Today, it was Halloween, and I was giving candy to kids. When a group of kids who looked like they were around 4 years old came up to me and said, "Hey mister, do you have one of those things that make it look like you are fat under your shirt?" I didn't have one of those, but I lied and said, "Yes." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, even though I'm overweight, I was feeling alright about the way I looked in the historical costume I'm required to wear by my job. A little kid came in and asked me if I was having a baby. Guess I don't look as good as I thought. FML
Today, while on the bus, a small child asked me if I was having a baby, and I replied "Yes." I'm not. I was just too ashamed to admit I was fat. FML
Today, I lied to the cashier at my local store, saying that I was "nominated to buy the candy for the party" when in actuality I went home and gorged on it alone. FML
Today, everyone commented on how realistic my "fat suit" was. I didn't dress up for Halloween. FML
Today, I was pretending to be a mom with my friends, and I was joking how I bought them candy and that it cost me an arm and a leg, only to realize that the cashier only had one arm. FML
Today, a kid came Trick-or-Treating at my house. When I told her it was still one more day until Halloween, and that I didn't have any candy, she wound-up her fist, punched me in the groin, and ran off laughing. FML
Today, while I was working at a supermarket, a kid started to cry in line because he couldn't get candy. Since we have free lollipops behind the desk, I gave him one. His mom complained to my manager and said I was grooming her child. FML
Today, while working at a certain California theme park in full costume, I was approached by a kid in line, who looked at me and exclaimed, "Hey look, its Indiana Jones!" which felt pretty amazing. His sister, who was maybe seven years old, glanced over at me and said, "No, he's way too fat." FML
Today, I was at the grocery store, when a little boy looked up at me and asked if I was a prostitute. FML
Today, in class I was teaching 6 year olds about the difference between short and tall, and I asked them how they could see that I was shorter than the other teacher. One of them raised their hand and said it was because I'm fatter. FML
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Top comments
khed_fml 0
I've got one of those, but I keep it under my skin too...I call it "lard".
IIRoxieII 12
If that was me, I would say the same thing
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Comments (40)
JohnFish 0
Lying to kids? Your a winner.
The_Pleb 0
Lol i dont think this is a FML at all, the op just completely WIN +1ed these grasshoppers.
greatsarcazm 0
sun kissed Ima put you to bed ;)
ffmmllyaya 0
who is saying he lied? op do have one of those things like make him look fat under his shirt, it's his fats
ohmygaaawsh29 0
he said he lied, genius
falon142012 22
Don't know the difference between your and you're? You must be a winner too!
FMY_FYL 0
MLIA.
IIRoxieII 12
If that was me, I would say the same thing
blastvortex 4
Don't lie to kids unless you want a big, fat slap in the face, pun intended. *thwack*
khed_fml 0
I've got one of those, but I keep it under my skin too...I call it "lard".
atvarela 0
ok so your fat, and you celebrate halloween, a holiday that makes you even fatter? interesting.
nazooer 11
Ah, I didn't know that giving out candy to kids makes you fatter.
booshbooshboosh 0
Being fat and a liar are never a good combination.
DoomJeff91 2
What, you've never seen Shrek?
Silverill 0
next time u meet them just tell them that it feels good with it.
perdix 31
"Yes, they're called 'manboobs' and no candy for you, unless you want to grow up and have manboobs."
mps1969 8
#9's right you should have looked right at them and said I looked just like you once then I ate too much candy and woke up like this !
Six_and_the_Moon 3
I've always preferred the term 'moobs'.
_Naboo_ 0
Really? They're kids, they didn't mean anything by it if they're younger than 9. Older than that and kids become little bitches.
stupiddumbblonde 0
Ahhhhhhhhhh...Halloween. good times, good times. :)