I don’t know what you were going for with this", gesturing at my outfit, "but it’s not working.” Then she stumbled off to join her friends. FML
Today, I went to my step-sister's for family dinner. Her husband was really drunk and openly hit on me in front of most of my family. I nonchalantly ignored his advances. Later, my step-mom said it would not have happened if I didn't dress like a skank. FML
Today, a completely drunk girl walked across the bar and punched me in the face because I was wearing the same dress as her, and her boyfriend had said it looked better on me. While I was screaming at her for being a stupid bitch, she puked all over me, wiped her mouth, and laughed before she passed out. FML
Today, I gave my drink to a girl who I got with previously and started to dance with her. She backed off after a few seconds, took my drink and danced with my friend who was standing right next to me. FML
Today, while at a party, I ran into the girl I've liked for ages. I was so nervous, but I managed to keep the conversation going for a half hour. After mustering up the courage to ask her out on a date, her drunk, over-protective ex burst in and threw up on my shirt. Good timing, asswipe. FML
Today, I decided to hit on a very attractive girl. I guess I was too drunk to remember it was my family reunion. FML
Today, I went to a party, and the girl I really like started telling me how much she likes me and how she thought we would be good together. I was so drunk I threw up on her. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got into a heated argument at a house party. To avoid a huge scene, I pulled her into another room, during which I managed to trip over my feet and faceplant the floor. She shouted, "Hah! That's what you get!" Now everyone thinks she beat the shit out of me. FML
Today, I went out and got very drunk. I talked to a girl and some other people. As the girl left, someone told me to follow her as she didn't seem to know where she was going. As a drunk, socially inept idiot, I did so for about 20 seconds, only for someone to point me out to her and quickly guide her away. Then I lost like £700. FML
Today, I went to my fiance's cousin's wedding with him. I got drunk and danced like a stripper in front of his entire extended family, who I'd just met that day. FML
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Top comments
smoochmysnoot 6
That flag is as red as they come, my friend. The insecurity and jealousy is very real, and likely won’t go away.
FluffythePink 23
You can either stay on the roller coaster until it cheats on you or mangles you into a mess of trauma and PTSD or you can acknowledge the neon, flashing red flags and escape to pastures far greener. Your choice.
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Comments (5)
smoochmysnoot 6
That flag is as red as they come, my friend. The insecurity and jealousy is very real, and likely won’t go away.
FluffythePink 23
You can either stay on the roller coaster until it cheats on you or mangles you into a mess of trauma and PTSD or you can acknowledge the neon, flashing red flags and escape to pastures far greener. Your choice.
Crowned Sataness 12
think twice about marrying that one. it's not going to get better. it will probably get way worse. is this really what you want for the rest of your life?
GoogieWithers 25
Did you mistake all the red flags for a carnival?
Lost Reggie 22
I ended the engagement.